Finances

I try not to think about the current situation I'm in, I try to forget about the debit, the bills, the cravings, the family, and the shit hole that is “my life”. But of course it isn't that easy just to not think about shit. We always have reminders of how shitty life was, is, and if things don't change, will continue to be. Whether those reminders be scars from a nasty habit we picked up in the alley's downtown, the restaurant your family ate at when you were a kid, or even something as simple as the bills we get every month. Whatever it is, life sure as hell don't let us forget the places we have come from and where we stand in the present. But I don't need anymore reminders...life has made it's point pretty clear to me, I'm not cut out for it. I owe more money then I will ever have in my pocket (at least for many years to come), my heroin use has left me mentally and physically fucked up to the point where I can't even live a normal life anymore (hopefully as my journey with sobriety progresses this will change).

Maybe this new year will be different, who knows.

I just don't even know what to do, one of my situation's I got myself in right now is my camera in the pawn shop. I had to pawn it a little bit ago because I been :kicking up dirt" and am not proud of it, but now I have to go pay $350 to get it out or pay $100 to extend it another month and then pay the other $300 to get it out when I can afford it. In an effort to try and make a little bit more money for the sole reason of paying off my bills I applied for some temp work doing census shit for my state. Hopefully I get it so I can pay most of this shit off and then finally my life will start to progress, but till then my life is at a shitty stand still.

I just want to be out of this hole before the stress triggers a relapse.

It has before so I know it can again.

 

Ouch. Kudos to you for staying clean even with all this stress. That's a huge accomplishment, and one that you should be very proud of.

About your camera: perhaps consider letting it go. Pawn shops are usurious at best, but often there's nowhere else to go. Still, for not much more that $400 in a few months you will likely be able to get a D90 or similar camera if you'd like. Photography is clearly very important to you, but clearing your debt is more important in the long run. It boils down to the instant vs. delayed gratification. It is harder, but if you can focus on the longer picture you can often get the little instant gratification rewards too, just a bit later. Doesn't work the other way around though.

Or wait and see how much the pawn-guy puts it up for, and if it's less then get a friend to pick it up for you. That just seems like a huge price to pay for any camera at a pawnshop.

 

Thanks for the reply Dave, I hear you with the camera...I hate the fact it is even in there. Honestly I don't use it all to often much these days but I used to be very deep into the photography scene, now a days i just use it to take photos for family and friend events to make extra cash. The reason I have such a hard time letting go is that I paid $1400 for the camera and I worked a year at target to save for it. It was just something I worked hard for.

If I pay $100 to renew the loan with them, I will owe $300 to get it out within 30 days and $350 between 30 - 90 days, if I still have it in the shop then I have to either pay 100 and start over again or pay the 350. It's just like a repeating pattern, unless I can get this temp work soon and make enough extra money to get a head for a little bit, then start looking for another p/t job that isn't temp.

That is so much easier said then accomplished these days though, finding a job is new impossible here.

Thanks for the reply Dave!