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OldSoul25

Greenlighter
Joined
Sep 15, 2014
Messages
5
Hi all! ;) Im new to the site as an actual member now, though Ive read through and researched for months thru this site, and Im extremely thankful there is a placeto goto like so. Ive signed up because Im on a path that I need help with, And local sources, (friends, family, etc.) is not an option or at least I dont think so yet. Though many are now slowly learning why I've "changed" or disappeared from the society I used to be so much apart of. Im not real sure how to start, but here goes, and any more information that isnt listed here below, please dont be afraid to ask me!! I'm more open about myself than most. So I'm what you could say a "young intermediate drug user" hauling in at the age of 25.

Im into some hard stuff (heroine, hard, and whatever seems good at the time) but mainly opiates. Ive been on this drug crazed path for about 6 years now and Im starting to lose hope, let alone my dignity and my family of whom I love very much. I'm reaching out to someone, somewhere to help me on the right path to recovery.. Though I dont even know where to start... ;( But Im desperate. There isnt many in my family that had had past drug problem s so I wonder what makes me this way, could it be that I'm 25 an feel as Ive let everyone down, that I could of been someone so much better, or that maybe this is just my way to escape to say "fuck the bullshit, and hide my guilt" Im not sure. But it sucks. The needle has become a daily part of my life, only once or twice a day, of whatever can rush these demons that haunt me out of my body, but I'm doing better than before of heavy roxy, H, opiate use.

I now try an stay with a qtr to half of suboxone, or subutex a day just to keep right minded, because without I'll not be right, pains, sweats, HELL! I dont have a prescription, I never have, its always been street use. And the days there is nothing around, I just wanna die. What would drive one to such behavior, I just dont understand. I have damn near a dead end job (landscape, hard labor) but Im a hard worker, have always worked back to bacl job's. Im a great friend or at least I used to be, Ill take my shirt off my back for someone in need, and now Im in need with no shirt. I want help, I will do anything, but mindful of my budget, and slowly deteriorating life, I don't know where to start, or even the questions to ask, or the steps to take.

Can someone somewhere, help please? I dont bite, Im open to new ideas. Like stated above, ask me anything! This is your key to my soul, Im ready to see light, because everything is becoming so dark. I dont want my friends and family to bury me.Go... Sorry for tthe long post, Im reaching out the best I can. Thanks in advance bluelighters!
 
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Thanks captain. Im glad to be here, I know that being the first step, but I wonder through the process, will it follow me for the rest of my life, kind of like incriminating yourself in the so-called system when going to jail. I'm worried if employers, or hospitals, or anyone that can pull information like so, will haunt me for trying to help myself.

Let alone, I enjoy opiates so much,they seem to make me a better person, Im not depressed when I drop 2-3 bags of H, nor constantly hate life, its a weird phase pulling me from a side of help to a side of relief for myself. Im sure you understand where Im coming from.. The subs just keep me normal, and they're cheap, but nothing beats the rush.. I think the mental withdrawals will be my worst to overcome.. How do people do it?

Do you still use? And if not, how did you mentally prepare yourself to make the change..

And also, suboxone is so expensive.. I don't know if I can afford the initial step, though thats probably what needs to be done regardless, but is there any alternative route to signup for a sub doc, for possibly low budget people.. We're in Florida, and shit is always such a process, the wrong people get the help, while the ones in need suffer..
 
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The records for a suboxone prescription would only show up for a year after you stop attaining the substance

I wouldn't worry about it; and there are people who get on methadone for pain, and suboxone for pain and other mental health issues. So I wouldn't think of it following you around.

I haven't been prescribed to Suboxone for well over a few years now; and I know doctors have no idea I used to be on it unless I choose to disclose it (which I don't.)

I don't use heroin anymore. :)

Google "free suboxone program"; if you qualify, you should be able to find a doctor who can have you come in and get the medication free from the manufacturer.

I think I was already mentally prepared to go through it all, but I merely just refocused my energy and control onto my passions, like reading, writing, music. I've been doing really well with all three of these; this year I finished re-reading Atlas Shrugged, The Fountainhead, as well as War and Peace. I'm also working on writing my own novel, and I have a music project that I do myself, as well as a collaborative project I recently put some material up for. :)
 
I feel you OldSoul. I too have battled my opiate addiction for many years. It sucks!!!! I have this "wonderful" life. Two beautiful young kids, boy 3 and girl 6. A nice home in a nice quiet beach neighborhood. A job that I don't love but I make a good living and I get to spend lots of time with my family. I've had a script for norco for over 5 years. I take way more than I should and always have to scrounge and search for more half way thru the month. I have zero self control. It owns me. I want to go on sub but I'm Afraid to make that leap. I'm afraid it won't work and then I won't have access to my script any longer. I'm scared and embarrassed. This is my secret. Anyone who has been on or is currently on sub please help me.
 
Hey OldSoul and welcome to Bluelight=D

There is a ton of wisdom and support all around these boards. Please consider checking out the recovery forums as they have a ton of good stuff that is along the lines of what you are searching for.

They are linked in my signature. You can and will figure this out!!
 
Thanks all, appreciate the support. Im currently checking into suboxone treatment... and my road towards recovery. Though it seems like most the docs around here are highway robbery when you dont have insurance. But its a matter of time before the light shines.

And yes, krock I feel you bro. Awesomeththat you have a great fam to come home too, I as well started on norcos, tabs, percs, which led to greater highs an better pain rerelief, and was great an all, but it was costing me so much! And finding them was such a hassle, soon as they arise, theyre gone before you know. Im a beach homeowner too ;) "townies go home" lol

When I found suboxone, and subutex it was a miracle in my opinion. Honestly you rarely have to worry about running out. You may think you have to take the whole pill, or the whole strip but in reality. I can make 4 strips last a month, thats one per week. No matter the dosage it seems like to me, such a little partition is just as much as a full, so cut one strip into 5 and keep your tolerance low, that way if you ever do run short of your script its not too devastating. In my opinion just the good feels in general last 10x longer than any tab or norco could ever supply. And way less consumption. Though my attempts at quitting altogether were extremely tough, if you can manage to taper down, it does wonders I hear.

So yeah bud, if you can switch, make the change and maybe eventually we can both taper down an kick this habit and never live in pain nor fear again and enjoy the greater things in life like our kids, an so forth. There's so much more to life, and we deserve it. We need to try and stop while were ahead, cause many have it such worse.

Also, SORRY its been so long for a response, I lost access to the world wide web, and so yeah.. I'm glad to be back. Thank you all ;)
 
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