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Detox Finally stopped the methadone clinic

at an NA meeting, they typically start with some readings, these are the same everywhere afaik. as a newcomer you'll be asked to introduce yourself and they will welcome you to the group. the format varies, sometimes its a main share, usually someone talks for 15-20 minutes about their addiction and recovery, or a reading from the literature. then you go into general sharing, where anyone in the group can jump in. the clean women in the room will give you their numbers and mean it when they say phone them if you're struggling. it ends with some more readings, then everyone gets up and holds hands and says the serenity prayer and hugs.

the last bit is fucking cringe to write and it still doesn't sit well with me, i'm an atheist and that's fine in NA, anything can be a higher power, but the serenity prayer addresses god directly.

i felt like na was a cult when i first went and still think it basically is, it does a lot of brain washing (that's an unfair way to describe the 12 steps, but i think there's an element of truth to it). BUT i was fucked when i came in to the extent that cult or not was basically irrelevant.

i left rehab in late november and am still clean, and i honestly don't know if i would be without NA.

you will meet people who've used like you, had the same life experiences, and who automatically have a deeper understanding of what you're going through. its difficult to find a lot of people who've overcome really serious drug problems in the outside world, and my view is they know more about getting/staying clean than me, so i want to be around them so they can help me stay clean.
 
Thanks for the words chin-up. Helps to know what goes on there. Not sure if going will help but I will definitely look into it.
work a really weird shift. 12-8pm. Then I work second job through weekends. Time is a factor. Maybe I need to take the time.
Today is a continuation of all days. Endless lack of motivation, achy joints. Please, I need some energy. I’ve been eating carbs trying to get some level, doesn’t seem to be happening. I work. That’s about it. 1 movie, i night I saw friends. I walk my dog a mile everyday. This seems endless. Hate having to push myself through. I’m impatient. Why do I have all the sudden sneezing fits? My pupils are still dilated. I look in mirror and they are insane. Lol. I’m whining again.
I do feel better after I’ve done SOMETHING.
I thought CJ was out of his tree when he said this would be a long drawn out progress. Thought 2 months plenty of time to get back into the swing of things. I can see now that it might not happen. I just ant to be normal.
 
Being around other like minded people has always helped me to shift my focus from complete fear based self-centeredness. The best pain killer is distraction. If I sit alone for too long my pain score of 4 becomes an 8 because I tend to focus on it. I am glad you are at least open to the idea of some type of fellowship. Fellowship of any type is important. Conflating the fellowship and the 12 step program (the actual application of the principles behind the steps) is fairly common. I know many people with decades clean that are miserable and desperate. They have chosen to participate in the fellowship and have tired of the personalities over a long slow process of regression and isolation. I have not been miserable or desperate in well over 6 years. I definitely don't think I am a special or unique circumstance. There are those who choose to change their thought patterns with new actions (Cognitive Behavioral Therapy/The 12 Steps) and there are those who just want to kick it with other clean people. If I take an action long enough my thought patterns will eventually begin to change. If I think about an action for a very long time I will rarely take the action in a timely manner. Thought follows action...
 
You just got to be patient Debbie. It really hasn't been that long. Still less then a month. It just feels like a year because of how much it has sucked. I really think therapy would be the best use of your limited time. It's all about you where the 12 step groups aren't as focused. A good therapist made a world of difference for me
 
My blood pressure has shot way up again today. Can’t seem to get the top outta 200. Last cuff was 205/110. It’s scaring me. I realize it will do that through withdrawls, but this long?
 
Was terribly freaked about BP. I haven’t checked this morning. Not really wanting to know. Thinking the Lope I took a couple days ago may have something to do with it. My BP was elevated but not sky high until I took it. I’m assuming it’s all situational in my body as it adjust.
Crazy the things we do to ours bodies, how we don’t think it’ll have recourse.
Day 27.......feel good, better, no aches but still could b lope in system. Motivation still lacking. Looking forward to 30 day, 45 day, 60 day etc......
 
You're doing really well Debbie, be extra kind and patient with yourself. You're doing a great job. You will get to where you want to be.

Don't be embarrassed about what you wrote, it's nice to see someone so honest with themselves, sharing it with others. You will help other people who read this too.

Thanks for the kind words, I try to talk to everyone like they're my friends, because you guys are. And I want the best for all of us.

Keep up the great work honey, here if you need anything. You're a trooper, it will only get better.


Much love my dear friend,
Ash.

Debbie Combs said:
I’m embarrassed I wrote all that about childhood.
Thank you Ash for the sweet words. You are always so supportive. How do you know the right words to say all the time? You have a gift.
Click to expand...
 
Another milestone....... ache in legs gone for now. Been 16 hrs without pain. Just a dull headache. BP still high. I have a better taste in my mouth for some reason. Overall better. Even cleaned the house this morning before work. I see a bit o sun.
 
Getting the blood pressure checked by a professional would be a good idea. Extended bouts of high blood pressure can be a sign of kidney problems. If you were taking clonidine it could definitely be related to rebound hypertension. There is a lot of anecdotal information given on this site. For your own peace of mind and health please see a professional. And yes loperamide was designed as a powerful opioid, but they were never able to get it to cross the blood-brain barrier at reasonable doses so it got marketed instead as an antidiarrheal. People have died from loperamide toxicity. There are a couple pretty widely covered lawsuits pending including that of Cody Arbuckle who was a client of an AAC treatment center who died of lope toxicity.
 
I did see a doctor, for whatever he is worth. He thinks the BP is situational, not doing anything. He is NOT sympathetic to withdrawls. Get a weird vibe. If it’s not down tomorrow thinking of going to another Dr, clinic or Er. Blood pressure spiking for a few days didn’t bother me, but it’s going to long. When the top goes over 200 freaks me out, I get dizzy, headache from hell. I also thought it could be rebound BP from clonindine, I had read it could happen.
Today was a hard day. Very tired. Was nice not having pain in joints yesterday Hoping it’ll go away for good in the not to distant future.
Thank you for the info jdfisse. I’m going to look up Arbuckle. There are so many knowledgeable people on here.
 
I'm sorry you had that experience with DR DICK Debbie. ; )

What a jackass, you would think they would have more empathy. That's just shitty, especially when you are already not feeling great, you're worried and would like a little reassurance. Fuck him. Go see someone else. He's not the only shingle in town.

You got this Debbie. Tomorrow will be a better day, I hope you find a better dr. Please keep me updated honey.

Very proud of you.

Love,
your friend,
Ash.

Debbie Combs said:
I did see a doctor, for whatever he is worth. He thinks the BP is situational, not doing anything. He is NOT sympathetic to withdrawls. Get a weird vibe. If it’s not down tomorrow thinking of going to another Dr, clinic or Er. Blood pressure spiking for a few days didn’t bother me, but it’s going to long. When the top goes over 200 freaks me out, I get dizzy, headache from hell. I also thought it could be rebound BP from clonindine, I had read it could happen.
Today was a hard day. Very tired. Was nice not having pain in joints yesterday Hoping it’ll go away for good in the not to distant future.
Thank you for the info jdfisse. I’m going to look up Arbuckle. There are so many knowledgeable people on here.
Click to expand...
 
Some doctors just reflexively hate people with addiction issues. Sad but true. Don't take it personally it's his ignorance. Leave a comment on Yelp about him.
 
Absolutely do what cj suggests Deb.


cj you always have the BEST advice.

Much love guys,

Ash.

cj said:
Don't take it personally it's his ignorance. Leave a comment on Yelp about him.
Click to expand...
 
Well I took advice and went to an Urgent care. They gave me RX for BP. It’s still high, but I’m not freaking out with 165/95. It’s lower.
I slept decent last night. The aches and pain are still very much there. I have swollen glands, nodes all around my neck area. Weird. Front, back and sides, some are bumpy. Stuffy head. Fatigue. And I can’t quit yawning! I had to call in sick again yesterday. I needed to convalesce. Napped most of afternoon and still able to sleep for 6 hrs last night.
today was a beautiful day. It got up in the mid 50s. I went hiking. Hard at first but felt it loosen muscles, lubricated joints. It is getting better, not great but better. Wish the joint and muscle ache would go away.
If you’ve read this thank you. Any advice on what to do with pain would be appreciated. Some natural way to ease the joints?
 
Keep taking ibuprofen and Tylenol is the only real advice I have for the pain. It should be gradually going away.

Your probably legit sick with a cold. Withdrawal weakens the immune system. Some cold medicine might help
 
Debbie -

There are a TON of natural ways to ease pain. I would just google it and look at what works best for you - I don’t mean to be dismissive, just that there are so many options to try that you never know where to start. Personally, I find that icyhot/bengay type medicines work well for those types of pain. Tylenol has a topical cream that is surprisingly good. More than anything though, I couldn’t live without my heating pad. I have RA so my pain moves from joint to joint almost daily. I find it helps immensely to have an electric heating pad. Turmeric can be good if it’s an inflammation issue.

Also, I think CJ is on to something about being legit sick. You are probably coming down with something - rest up, just in case!

- VE
 
Tomorrow will be day 30.
Still wake with ache in joints. Headache daily. Fatigue.
I sleep with heating pad, either on hip or knees. Use tiger balm on joints.(the uncomfortable icy hot feeling takes mind off pain) Even on methadone my knee was BAD, Dr Dick calls it arthritis. The freakin ache of it all.
i do have some kind of cold, upper respiratory thing going on. My face hurts. The glands have gone down in my neck. I found some amoxicillin in cabinet.
I have not gone to any NA meetings or contacted a therapist for addiction. Was going to last week but that?s when I started getting this virus. I did not feel like it.
Happy Super Bowl. Debbie downer wanted the Saints. We all know THAT story, I do not care to watch. I?ll make some chili, just sounds good.
Yesterday, I did more in ONE day around the house then I did in 6 mo. On methadone. I can go into a room and remember why I went in there.
Aches and sleep still weird. My mind is getting better. Stomach has no issues
BP is still high, even on BP medication.
It is BETTER, I want great! Patience has never been my virtue.
 
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