Finally starting to accept I’ve got an addiction and just want to vent

[oneslipperyslope]

Hey all,

Been lurking for sometime now and appreciate the wealth of information available here in regard to harm reduction and generally how genuinely supportive and nonjudgmental most people are. I don’t really have any one in my personal life I can talk/vent about this or atleast don’t comfortable doing so currently so thought I’d yap here if anyone’s willing to listen and offer any advice as I’ve finally reached the tipping point where I can’t keep deluding myself into thinking that my drug use is just a “weekend habit” that I can control or stop when I want to.

Was planning on going on a meth binge (already boofed around 150-200mg in the last 14 hours and have another 2g left) that I’m trying to cut short as this sudden and overwhelming sense of disappointment and guilt is killing me. I’ve taken 15mg of Valium and might take some more in the hopes of getting some sleep and recover, but truthfully knowing me and my lack of impulse control I’ll probably go through the rest of the bag later.

Don’t want to ramble on for too long but up until a year ago the only drug apart from prescribed meds for my ADD (Ritalin, Vyvanse and Dex) I’ve only tried weed. During rough patch I bought some shrooms to try get my mind of thing but was also given an mdma pill. That fucking pill was the best experience I had in my life while simultaneously ruining it. Been trying to chase the dragon since, did no actual research prior to trying it and at start of my use so I was rolling quite frequently and I mean from every other weekend, to every weekend and every other day. And I continued to do this even after learning what kind of damage I was doing to my brain but I just couldn’t control myself or kept justifying it or told myself I won’t roll again for however long. Since the rolls were getting worse and worse I tried a few other drugs (along with taking longer breaks in between when I was able to force myself or couldn’t afford to waste money on them) like 2cb, mda, lsd, etc . But kept telling myself I wouldn’t touch the “hard stuff” (meth, coke, opioids). Well fast forward to about 2 months ago I got my hand on some meth, speed and a bit of coke to “just give it a try” even told my plug to not sell me anymore if I ask. Was meant to try each one over the span of a few weeks so I give myself some time to recover instead I did all 3 in one night. The coke had no effect on me for some reason, the speed was ok but the meth got its hook on me. For a while I was too embarrassed to ask my plug for some more so i literally resorted to taking higher and higher doses of my dexies to ease the cravings which lasted me about a week and a half and just sucked it up and bought more meth once the withdrawal started kicking in. Went through a gram last weekend and bought this bag telling myself one last binge and I’ll call it quits but at this point I know I’ll just be doing the same shit again.

I’m 24, living with my parents and sick of all the lying to hide this from my love ones, random drug tests are also somewhat common in at my job so that’s just another ticking time bomb. Feel like the walls are closing in and it’s suffocating me.

I know my best option is just to seek professional help but I just can’t have this go on any formal record or get out as it will certainly ruin my life even further.

Sorry if I’m all over the place and incoherent.
Thank you for taking the time to read all this , I appreciate and welcome any suggestions. But it just feels great to finally get this off my chest.

 

[letsparty]

Are your parents supportive ? Like would they stand by you if you where to seek help ?
Not sure what kind of work you do but I had a friend that literally told his boss he was battling addiction and needed some time off to get help / recover and the boss gave him time off and said to come back when he was ready..

Your post makes me recall how obsessed my brain was with addiction and everything linked to it .. I started blowing off responsibilities , then burning through jobs ... It gets out of hand quick.
I was a person out every night with friends or motorcycle riding through the mountains to locking myself in my house except to score ..

I'm sure you'll get an actual good reply soon. ...

 

[oneslipperyslope]

Are your parents supportive ? Like would they stand by you if you where to seek help ?
Not sure what kind of work you do but I had a friend that literally told his boss he was battling addiction and needed some time off to get help / recover and the boss gave him time off and said to come back when he was ready..

I think they'd definetely support me but I don't know if I'd be able to bring myself to tell them, at least not in my current state.
I'm just an office worker but the field is pretty heavily reuglated and monitored so if I admit to drug use I think i'd be let go for breaching my contract/liability issues.

Your post makes me recall how obsessed my brain was with addiction and everything linked to it .. I started blowing off responsibilities , then burning through jobs ... It gets out of hand quick.
I was a person out every night with friends or motorcycle riding through the mountains to locking myself in my house except to score ..

I'm sorry to hear that, hope you're doing better now.
We're you able to recognise how your addiction was negatively impacting your life at the time? As it's taken me till now to realize and admit to myself how much addiction has affected my life as I treated each negative consquence in isolation and proceed to make excuses and justify it to myself esepcially since I didn't see it as an addiction.

I'm sure you'll get an actual good reply soon. ...

Knowing that my ramble wasn't just sent out into the void and getting acknowledged made me feel a bit emotional even while tweaked out. thank you for the reply genuinely appreciate it.

 

[Deleted member 554582]

when the pods is over what afack will i do?givin' increduble ammount of money to buy oxies or fent patches?fuckin' tired of this shit....and the highest bridge is just on eand a half hour with a car....a lot of people jump from it...my friend a girl jump from it.........fuckin' wish to do it....got to do it and let all burns...shit God take me from here....enough

 

[jasperkent]

when the pods is over what afack will i do?givin' increduble ammount of money to buy oxies or fent patches?fuckin' tired of this shit....and the highest bridge is just on eand a half hour with a car....a lot of people jump from it...my friend a girl jump from it.........fuckin' wish to do it....got to do it and let all burns...shit God take me from here....enough

Been there.
Although I've had long bouts of serious depression in the past & come very very close to offing myself several times, I'm always glad later that I didn't.
Life's short anyway. It'll be over with before ya know it. No need to hurry.

 

[letsparty]

I'm sorry to hear that, hope you're doing better now.
We're you able to recognise how your addiction was negatively impacting your life at the time?

Thanks and yes , I'm going on 10 weeks clean
I was in denial for several years about my addiction because life was still great .. had an amazing GF, lots of real friends surrounding me and a successful business.. as things started to fall apart, I was to deep into addiction so I closed myself off from people I didn't want to see me that way .. eventually lost everything else untill I was living in my car .. the story is much longer and worse but I'll spare ya. Lol.

 

[chippermonk]

Hey all,

Been lurking for sometime now and appreciate the wealth of information available here in regard to harm reduction and generally how genuinely supportive and nonjudgmental most people are. I don’t really have any one in my personal life I can talk/vent about this or atleast don’t comfortable doing so currently so thought I’d yap here if anyone’s willing to listen and offer any advice as I’ve finally reached the tipping point where I can’t keep deluding myself into thinking that my drug use is just a “weekend habit” that I can control or stop when I want to.

Was planning on going on a meth binge (already boofed around 150-200mg in the last 14 hours and have another 2g left) that I’m trying to cut short as this sudden and overwhelming sense of disappointment and guilt is killing me. I’ve taken 15mg of Valium and might take some more in the hopes of getting some sleep and recover, but truthfully knowing me and my lack of impulse control I’ll probably go through the rest of the bag later.

Don’t want to ramble on for too long but up until a year ago the only drug apart from prescribed meds for my ADD (Ritalin, Vyvanse and Dex) I’ve only tried weed. During rough patch I bought some shrooms to try get my mind of thing but was also given an mdma pill. That fucking pill was the best experience I had in my life while simultaneously ruining it. Been trying to chase the dragon since, did no actual research prior to trying it and at start of my use so I was rolling quite frequently and I mean from every other weekend, to every weekend and every other day. And I continued to do this even after learning what kind of damage I was doing to my brain but I just couldn’t control myself or kept justifying it or told myself I won’t roll again for however long. Since the rolls were getting worse and worse I tried a few other drugs (along with taking longer breaks in between when I was able to force myself or couldn’t afford to waste money on them) like 2cb, mda, lsd, etc . But kept telling myself I wouldn’t touch the “hard stuff” (meth, coke, opioids). Well fast forward to about 2 months ago I got my hand on some meth, speed and a bit of coke to “just give it a try” even told my plug to not sell me anymore if I ask. Was meant to try each one over the span of a few weeks so I give myself some time to recover instead I did all 3 in one night. The coke had no effect on me for some reason, the speed was ok but the meth got its hook on me. For a while I was too embarrassed to ask my plug for some more so i literally resorted to taking higher and higher doses of my dexies to ease the cravings which lasted me about a week and a half and just sucked it up and bought more meth once the withdrawal started kicking in. Went through a gram last weekend and bought this bag telling myself one last binge and I’ll call it quits but at this point I know I’ll just be doing the same shit again.

I’m 24, living with my parents and sick of all the lying to hide this from my love ones, random drug tests are also somewhat common in at my job so that’s just another ticking time bomb. Feel like the walls are closing in and it’s suffocating me.

I know my best option is just to seek professional help but I just can’t have this go on any formal record or get out as it will certainly ruin my life even further.

Sorry if I’m all over the place and incoherent.
Thank you for taking the time to read all this , I appreciate and welcome any suggestions. But it just feels great to finally get this off my chest.

I don't have any real advice to share but it's good that you are having this recognition of your problem only a couple months into it. It's a lot harder to get a grip on it when it's been going on longer. So congratulations on that.
One thing, I hate to point this out, but I think maybe continuing to take dexies for ADHD may risk triggering your meth cravings.

 

[pixies+]

Hey all,

Been lurking for sometime now and appreciate the wealth of information available here in regard to harm reduction and generally how genuinely supportive and nonjudgmental most people are. I don’t really have any one in my personal life I can talk/vent about this or atleast don’t comfortable doing so currently so thought I’d yap here if anyone’s willing to listen and offer any advice as I’ve finally reached the tipping point where I can’t keep deluding myself into thinking that my drug use is just a “weekend habit” that I can control or stop when I want to.

Was planning on going on a meth binge (already boofed around 150-200mg in the last 14 hours and have another 2g left) that I’m trying to cut short as this sudden and overwhelming sense of disappointment and guilt is killing me. I’ve taken 15mg of Valium and might take some more in the hopes of getting some sleep and recover, but truthfully knowing me and my lack of impulse control I’ll probably go through the rest of the bag later.

Don’t want to ramble on for too long but up until a year ago the only drug apart from prescribed meds for my ADD (Ritalin, Vyvanse and Dex) I’ve only tried weed. During rough patch I bought some shrooms to try get my mind of thing but was also given an mdma pill. That fucking pill was the best experience I had in my life while simultaneously ruining it. Been trying to chase the dragon since, did no actual research prior to trying it and at start of my use so I was rolling quite frequently and I mean from every other weekend, to every weekend and every other day. And I continued to do this even after learning what kind of damage I was doing to my brain but I just couldn’t control myself or kept justifying it or told myself I won’t roll again for however long. Since the rolls were getting worse and worse I tried a few other drugs (along with taking longer breaks in between when I was able to force myself or couldn’t afford to waste money on them) like 2cb, mda, lsd, etc . But kept telling myself I wouldn’t touch the “hard stuff” (meth, coke, opioids). Well fast forward to about 2 months ago I got my hand on some meth, speed and a bit of coke to “just give it a try” even told my plug to not sell me anymore if I ask. Was meant to try each one over the span of a few weeks so I give myself some time to recover instead I did all 3 in one night. The coke had no effect on me for some reason, the speed was ok but the meth got its hook on me. For a while I was too embarrassed to ask my plug for some more so i literally resorted to taking higher and higher doses of my dexies to ease the cravings which lasted me about a week and a half and just sucked it up and bought more meth once the withdrawal started kicking in. Went through a gram last weekend and bought this bag telling myself one last binge and I’ll call it quits but at this point I know I’ll just be doing the same shit again.

I’m 24, living with my parents and sick of all the lying to hide this from my love ones, random drug tests are also somewhat common in at my job so that’s just another ticking time bomb. Feel like the walls are closing in and it’s suffocating me.

I know my best option is just to seek professional help but I just can’t have this go on any formal record or get out as it will certainly ruin my life even further.

Sorry if I’m all over the place and incoherent.
Thank you for taking the time to read all this , I appreciate and welcome any suggestions. But it just feels great to finally get this off my chest.

I feel my reply is going to feel so insignificant but I want to try anyways.

I’ve been through it. Not with meth.. but IV cocaine. It ruined my life in so many ways but I couldn’t stop. I was tempting fate… I wanted to die. I hoped for it every minute of every day.

I have amazing parents. I don’t deserve them. Honestly. I’ve ruined their poor minds and bodies.

I feel you MAY be surprised if you tell your parents. I’m sure they just want a healthy son(?). It won’t be easy at first. This brings up a lot of emotions. But in the long run, it would very likely be worth it.

Constantly having to hide everything about yourself is exhausting. Lying eats away at our souls. Rips our hearts apart. Rattles our minds. You don’t have to tell your parents everything… but I highly suggest finding support with your doctor if you have one… or some form of mental health institution. Easier said than done I know.

I promise things WILL get better once you start to look after yourself. Addiction is scary. We’re demonized in many ways. But you know what?? FUCK the people that look down on us. Fuck them sideways for making us feel less than. Like we’re worthless. We are anything but. We have so much to offer this world - never forget that. Ever. You’re worth getting healthy. You deserve it. You’re young my friend. 24. Get healthy now… you could live such a long beautiful life.

You can do it. Don’t let your mind trick you any longer. Seek help there’s no shame in wanting to be a better human and admitting you went a little sideways. Your mind and body will thank you. Life will be so much better … even if it feels like it’ll never be okay again… it WILL. Things have a funny way of working themselves out even though we may not see it right away.

 

[Can't.Be.Faded]

Hey all,

Been lurking for sometime now and appreciate the wealth of information available here in regard to harm reduction and generally how genuinely supportive and nonjudgmental most people are. I don’t really have any one in my personal life I can talk/vent about this or atleast don’t comfortable doing so currently so thought I’d yap here if anyone’s willing to listen and offer any advice as I’ve finally reached the tipping point where I can’t keep deluding myself into thinking that my drug use is just a “weekend habit” that I can control or stop when I want to.

Was planning on going on a meth binge (already boofed around 150-200mg in the last 14 hours and have another 2g left) that I’m trying to cut short as this sudden and overwhelming sense of disappointment and guilt is killing me. I’ve taken 15mg of Valium and might take some more in the hopes of getting some sleep and recover, but truthfully knowing me and my lack of impulse control I’ll probably go through the rest of the bag later.

Don’t want to ramble on for too long but up until a year ago the only drug apart from prescribed meds for my ADD (Ritalin, Vyvanse and Dex) I’ve only tried weed. During rough patch I bought some shrooms to try get my mind of thing but was also given an mdma pill. That fucking pill was the best experience I had in my life while simultaneously ruining it. Been trying to chase the dragon since, did no actual research prior to trying it and at start of my use so I was rolling quite frequently and I mean from every other weekend, to every weekend and every other day. And I continued to do this even after learning what kind of damage I was doing to my brain but I just couldn’t control myself or kept justifying it or told myself I won’t roll again for however long. Since the rolls were getting worse and worse I tried a few other drugs (along with taking longer breaks in between when I was able to force myself or couldn’t afford to waste money on them) like 2cb, mda, lsd, etc . But kept telling myself I wouldn’t touch the “hard stuff” (meth, coke, opioids). Well fast forward to about 2 months ago I got my hand on some meth, speed and a bit of coke to “just give it a try” even told my plug to not sell me anymore if I ask. Was meant to try each one over the span of a few weeks so I give myself some time to recover instead I did all 3 in one night. The coke had no effect on me for some reason, the speed was ok but the meth got its hook on me. For a while I was too embarrassed to ask my plug for some more so i literally resorted to taking higher and higher doses of my dexies to ease the cravings which lasted me about a week and a half and just sucked it up and bought more meth once the withdrawal started kicking in. Went through a gram last weekend and bought this bag telling myself one last binge and I’ll call it quits but at this point I know I’ll just be doing the same shit again.

I’m 24, living with my parents and sick of all the lying to hide this from my love ones, random drug tests are also somewhat common in at my job so that’s just another ticking time bomb. Feel like the walls are closing in and it’s suffocating me.

I know my best option is just to seek professional help but I just can’t have this go on any formal record or get out as it will certainly ruin my life even further.

Sorry if I’m all over the place and incoherent.
Thank you for taking the time to read all this , I appreciate and welcome any suggestions. But it just feels great to finally get this off my chesto

Hey all,

Been lurking for sometime now and appreciate the wealth of information available here in regard to harm reduction and generally how genuinely supportive and nonjudgmental most people are. I don’t really have any one in my personal life I can talk/vent about this or atleast don’t comfortable doing so currently so thought I’d yap here if anyone’s willing to listen and offer any advice as I’ve finally reached the tipping point where I can’t keep deluding myself into thinking that my drug use is just a “weekend habit” that I can control or stop when I want to.

Was planning on going on a meth binge (already boofed around 150-200mg in the last 14 hours and have another 2g left) that I’m trying to cut short as this sudden and overwhelming sense of disappointment and guilt is killing me. I’ve taken 15mg of Valium and might take some more in the hopes of getting some sleep and recover, but truthfully knowing me and my lack of impulse control I’ll probably go through the rest of the bag later.

Don’t want to ramble on for too long but up until a year ago the only drug apart from prescribed meds for my ADD (Ritalin, Vyvanse and Dex) I’ve only tried weed. During rough patch I bought some shrooms to try get my mind of thing but was also given an mdma pill. That fucking pill was the best experience I had in my life while simultaneously ruining it. Been trying to chase the dragon since, did no actual research prior to trying it and at start of my use so I was rolling quite frequently and I mean from every other weekend, to every weekend and every other day. And I continued to do this even after learning what kind of damage I was doing to my brain but I just couldn’t control myself or kept justifying it or told myself I won’t roll again for however long. Since the rolls were getting worse and worse I tried a few other drugs (along with taking longer breaks in between when I was able to force myself or couldn’t afford to waste money on them) like 2cb, mda, lsd, etc . But kept telling myself I wouldn’t touch the “hard stuff” (meth, coke, opioids). Well fast forward to about 2 months ago I got my hand on some meth, speed and a bit of coke to “just give it a try” even told my plug to not sell me anymore if I ask. Was meant to try each one over the span of a few weeks so I give myself some time to recover instead I did all 3 in one night. The coke had no effect on me for some reason, the speed was ok but the meth got its hook on me. For a while I was too embarrassed to ask my plug for some more so i literally resorted to taking higher and higher doses of my dexies to ease the cravings which lasted me about a week and a half and just sucked it up and bought more meth once the withdrawal started kicking in. Went through a gram last weekend and bought this bag telling myself one last binge and I’ll call it quits but at this point I know I’ll just be doing the same shit again.

I’m 24, living with my parents and sick of all the lying to hide this from my love ones, random drug tests are also somewhat common in at my job so that’s just another ticking time bomb. Feel like the walls are closing in and it’s suffocating me.

I know my best option is just to seek professional help but I just can’t have this go on any formal record or get out as it will certainly ruin my life even further.

Sorry if I’m all over the place and incoherent.
Thank you for taking the time to read all this , I appreciate and welcome any suggestions. But it just feels great to finally get this off my chest.

Listen very carefully to what I'm going to say. I read your post asking for help while I was on lunch and didn't have time to respond. I just got home and I'm tired as fuck and have things to do.
First thing: you're already hopelessly addicted, it's worse than you think. Very few people that get involved with Crystal meth ever truly recover. Even if you beat the odds and are able to quit and stay away from it starting now, you WILL have mental health issues that can take literally a year before you get back to normal. I say back to normal, but that's not entirely accurate because once you get addicted to meth, your life will never be the same again. It's not like pain pills, or coke. Meth is so powerful and it changes your brain chemistry, and destroys the pathways in your brain between neurons. It will also destroy the your brains ability to produce chemicals like dopamine that are what makes you feel happiness, and the ability to find joy in things you enjoy doing.

You asked for help. I'm telling you the truth. I'm sorry I can't be there in person because what you really need is for someone who cares about you to beat you to the ground and scream in your face "YOURE THROWING YOUR ENTIRE LIFE AWAY, WAKE UP!"
If you don't stop now, and I mean right now, today.. you WILL lose everything you care about in life. You will eventually start believing things that aren't true, you will not be capable of holding a job or providing for your self. The paranoid delusions will ruin what ever relationship you have with people. If you date a girl who also does it, I GUARANTEE you that she will cheat on you because all females turn into sneaky, narcissistic liars and sex addicts.

I could go on and on. Statistically speaking, it's already too late for you.
I'm sorry you're going through this, I've been through it and nobody gave me any advice, nobody gave a fuck about me. But this is blue light, and you're asking for help, and I wouldn't wish this on my worst enemy.

My advice is to buy an ounce of hydro, whatever benzo's you can get your hands on, maybe some pain pills for the first week of detox. The cravings will last for months. You will probably have dreams of doing it. Every time you get a craving, smoke weed until you're high enough to stop thinking about doing it.

If you don't stop, everything you care about in life, you will lose, eventually. If you can't stop or don't believe me or think this won't happen to you, then honestly you deserve what you get because at least you were warned.i didn't even have anyone try to talk to me, let alone explain the real to life consequences.

If you continue to do it, never, ever smoke it. Only snort it, or if you have to, eat it. If you start shooting up, it will become the only way to get high from that point forward. If you smoke it, the drug becomes even more addictive, and your teeth WILL FALL APART. I was almost as addicted to smoking and spinning the pipe as I was to the drug.

If you have friends who do it, cut them off immediately and never talk to them again. Your drug dealer is not your friend, he will not stop selling to you just because you ask him.
This is your struggle now, it's your responsibility, and nobody else's.

You need to make a choice right now: do I want to ever be a normal person again? Was life really that bad before, that using meth is the only way out?

I'm being completely honest here, the process of getting off and staying off was so difficult, and the emotional trauma of the whole experience in general, I can honestly say that I would rather kill myself than go through all of it again. It took YEARS for me to "get back to normal" but in some ways, you really can't go back to "normal" because you are no longer the same person.

I hope you believe in God, whichever one you prefer. Because actually staying off of it is so unbelievably difficult, that you will need to believe in a higher power than yourself to provide you with the strength it will take to get off and stay off.

Anything you care about in life, including whatever future you had planned for your self, you will lose all of it. People, friends, possibly family.

If you have friends who do it, cut them off for good. If you can't escape connections to the drug, ask if you can stay with family in another city.

The odds are already against as I type this. You're more fucked than you know. This is the moment when you have to decide if throwing everything and everyone away is worth a cheap thrill.

I'm sorry if I sounded rude or exaggerated things. I know what happened to my life, but I also saw first hand what it did to the people around me.

I've sat in a bedroom full of people passing a meth bong around for hours with a screaming infant sitting 2 feet away in a crib and nobody gave a fuck, because meth takes your soul. It just does. People put babies in microwaves because they won't stop crying because nobody had fed them or changed their diaper for a week. This shit is real man.

I'm so sorry this is happening to you, I wish there was more I could do. Remember what I said about weed. It takes the cravings away. But you're going to need A LOT of it.

Good luck man. I hope you come out better than me, and everyone else I knew who did it, and what happened to them too.

 

[Can't.Be.Faded]

Hey all,

Been lurking for sometime now and appreciate the wealth of information available here in regard to harm reduction and generally how genuinely supportive and nonjudgmental most people are. I don’t really have any one in my personal life I can talk/vent about this or atleast don’t comfortable doing so currently so thought I’d yap here if anyone’s willing to listen and offer any advice as I’ve finally reached the tipping point where I can’t keep deluding myself into thinking that my drug use is just a “weekend habit” that I can control or stop when I want to.

Was planning on going on a meth binge (already boofed around 150-200mg in the last 14 hours and have another 2g left) that I’m trying to cut short as this sudden and overwhelming sense of disappointment and guilt is killing me. I’ve taken 15mg of Valium and might take some more in the hopes of getting some sleep and recover, but truthfully knowing me and my lack of impulse control I’ll probably go through the rest of the bag later.

Don’t want to ramble on for too long but up until a year ago the only drug apart from prescribed meds for my ADD (Ritalin, Vyvanse and Dex) I’ve only tried weed. During rough patch I bought some shrooms to try get my mind of thing but was also given an mdma pill. That fucking pill was the best experience I had in my life while simultaneously ruining it. Been trying to chase the dragon since, did no actual research prior to trying it and at start of my use so I was rolling quite frequently and I mean from every other weekend, to every weekend and every other day. And I continued to do this even after learning what kind of damage I was doing to my brain but I just couldn’t control myself or kept justifying it or told myself I won’t roll again for however long. Since the rolls were getting worse and worse I tried a few other drugs (along with taking longer breaks in between when I was able to force myself or couldn’t afford to waste money on them) like 2cb, mda, lsd, etc . But kept telling myself I wouldn’t touch the “hard stuff” (meth, coke, opioids). Well fast forward to about 2 months ago I got my hand on some meth, speed and a bit of coke to “just give it a try” even told my plug to not sell me anymore if I ask. Was meant to try each one over the span of a few weeks so I give myself some time to recover instead I did all 3 in one night. The coke had no effect on me for some reason, the speed was ok but the meth got its hook on me. For a while I was too embarrassed to ask my plug for some more so i literally resorted to taking higher and higher doses of my dexies to ease the cravings which lasted me about a week and a half and just sucked it up and bought more meth once the withdrawal started kicking in. Went through a gram last weekend and bought this bag telling myself one last binge and I’ll call it quits but at this point I know I’ll just be doing the same shit again.

I’m 24, living with my parents and sick of all the lying to hide this from my love ones, random drug tests are also somewhat common in at my job so that’s just another ticking time bomb. Feel like the walls are closing in and it’s suffocating me.

I know my best option is just to seek professional help but I just can’t have this go on any formal record or get out as it will certainly ruin my life even further.

Sorry if I’m all over the place and incoherent.
Thank you for taking the time to read all this , I appreciate and welcome any suggestions. But it just feels great to finally get this off my chest.

Oh yeah, one more thing. A lot of meth addicts become bisexual, because they have nothing to offer a female, so if you like sucking dick, that's something you might look forward to.

 

[Can't.Be.Faded]

I'm sorry for sounding so harsh, I'm not an asshole. If you are ever in crisis you can DM me if you want, I'll even give you my phone number if you need someone to talk to. I only ask that you not contact me when you are high.

If you do try to stop, and things get too rough to handle, just say in your head over and over "Honor, courage, loyalty, respect" that helped me, and I still use it to this day.

Again, I'm sorry. I'd burn my whole paycheck for you if it would do anything. But this is all up to you now. I hope to fucking God you make a fool out of me.
But this is blue light. For some of us, this is really the only community we have. And I have a debt to pay back. So here I am.
All of my friends are dead. Except for two, who never did hard drugs. Everyone else is dead. This is very real, you have to understand what you're dealing with. I'm sorry. Please stop now. As a total stranger, I'm begging you.

 

[pixies+]

I'm sorry for sounding so harsh, I'm not an asshole. If you are ever in crisis you can DM me if you want, I'll even give you my phone number if you need someone to talk to. I only ask that you not contact me when you are high.

Again, I'm sorry. I'd burn my whole paycheck for you if it would do anything. But this is all up to you now. I hope to fucking God you make a fool out of me.
This is blue light. For some of us, this is really the only community we have. All of my friends are dead. Except for two, who never did hard drugs. Everyone else is dead. This is very real, you have to understand what you're dealing with. I'm sorry. Please stop now. As a total stranger, I'm begging you.

For what it’s worth, I appreciate you taking the time to lay out the cold hard facts.

They’re not pleasant. But I believe you’re coming from a place of love and I have a lot of respect for that.

Thank you for responding to this person

I’m sorry you’ve dealt with so much in your life. My heart breaks for so many people. I wish I could do more. Though I understand that’s not exactly possible.

I’m glad you made it through the other side… I cannot even begin to imagine your pain and struggles.

Please be well

 

[jasperkent]

Hey all,

FWIW, I've struggled with alcoholism my entire life & also went through periods of addiction to other drugs: IV cocaine, opioids, & methamphetamine.
For me, meth was by far the easiest to quit & recover from. I wanted to throw that out there.
Everybody’s different. YMMV.

 

[letsparty]

Listen very carefully to what I'm going to say. I read your post asking for help while I was on lunch and didn't have time to respond. I just got home and I'm tired as fuck and have things to do.
First thing: you're already hopelessly addicted, it's worse than you think. Very few people that get involved with Crystal meth ever truly recover. Even if you beat the odds and are able to quit and stay away from it starting now, you WILL have mental health issues that can take literally a year before you get back to normal. I say back to normal, but that's not entirely accurate because once you get addicted to meth, your life will never be the same again. It's not like pain pills, or coke. Meth is so powerful and it changes your brain chemistry, and destroys the pathways in your brain between neurons. It will also destroy the your brains ability to produce chemicals like dopamine that are what makes you feel happiness, and the ability to find joy in things you enjoy doing.

You asked for help. I'm telling you the truth. I'm sorry I can't be there in person because what you really need is for someone who cares about you to beat you to the ground and scream in your face "YOURE THROWING YOUR ENTIRE LIFE AWAY, WAKE UP!"
If you don't stop now, and I mean right now, today.. you WILL lose everything you care about in life. You will eventually start believing things that aren't true, you will not be capable of holding a job or providing for your self. The paranoid delusions will ruin what ever relationship you have with people. If you date a girl who also does it, I GUARANTEE you that she will cheat on you because all females turn into sneaky, narcissistic liars and sex addicts.

I could go on and on. Statistically speaking, it's already too late for you.
I'm sorry you're going through this, I've been through it and nobody gave me any advice, nobody gave a fuck about me. But this is blue light, and you're asking for help, and I wouldn't wish this on my worst enemy.

My advice is to buy an ounce of hydro, whatever benzo's you can get your hands on, maybe some pain pills for the first week of detox. The cravings will last for months. You will probably have dreams of doing it. Every time you get a craving, smoke weed until you're high enough to stop thinking about doing it.

If you don't stop, everything you care about in life, you will lose, eventually. If you can't stop or don't believe me or think this won't happen to you, then honestly you deserve what you get because at least you were warned.i didn't even have anyone try to talk to me, let alone explain the real to life consequences.

If you continue to do it, never, ever smoke it. Only snort it, or if you have to, eat it. If you start shooting up, it will become the only way to get high from that point forward. If you smoke it, the drug becomes even more addictive, and your teeth WILL FALL APART. I was almost as addicted to smoking and spinning the pipe as I was to the drug.

If you have friends who do it, cut them off immediately and never talk to them again. Your drug dealer is not your friend, he will not stop selling to you just because you ask him.
This is your struggle now, it's your responsibility, and nobody else's.

You need to make a choice right now: do I want to ever be a normal person again? Was life really that bad before, that using meth is the only way out?

I'm being completely honest here, the process of getting off and staying off was so difficult, and the emotional trauma of the whole experience in general, I can honestly say that I would rather kill myself than go through all of it again. It took YEARS for me to "get back to normal" but in some ways, you really can't go back to "normal" because you are no longer the same person.

I hope you believe in God, whichever one you prefer. Because actually staying off of it is so unbelievably difficult, that you will need to believe in a higher power than yourself to provide you with the strength it will take to get off and stay off.

Anything you care about in life, including whatever future you had planned for your self, you will lose all of it. People, friends, possibly family.

If you have friends who do it, cut them off for good. If you can't escape connections to the drug, ask if you can stay with family in another city.

The odds are already against as I type this. You're more fucked than you know. This is the moment when you have to decide if throwing everything and everyone away is worth a cheap thrill.

I'm sorry if I sounded rude or exaggerated things. I know what happened to my life, but I also saw first hand what it did to the people around me.

I've sat in a bedroom full of people passing a meth bong around for hours with a screaming infant sitting 2 feet away in a crib and nobody gave a fuck, because meth takes your soul. It just does. People put babies in microwaves because they won't stop crying because nobody had fed them or changed their diaper for a week. This shit is real man.

I'm so sorry this is happening to you, I wish there was more I could do. Remember what I said about weed. It takes the cravings away. But you're going to need A LOT of it.

Good luck man. I hope you come out better than me, and everyone else I knew who did it, and what happened to them too.

As wild as this sounds , it's the truth for most addicts and for some folks needs to be laid out this way ....kinda like the one family member that truly cares and is yelling at you

Preach #cant.be.faded

 

[oneslipperyslope]

Just want to quickly log on and say thank you to everyone for the responses. Really do appreciate it and it made a difference. Haven’t used since the last redose and I don’t want to touch the stuff again. Took time off last week to deal with the withdrawal and I’m just trying to sort myself out a bit before I go see my psychiatrist or someone else for professional help. I did end up telling a close friend about my use to hold me accountable for the time being. I haven’t had any cravings or urges but it’s only been a week so I doubt that will last long. Again, thanks everyone.

 

[Deleted member 554582]

Been there.
Although I've had long bouts of serious depression in the past & come very very close to offing myself several times, I'm always glad later that I didn't.
Life's short anyway. It'll be over with before ya know it. No need to hurry.

thank u for ur kindness broda....u gotta all my respect sir!