Dolby
Greenlighter
Hello everyone,
I have been using this amazing website for almost 8 years now and tonight I have finally decided to create an account and join in on the discussions. I am not exactly sure what can and cant be said, so please guide me as I work my account up. Basically, I am a male Caucasian and approaching 25 years old. I live in sunny California, although right now its a bit chilly. I am a full blown drug addict and I have accepted it. They control my life, and ruin it.
Anyways, I started using substances at 15 and never stopped. The longest I have been clean is 36 days. I never really felt like an addict until I met opiates at 19. Then they took over and completely controlled my life and the lying and stealing and manipulating all came with it, until I turned 24 (Earlier this year). I have been an IV user since I was 21 and unfortunately developed that needle addiction. Anyways, I have been clean from Heroin since March 2017. This is only because I get the Vivitrol shot once a month, making it impossible for me to use any opiates. At first I thought this solved my drug problem. However I quickly (36 days later) began to mess with all the other drugs. Before Heroin, I had basically tried everything but never felt addicted. Anyways to sum things up, I got clean off opiates from the Vivitrol and now I do nearly anything just for the escape. Sometimes certain substances give me negative side effects and I will still repeatedly do them. Like I am torturing myself. I do not smoke weed because of the anxiety, although I did from age 15-21. Also, I very rarely drink alcohol because the hangover is just to much. For the past 3 months my current binge has been about 15-30 IV Cocaine shots, 2-4mg Xanax, and 2-8 [350mg] SOMA. Daily. Every single damn day. I accepted a long time ago that I will most likely die from drugs. They have ruled my life, and I gave up years ago.
Okay some GOOD stuff about me. Before I got really into the IV Heroin, I managed to get my Bachelors in Mathematics and an Associates in Computer Science. With all the damage I have done to my brain and body, mathematics and literally anything technological just come naturally to me. I suppose in that sense I am blessed. I graduated High School with a 1.7 GPA...
I lost all my friends because of the IV use. I lost my fiancee of 7 years because of how this all changed me. Yet with all these negatives and that little voice in the back of my head saying "You need to stop", honestly I do not want to. I am not sure if this is normal for a drug addict. I feel lost and finally realized that this forum is a community that I can at least talk to.
Currently I am unemployed and most days would rather be dead then a functioning member of society.
I am very sorry for this rant, it just feels nice to kinda vent and type it out. If I broke any rules, please let me know and I will correct them and learn for the future. I do have one substance related question, but since my account is new I am not sure where to ask. Or if I even can.
Much love to all of you!
I have been using this amazing website for almost 8 years now and tonight I have finally decided to create an account and join in on the discussions. I am not exactly sure what can and cant be said, so please guide me as I work my account up. Basically, I am a male Caucasian and approaching 25 years old. I live in sunny California, although right now its a bit chilly. I am a full blown drug addict and I have accepted it. They control my life, and ruin it.
Anyways, I started using substances at 15 and never stopped. The longest I have been clean is 36 days. I never really felt like an addict until I met opiates at 19. Then they took over and completely controlled my life and the lying and stealing and manipulating all came with it, until I turned 24 (Earlier this year). I have been an IV user since I was 21 and unfortunately developed that needle addiction. Anyways, I have been clean from Heroin since March 2017. This is only because I get the Vivitrol shot once a month, making it impossible for me to use any opiates. At first I thought this solved my drug problem. However I quickly (36 days later) began to mess with all the other drugs. Before Heroin, I had basically tried everything but never felt addicted. Anyways to sum things up, I got clean off opiates from the Vivitrol and now I do nearly anything just for the escape. Sometimes certain substances give me negative side effects and I will still repeatedly do them. Like I am torturing myself. I do not smoke weed because of the anxiety, although I did from age 15-21. Also, I very rarely drink alcohol because the hangover is just to much. For the past 3 months my current binge has been about 15-30 IV Cocaine shots, 2-4mg Xanax, and 2-8 [350mg] SOMA. Daily. Every single damn day. I accepted a long time ago that I will most likely die from drugs. They have ruled my life, and I gave up years ago.
Okay some GOOD stuff about me. Before I got really into the IV Heroin, I managed to get my Bachelors in Mathematics and an Associates in Computer Science. With all the damage I have done to my brain and body, mathematics and literally anything technological just come naturally to me. I suppose in that sense I am blessed. I graduated High School with a 1.7 GPA...
I lost all my friends because of the IV use. I lost my fiancee of 7 years because of how this all changed me. Yet with all these negatives and that little voice in the back of my head saying "You need to stop", honestly I do not want to. I am not sure if this is normal for a drug addict. I feel lost and finally realized that this forum is a community that I can at least talk to.
Currently I am unemployed and most days would rather be dead then a functioning member of society.
I am very sorry for this rant, it just feels nice to kinda vent and type it out. If I broke any rules, please let me know and I will correct them and learn for the future. I do have one substance related question, but since my account is new I am not sure where to ask. Or if I even can.
Much love to all of you!
