tryingHardEr
Greenlighter
Hey there! I finally am through the worst of my wds. I posted on a different thread while so confused and starting to feel the wds. I got no responses but I continued to post in that thread talking myself through everything!
I had 17 months clean and about a month and a half ago, I went on this month long binge. My doc are opiates , and lots of me. It's crazy how you don't use anything for so long and then when you do, you pick up right where you left off. What I mean is that it's like I never stopped. The amount, the tolerance, the endless viscous cycle of cravings for more. But luckily a couple nights ago I threw my hands up again and said I've had enough.
In just this month I am in debt over 3,000 from taking out a cash loan to buy all the pills I wanted. That money didn't last long at all. I sold my suboxones to people for more money. I have suffered at work tremendously. I actually stole some money from my job. this addict just returned full force so fast and hard. I wasn't expecting to do the things I did.
Thank the God I'm alive. But I'm embarrassed to return to my support group and tell them the truth. So I'm here talking about it u till I get the courage to be honest again. I gotta get through the next week and get back on my suboxone routine. I need to rest my body and mind because of how disappointed I feel about myself and my choices. I don't blame my decisions on this "disease" I know I made be choice to pick up. So as the guilt manifests, I know it's a shitty place to stay in. So how do I forgive myself?
Thanks for listening. I'm glad to be here.
I had 17 months clean and about a month and a half ago, I went on this month long binge. My doc are opiates , and lots of me. It's crazy how you don't use anything for so long and then when you do, you pick up right where you left off. What I mean is that it's like I never stopped. The amount, the tolerance, the endless viscous cycle of cravings for more. But luckily a couple nights ago I threw my hands up again and said I've had enough.
In just this month I am in debt over 3,000 from taking out a cash loan to buy all the pills I wanted. That money didn't last long at all. I sold my suboxones to people for more money. I have suffered at work tremendously. I actually stole some money from my job. this addict just returned full force so fast and hard. I wasn't expecting to do the things I did.
Thank the God I'm alive. But I'm embarrassed to return to my support group and tell them the truth. So I'm here talking about it u till I get the courage to be honest again. I gotta get through the next week and get back on my suboxone routine. I need to rest my body and mind because of how disappointed I feel about myself and my choices. I don't blame my decisions on this "disease" I know I made be choice to pick up. So as the guilt manifests, I know it's a shitty place to stay in. So how do I forgive myself?
Thanks for listening. I'm glad to be here.
