Finally I'm accepted but what if?

[kace]

Wow what a great post but sadly its not always that easy I mean dont we all deep in side look for a tiny bit of exseption from others? I mean it truly is important to fit in and if we dont we miss a whole bit of are lives. I dont want to go back to where I use to be. It sucks being an outsider. It sucks being alone and if we dont give a fuck about what epople think abotu us and were at that level but still dont give a flying fuck then were missing out...

Well.. Yeah it's important to have a solid group of mates, a group you can completely be yourself around and whom you trust and shit. But seriously, as soon as you leave highschool everything will change. If you go to uni, or work, sure there are different friendship/ social groups, but nobody really gives a shit about popularity. Yep you get some drama, but generally as long as you're friendly and not a total dick/ manipulative/ decepetive biatch, people will accept you. Just relax, enjoy being young and try to stop caring so much about what other people think (most of the time they are wrapped in their own issues anyways).

 

[masumune]

Originally Posted by lars90 View Post
Yeah I agree thanks for that advie it really helped. Tennagers understand just as much as adults or alomost as much becasue that part of their brain is almost already fully developed but the difrence is the emotinal brain still has to adapt and other little parts as well.

Don't listen to that guy dude, he is trying to say a bunch of superficial shit is more important than REAL shit. This wont help you and is the kind of thinking that makes people hollow and boring. Teenagers don't understand in general how life and society works. That shit about your brain being developed may be true but only means your have the ability to comprehend as much as an adult. It doesn't provide you with wisdom which is what you need to realize how un important what you are seeking is. Also the person you quoted is acting like you need popularity to get connections and to be socially adept. This is untrue. You can't all the things they stated without vats popularity. All you need is personality, determination, ambition & hope.

Well.. Yeah it's important to have a solid group of mates, a group you can completely be yourself around and whom you trust and shit. But seriously, as soon as you leave highschool everything will change. If you go to uni, or work, sure there are different friendship/ social groups, but nobody really gives a shit about popularity. Yep you get some drama, but generally as long as you're friendly and not a total dick/ manipulative/ decepetive biatch, people will accept you. Just relax, enjoy being young and try to stop caring so much about what other people think (most of the time they are wrapped in their own issues anyways).

lars90 you should listen to us.
Unfortunately you have it back wards. You see, you are missing out in life by obsessing over acceptance. You are beating your self up over such a insignificant part of life that you are neglecting the actual important aspects of life. Trust me, you are not missing out on anything. You really want a school full of cheap friends over a few good friends?
I don't mean to be a dick but being this obsessed with popularity makes you incredibly boring. People want to hang around chill fun loving people that don't take themselves seriously. You just sound like a drag to be around. Stop feeling sorry for yourself and be yourself and you will get some acceptance.
This is why the people who get obsessed with this kind of thing tend to not have many friends, it is just an off putting personality trait that no body likes. Just be your fucking self and fuck everyone else if they don't like it. You are wasting your time in life.

 

[lars90]

Thats right masumune I need more of a personality that I dont have...

 

[Rose Petal]

First up, I'm sorry if I repeat what others have said.. normally I read all the replies but today just the actual question due to time constraints..

First, Love yourself. Respect yourself. Appreciate and Value Yourself and then others will too.

Lars.. It is NORMAL for you to feel anxiety about your friendships, and your place in the within your social setting.. in this case being school. You might be surprised to find that even the people you think are popular are filled with insecurities of their own, and in many cases are able to pass themselves off as popular by faking self confidence they don't really have. You will probably notice when you think about it, that the people you consider 'popular' all have one thing in common.. Confidence. You can seem more popular by faking confidence. That doesn't mean not being yourself, it means adopting a new way of 'being' in the world, and changing your mindset. It means learning to hold you head up, putting your shoulders back, walking with purpose wherever you go, and smiling.. a lot. Saying hi and giving a friendly smile to people you pass in the hallway if you make eye contact.. that sort of thing. After a while this behavior should become second nature to you, and you won't have to think about it. You will find that people begin to gravitate more toward you when you are friendly toward them.

Think, Behave, and Become the Person You Would Most Like To Already Be. 'I Think I Am' so very quickly becomes 'I AM'!

Think of it this way: Who knows you best? Your mother? Classmates? Boys? Neighbors? The answer should be YOU. You know yourself better than anybody else knows you, right? That's the assumption we all make, subconsciously, without even thinking about it. Therefore if you seem sure of yourself, seem happy, seem confident, seem friendly, people will assume that you approve of yourself. And if the person who knows YOU the best, approves of you, who is going to argue with them? Obviously the reverse is true, if you appear not to approve of yourself. Nobody's going to argue with that either.. they'll just stay away from you based on your own 'opinion' of yourself.
The essence of confidence is self approval. If you are confident you are telling the world 'I'm okay'. 'I like myself'. 'I am fun to be with', 'I know where I am going', 'I'm not afraid of you and I'm not threatened of you or jealous of you, that's why I can afford to be friendly and say Hi. If you reject me, that's your problem!, your loss!' You can give out all of that information simply by the way that you carry yourself. The way that you conduct yourself around others. Truly popular people are 'Nice'.

Never Give People A Reason To Dislike You

It is very difficult to dislike a person who makes you feel good about your self. Think about a person you like. Somebody you enjoy spending time with, trust, and would like to consider a friend of yours. Now ask yourself what it is about them that makes you want to be around them. I guarantee you it isn't the girl who criticizes you or puts you down, or ignores you as though you weren't there at all. Most likely it will be somebody who is warm and friendly toward you. The girl who told you she liked the way you do your hair, or asked your advice about skincare because she admires your complexion so. Someone who doesn't keep you waiting, because she knows your time is important too. Never forgets your birthday. Remembers your brothers' name. Compliments you regularly and doesn't bitch about people behind their back (so you instinctively trust her not to do so to you).

Treat People (ALL people) The Way You Would Like Them To Treat You

We are all drawn to people who make us feel good about ourselves. People will want to be your friend if they feel happy when they are in your company. That is the key to being liked. You can learn a great deal by being a 'people watcher.' The next time you are in a group of people, try to observe the interactions going on between them. Watch for the ones who talk talk talk but never listen. Don't be one of those. Ask people questions about themselves. Everybody likes to talk about themselves ill naturally seek you out, because you make them feel important and interesting. If you stick to the old 'Do unto others as you would have them and if you show interest in them they wdo unto you' you can't go wrong in life.

 

[Rose Petal]

Oopsadaisy.. I think I forgot to answer your question. ;-)

I will just say this. If you are losing friends because you are mistreating them, you need to ask yourself some serious questions. What is behind the anger and 'grumpiness' that causes you to say and do unkind things to friends.

If it is a mood disorder, you need to see a doctor for a referral to a psychologist or psychiatrist (depending upon whether he feels you can be helped immediately by counseling (- psychologist) or whether you need a more formal diagnosis, or tests to establish any underlying psychiatric conditions. When you go to the doctor (and please DO go to a doctor) you must be completely honest with him or her about everything. If you have a history of abuse during your childhood, or some traumatic incident has happened for which you've never received any counseling, then TELL him (or her). If you aren't eating well you need to be honest about that too. (Many teenagers have eating disorders and keep it a secret out of fear or shame. The imbalance caused by unhealthy eating or purging can lead to severe depression and mood disorders, that is why it's relevant to mention here).

More seriously, if you are taking ANY drugs, it is highly likely that you will be affected psychologically by this, in a bad way. At just 16 you are still a child, your body and brain is still developing. By adding drugs into the mix you are inviting trouble. I always worry when I hear of children taking substances because the consequences to a young person are so very much more severe than to adults who are fully grown. It is highly likely that if you smoke marajuana or take benzos or any other kind of medication for recreational purposes, that this would be enough to cause mood disturbances.

Somebody made a comment about presuming you take drugs because you wouldn't be here otherwise.. I do hope that you don't feel you must take drugs in order to come to this place. This site should be accessed by young people in it's harm reduction capacity. It's a place where you can be honest about whatever it is you are doing, and you won't be judged or get in trouble with your folks. But I would hope that NOBODY here would condone you - at just 16 years old - taking drugs of any sort. Not pot, not benzos, nor even alcohol on any sort of regular basis. If you knew of how vital this is to a young person whose brain is still in the stage of growing, I think you would take me very seriously on this. Please, if you are - then STOP! It could f**k you up for life in ways you never thought possible. Please trust me on that.. I've studied extensively in that area of anatomy (the human body) and pharmacology (drugs - medicinal or recreational, and the effect of them on the body).

Hormones all by themselves could be causing you to be moody or have outbursts, and to treat other's badly because of irritability on your part. Drugs will do this too, with even more devastating effects than on your social life. Further, drugs can actually bring on a psychiatric condition if there is a predisposition for it (and even if there isn't). Sometimes the results can be permanent, ie, large quantities of MMDA can cause life long depression, and psychedelics can alter the wiring in the brain to the point where a person can have delusions and hallucinations long after the trip! There is so much to learn and to know before putting substances into your body. - one of the reasons this place is a good source of knowledge when someone would otherwise be too ashamed or embarrassed to seek out valuable information.

I hope I have helped you in some way. I don't mean to preach.

Wishing you all the best sweetie.

R

PS.. feel free to PM me.

PPS I'm not sure if you are male or female. Doesn't really matter I suppose.