Finally I'm accepted but what if?

[lars90]

First of I have no Idea where to post this thread that why I chose this forum feel free to change the forum if you like Mods

Well I just wanted to share this because there is nobody on earth in my life that is my friend who I could talk to this about. So I decided I would post it here.
Its about my self and I hate posting this feeling crap but sometimes you just have to get something of your mind and sense Im pretty anonmous here (I mean this in a way that I will most probably not ever speak to any of you guys).

You can skip this Paragraph if you dont feel like reading bunches its just a short record of my popularity life.
So heres the thing my whole life goes of and on of being a outsider or being popular. I have always wanted to have a bunch of friends and love my life and I was only really able to achive this in 2 points of my life once in 4th grade when I changed and the people in my class started liking me again( this was the first time I really liked my life ) . They had hated me an been mean until that point. Well then 6th grade I had a huge fight with one guy I made up with by now again. I changed again and started being grochy to everyone because I was in a bad mood because of him all the time. after that I had no firends again until I moved to the USA for 1 year. I wasnt really poplular there but I had firends and I had good friends the ones you wish you had for a life long. The kind of friends lagh about evrything with and you would never start a fight with. They accsepted me for what I was probaly because I accsepted them for what they were. Well then I moved back to germany and everyone started hating em again once again even after coming in a new class. Then after a year I started fighting with my self to change and I did they accsept me now and I have bunches of freinds and Im meeting lots of new people again aswell. Now I am 16. But what if.

What if I make a misstake I start changed to be mean and grocuchy again what if they dont accsept me what if I make an idiot of my self. What if I end up at the way bottum again?What if I mess around with people that I should be better not messed with and I am back to the ground again? Its so easy to fall down but its so hard to climb up again! I wouldnt be able to do the whole thing again. I just want this life so badly and I have always wanted it so why shoulnd it be granted to me to live this way? Oh gosh the more I think about this the more critical it gets
I really dont know what I would do. At first I even threid the whole thing with alkohol but I really dint need it. I am fine without being drunk aswell. That could have ended fatal as well! I wwas lucky.



What do I think I will get with this post? Or why am I psoting this?
Well I though you guys might be able to tell me something to the point I am standing put your opinion on this down write some inspireing words.
I really really hate always posting things about my self here and I rather like helping others but I really had to tell this to someone get it off my mind ...

 

[Tommyboy]

You can post this in your blog, maybe that's a better place for it. Also, just to make sure I understand correctly, you are saying that you finally found a group of friends, but are worried about losing them and having to start all over again, correct?

 

[RobotRipping]

most of the friends you will make in school are superficial relationships, they are based only on proximity and nothing concrete. Friends will come and go so don't base your happiness on popularity. This isn't to say you can't make real friends but i'd approximate for every 10-20 friends you have maybe 1 or 2 will actually end up being real friends.

You shouldn't worry so much about not being popular or not having friends. If you are fun, comfortable in your own skin and people like being around you then you will naturally have lots of friends. I'd really avoid being grouchy, grumpy or mean to people as that will certainly not play in your favor.

Like you, i've been through periods where i was incredibly popular and well liked and other times a completely introverted weirdo loner. I'm much older now and i still cant' really think of why things change so much. It seems like luck to me but i have my best experiences when i am very open and outgoing, people do not gravitate to quiet shy people for whatever reason. So even if you're not like that, try to be open, outgoing, fun, extroverted and carefree. I usually end up becoming arrogant and alienate myself from everyone, basically following the same cycle as you.

I had many friends in university but as the years went on, they started to dwindle to no one. Then when i started working i had tons of friends, but was also a massive drug addict, cleaned up and no friends again. After a while you will get good at just meeting random people and becoming friends with them.

 

[lars90]

You can post this in your blog, maybe that's a better place for it. Also, just to make sure I understand correctly, you are saying that you finally found a group of friends, but are worried about losing them and having to start all over again, correct?

Not I group I pretty much get allong with every group but the hiigher I go the more criticle it gets.

most of the friends you will make in school are superficial relationships, they are based only on proximity and nothing concrete. Friends will come and go so don't base your happiness on popularity. This isn't to say you can't make real friends but i'd approximate for every 10-20 friends you have maybe 1 or 2 will actually end up being real friends.

You shouldn't worry so much about not being popular or not having friends. If you are fun, comfortable in your own skin and people like being around you then you will naturally have lots of friends. I'd really avoid being grouchy, grumpy or mean to people as that will certainly not play in your favor.

Like you, i've been through periods where i was incredibly popular and well liked and other times a completely introverted weirdo loner. I'm much older now and i still cant' really think of why things change so much. It seems like luck to me but i have my best experiences when i am very open and outgoing, people do not gravitate to quiet shy people for whatever reason. So even if you're not like that, try to be open, outgoing, fun, extroverted and carefree. I usually end up becoming arrogant and alienate myself from everyone, basically following the same cycle as you.

I had many friends in university but as the years went on, they started to dwindle to no one. Then when i started working i had tons of friends, but was also a massive drug addict, cleaned up and no friends again. After a while you will get good at just meeting random people and becoming friends with them.

Well you say this as if it were so easy. But these are major changes I made. I still dont feel confortable in my own skin quit yet but I have to say its getting better
very helpfull post. Very intresting to see someone who as already been though all of this .
Let me ask waht were you addicted to or are you addicted to? I meen you have posted almost on all my threads and helped out allot and I am very thankfull for that

 

[RobotRipping]

haha you're welcome, i have fun posting in your threads, not trying to stalk you or anything. I'm currently an opiate addict maintaining on poppy tea. However i was a benzo addict when i was making friends with everyone, i literally got along with everyone and everyone loved me. Even people i thought i would never get along with, i was great friends with. As soon as i got clean, everyone was gone.

it's certainly not easy to constantly have to change yourself and adapt to new people but trust me, you will get good at it, to the point where you can infiltrate elite social circles. As a kid i moved around a lot and was constantly put into new situations where i had to fend for myself and work my way to the top. I know you've had similar experiences. It sucks starting from the bottom, but after a bunch of times, you will start to notice that all groups of people function very similar socially and it is very easy to work your way into them after a while. These 'higher up' social groups have certain ways of behaving and accepted ways of treating/dealing with people. It's like a set of rules that you must abide by and learn, and then you're in.

This all sounds kind of manipulative and messed up but it's really how i've come to understand such things. In the end, if you can just be yourself, be happy with that, you'll find like-minded people and that's are where you are going to find your best friends. You can become very popular through manipulation but it's all meaningless in the end.

 

[juniorcat]

I'm the same as you guys, as are most people in their own heads. It's a matter of realising this, that indeed, most people are going through this continuous social climb and fall. And one of the best realisations of them all is that their perception is more inward than you might expect, like yours. It's what you do with this realisation that counts.

One day you will find yourself and be a master at seeing how little people think of your shortcomings and are more focused on their own, for they to are far too busy searching for their own selves. It's the real cunts that make a big deal of your short comings despite the fact that they barely even care and are only standing their ground based on superficial morality and un-questioning faith in the conditioned social schemas.

Stop worrying about what other people are thinking about you, because they are worrying about what you are thinking about them.

Another thing is that groups, come together and settle in their comfort together, never venturing further than their childhood friendships or friendships they have aquainted through those, or work friendships, or any friendships within close proximity which are safe and easy. These groups often get bored in relishing friendship as they are so clearly often forced and then they decide to hate or pick on an individual for this brings them closer together and their stale relationships (which have forgotten all worth, and are only retained through interest of family, school, work or ease) become safe again.

 

[lars90]

haha you're welcome, i have fun posting in your threads, not trying to stalk you or anything. I'm currently an opiate addict maintaining on poppy tea. However i was a benzo addict when i was making friends with everyone, i literally got along with everyone and everyone loved me. Even people i thought i would never get along with, i was great friends with. As soon as i got clean, everyone was gone.

it's certainly not easy to constantly have to change yourself and adapt to new people but trust me, you will get good at it, to the point where you can infiltrate elite social circles. As a kid i moved around a lot and was constantly put into new situations where i had to fend for myself and work my way to the top. I know you've had similar experiences. It sucks starting from the bottom, but after a bunch of times, you will start to notice that all groups of people function very similar socially and it is very easy to work your way into them after a while. These 'higher up' social groups have certain ways of behaving and accepted ways of treating/dealing with people. It's like a set of rules that you must abide by and learn, and then you're in.

This all sounds kind of manipulative and messed up but it's really how i've come to understand such things. In the end, if you can just be yourself, be happy with that, you'll find like-minded people and that's are where you are going to find your best friends. You can become very popular through manipulation but it's all meaningless in the end.

First od Iwish you luck with your addictions.
Yeah Ilove reading your comments they are always very helpfull but how do you always find my threads? is it coindence or do you search ? ^^
No I share your opinion it is easy to manipulate people but to keep that way and staying on that path is the hard think. I wrote those few things on my arm band and always when I forget I will look now

I'm the same as you guys, as are most people in their own heads. It's a matter of realising this, that indeed, most people are going through this continuous social climb and fall. And one of the best realisations of them all is that their perception is more inward than you might expect, like yours. It's what you do with this realisation that counts.

One day you will find yourself and be a master at seeing how little people think of your shortcomings and are more focused on their own, for they to are far too busy searching for their own selves. It's the real cunts that make a big deal of your short comings despite the fact that they barely even care and are only standing their ground based on superficial morality and un-questioning faith in the conditioned social schemas.

Stop worrying about what other people are thinking about you, because they are worrying about what you are thinking about them.

Another thing is that groups, come together and settle in their comfort together, never venturing further than their childhood friendships or friendships they have aquainted through those, or work friendships, or any friendships within close proximity which are safe and easy. These groups often get bored in relishing friendship as they are so clearly often forced and then they decide to hate or pick on an individual for this brings them closer together and their stale relationships (which have forgotten all worth, and are only retained through interest of family, school, work or ease) become safe again.

But waht if I wanna be like that what If i do care about others people thoughs about me? If I didnt it would still be the same. Still very intelligent post

 

[alasdairm]

homeless -> slr

alasdair

 

[Edvard Munch]

I really can't say anything beyond a purely individualistic stance that I constantly take. It's hard for me to grasp your worry because I lack such respect for those in whom need acceptance within one group or another. I have no advice but to fall of the planet as your kind of thinking is disgusting and a constant degradation of our species. Anything I can recommend seriously, will not be taken seriously in your eyes, so I only wish you the best and prosperity beyond what you're asking.

 

[slimvictor]

^ Small-hearted comments. Mean. Just like another post of yours I have seen today, you totally lack empathy for many categories of people. I used to be somewhat similar, so I can tell you that my experience has shown me that this is not a happy way to live. I feel sorry for you.

OP, you need to work on your self-respect until you don't give a flying fuck about what anyone thinks.
You should not need anyone's approval.

 

[Edvard Munch]

^ Small-hearted comments. Mean. Just like another post of yours I have seen today, you totally lack empathy for many categories of people. I used to be somewhat similar, so I can tell you that my experience has shown me that this is not a happy way to live. I feel sorry for you.

OP, you need to work on your self-respect until you don't give a flying fuck about what anyone thinks.
You should not need anyone's approval.

Pitying someone is a pretty convincing way to elevate yourself above another to pamper your Saintly-esteem, sure.

 

[slimvictor]

^ Could be in some cases, but that isn't what I am doing. I honestly feel bad for you.
It might be hard for you to understand, or believe, but I have been in a similar situation, with similar attitudes and beliefs, dismissing many categories of people and refusing to feel empathy for them, and it was a much more lonely and sad way to live than once I broke free.

 

[Ronnie84]

Well enjoy getting shat on in your'e time of need then Edvard, Karmas a bitch mate.

 

[lars90]

I really can't say anything beyond a purely individualistic stance that I constantly take. It's hard for me to grasp your worry because I lack such respect for those in whom need acceptance within one group or another. I have no advice but to fall of the planet as your kind of thinking is disgusting and a constant degradation of our species. Anything I can recommend seriously, will not be taken seriously in your eyes, so I only wish you the best and prosperity beyond what you're asking.

Well if you dont tell us then we will never know will we? But no matter what it is I bet it would be a grat contibution. Go ahed and just post you thought bro

+

^ Small-hearted comments. Mean. Just like another post of yours I have seen today, you totally lack empathy for many categories of people. I used to be somewhat similar, so I can tell you that my experience has shown me that this is not a happy way to live. I feel sorry for you.

OP, you need to work on your self-respect until you don't give a flying fuck about what anyone thinks.
You should not need anyone's approval.

Exsacly thats it but I still need it. I wanna be able to say fuck it fuck those people who gives a flying fuck but fuck fuck fuck I cant yet. I hope Im going there soon

And Ive been there to so many times :/

Question of topic by the side. Theres this girl that I am doing stuff with just to be able to make out with her ( I know this is not okay not nice and against any normal thinking and matter but I really just have to do this once). Shes very pretty but shes scared that I am just like the others which I am. I do like her and I dont want to do it but I dont want to be going out with her ether. What would one of you guys do?

Pitying someone is a pretty convincing way to elevate yourself above another to pamper your Saintly-esteem, sure.

he wasent trying to be mean to you... Dont feel offended. Like he said you should not give a flying fuck aboutwhat people say about you...


Also it is freaing hard not to be mean to the people that are mean to you just to forget it and start being nice. Thats what has been tough tpo me by my parents. But I havent ever really been able to contol that so good.

 

[Belisarius]

OP:
In a few short years, you'll wish you still had problems that minor.

Seriously though, grade school is a joke, along with the people in it. Stay cool until you graduate, when you'll finally interact with real human beings.

 

[lars90]

Brother I am really feeling sorry for you though I don't know how are you now because I am replying after a long period but I stopped here and cant move without saying anything . I was suffering from this same problem 5/6 years ago so I am feeling it with a proper way . I solved this problem thinking that I Have no need of friends and then I made me busy with work like teaching and exercising and prepared me as an attractive person from all fields . then my problem was solved .

Hmm so working out you make your self more confident?
Gosh I just dont have enough self comfindece to move on and I think I have a slight problem with social anxiety :/...

OP:
In a few short years, you'll wish you still had problems that minor.

Seriously though, grade school is a joke, along with the people in it. Stay cool until you graduate, when you'll finally interact with real human beings.

Well you sure sound experinced

 

[pofacedhoe]

as time moves on you will find life full of new people and new opportunities so stop worrying and just give in to the world and see how it goes.

none of this matters compared to your family dying (hypothetical) so why make it a big thing...

 

[RobotRipping]

but how do you always find my threads? is it coindence or do you search ? ^^

i don't search, just see them lol

I know people say, 'well don't worry about what other people think' and 'just be who you are' (which is good advice) but this seems to minimize the importance of being socially adept. If you are accepted by the right people you can have greater access to higher paying jobs, girls, drugs and even though superficial you can have many friends which will keep you from getting lonely and/or feeling like a loser.

This is mostly the result of the values that are ingrained by the media and probably part human nature. To be one of the cool kids and to grow up that way will allow you to be well adjusted as an adult. If you grew up out of place and were constantly by yourself then it will show later. Socialization is a key factor in being accepted as an adult. People think that once you're out of high school it's all over, it doesn't matter anymore, but life is full of the same elitist cool kid bullshit. Don't fool yourself, people do not grow out of that mindset, it is a part of human nature to separate the best from the worst and this also happens socially.

This isn't too discourage you or anything, you sound like you're on the right path anyway. I wish someone would have told me that adults are just older teenagers rather than having to have figured that out as I grew up.

 

[masumune]

Dude the whole social chain goes away out of high school. It is like a grade school phenomenon. Non of that shit matters as an adult.
Don't ever live your life to impress others or to gain acceptance from anyone but yourself. Be your fucking self always even if the majority of people hate who you are the people who do accept you will be the best most caring friends you ever had. A few good friends is way better than 100 "cool" kids who except you.
People admire bravery and the ability to be your self when people give you shit for it. No one looks up to people just because they are accepted and if they do they are retarded. People will want to be with you and gravitate towards you if you are natural and honest. Don't ever think twice about how you should react to something. Don't be scared to make an idiot out of yourself.
Every one makes an idiot of them selves some time or another, don't take your self so seriously man. You are just a goof like the rest of us and don't try to hide it, it is unnatural
Trust me as soon as you can get over the obsession with popularity your life will become a whole lot better. You'll meet genuinely good people instead of fake people have no personality.
You sound like a nice person. That means a lot. You deserve good things and if you are brave and honest and your self your life will be enjoyable.
Good luck my friend.

 

[lars90]

i don't search, just see them lol

I know people say, 'well don't worry about what other people think' and 'just be who you are' (which is good advice) but this seems to minimize the importance of being socially adept. If you are accepted by the right people you can have greater access to higher paying jobs, girls, drugs and even though superficial you can have many friends which will keep you from getting lonely and/or feeling like a loser.

This is mostly the result of the values that are ingrained by the media and probably part human nature. To be one of the cool kids and to grow up that way will allow you to be well adjusted as an adult. If you grew up out of place and were constantly by yourself then it will show later. Socialization is a key factor in being accepted as an adult. People think that once you're out of high school it's all over, it doesn't matter anymore, but life is full of the same elitist cool kid bullshit. Don't fool yourself, people do not grow out of that mindset, it is a part of human nature to separate the best from the worst and this also happens socially.

This isn't too discourage you or anything, you sound like you're on the right path anyway. I wish someone would have told me that adults are just older teenagers rather than having to have figured that out as I grew up.

Yeah I agree thanks for that advie it really helped. Tennagers understand just as much as adults or alomost as much becasue that part of their brain is almost already fully developed but the difrence is the emotinal brain still has to adapt and other little parts as well.

Dude the whole social chain goes away out of high school. It is like a grade school phenomenon. Non of that shit matters as an adult.
Don't ever live your life to impress others or to gain acceptance from anyone but yourself. Be your fucking self always even if the majority of people hate who you are the people who do accept you will be the best most caring friends you ever had. A few good friends is way better than 100 "cool" kids who except you.
People admire bravery and the ability to be your self when people give you shit for it. No one looks up to people just because they are accepted and if they do they are retarded. People will want to be with you and gravitate towards you if you are natural and honest. Don't ever think twice about how you should react to something. Don't be scared to make an idiot out of yourself.
Every one makes an idiot of them selves some time or another, don't take your self so seriously man. You are just a goof like the rest of us and don't try to hide it, it is unnatural
Trust me as soon as you can get over the obsession with popularity your life will become a whole lot better. You'll meet genuinely good people instead of fake people have no personality.
You sound like a nice person. That means a lot. You deserve good things and if you are brave and honest and your self your life will be enjoyable.
Good luck my friend.

Wow what a great post but sadly its not always that easy I mean dont we all deep in side look for a tiny bit of exseption from others? I mean it truly is important to fit in and if we dont we miss a whole bit of are lives. I dont want to go back to where I use to be. It sucks being an outsider. It sucks being alone and if we dont give a fuck about what epople think abotu us and were at that level but still dont give a flying fuck then were missing out...