Final Flight

[kazza_baby]

putting up a front
not letting on
that nothing is ok
and she's not that strong

faces, facts
beginning to drown
begging, pleading
but being held down

anxious, fragile
mind slips away
fighting though frightened
reality starts to sway

being consumed by nothing
intoxication is fast
slipping, falling
wanting to last

twitching, shaking
movements awkward and strained
but inside
is where she's most pained

tired of life
wanting to sleep
eyes wettened
beginning to weep

relaxed, calm
giving up the fight
polishing her wing tips
taking her final flight.

 

[candyslut]

^

I really like this kazza. The only helpful thing that i can say is that the external rhyme of the piece perhaps give the poem a faster rhythm than what may be appropriate.

Like, obviously this is an extremely sombre piece and utilising puncuation, or even just less rhyme, might slow it down for better effect.

Still, I really liked it, particularly:

"being consumed by nothing, intoxication is fast"

Very apt!

 

[kazza_baby]

I agree, it doesn't seem to flow well. Perhaps full stops after every stanza would slow it down. Anyway, I'm working on it!

Thanks for your comments sweety