To Read the Previous Logs of Kandy K's Homeless in Tokyo Series:
Day 1 - 5-MeO-DPT
Day 2 - TMA-2
Day 3 - 2-CC & Methylone
Day 4 - Methylone, 14B, 5-MeO-DMT
Day 5-6 - TMA-2, 2-CC, 14B, 5-MeO-DMT, Mescaline, Alcohol
I awoke expecting to have only slept 1-2 hours at most, only to look at the clock and discover it was already 7 P.M.!!!
I stared at the clock for a minute, blinking twice to make sure I wasn't reading it wrong. 'There's no way!' I thought to myself. I double checked my phone and sure enough, not only was the time accurate, but I had TWELVE missed calls from my dad. He was reminding me that my flight back to America was tomorrow afternoon and I'd better not miss the plane.
I must have passed out and crashed from the 14B, and the fact that I had gotten by with only a few hours of sleep that entire week didn't help any. My sleep must have been deep, because I woke up exactly how I fell asleep last night; the same dirty clothes, in the same exact half-sitting, half-reclining position against the wall on the corner of the bed. I glanced around the room to gather my things together. My thoughts were so jumbled I didn't even realize I was all alone until I recognized an eerie silence in the room. I called Bobby, still drained in a half-asleep daze, regardless of the 16 hour recharge.
"You just woke up?!?!?" he shrieked in disbelief. "Jesus… I'm at work now. I'll be there in an hour."
I sat on the bed and stared at the wall to wait for him, afraid I might fall asleep again if I laid down. I was more sobered up, but still experiencing enhanced vision from the chemical cocktail the previous night. I tried to recall everything that happened, and remember the voice messages I had sent, and felt a growing embarrassment. This mild humiliation changed into side-splitting laughter when I thought about the incident with the transsexual. I blurted out loud, "What the fuck WAS that!!!" I couldn't accept the fact I had actually outdone myself this time.
I got a little fidgety thinking about other things, like how I was going to get home. It wasn't the hallucinations that were plaguing my mind, but whether I lacked the sufficient funds for train and bus fare. The more I sat there thinking of a scheme, breathing deeply and fumbling my unsteady fingers, the more agitated I became. I felt a climbing stress building weight on my shoulders, and reached compulsively for the 5-MeO-DMT. My 15 minutes of solace.
I stopped myself to clear my head before doing anything I would regret. This would probably be my last trip in Tokyo, so I had to make it worthwhile. I practiced soothing meditation first, trying to coax the body into a spiritual mindset. I needed to be mentally prepared for a memorable revelation this time; the last thing I wanted was for my experience to be clouded and lacking in depth because of my negative thoughts. Only when I was 100% in the right mindset would I consider proceeding with the Gomeo.
I knew I'd only be disappointed if my trip fell short, so I packed 15-20mg in the bowl. I experienced a pretty severe case of the shakes, but ignored it. Was it all the drugs I had done that week? Or was it actually possible to get withdrawal symptoms from 14B used 2 nights in a row?
Facing the pipe, I coached myself one final time and then took...The Monster Hit.
(Puff puff pass pass)
Sitting down felt similar to the uncomfortable feeling of falling endlessly through the air, a feeling I recognized whenever I got sleep paralysis after a good week of sleep deprivation. I adjusted my body, back flat on the bed. And like the snapshot of a camera, a beam of light flashed for a brief moment, and I reversed back in time. It was the instance I overdosed on 2 grams of IV meth, intentionally. I knew it immediately, from the first millisecond I found myself in the exact same position, witnessing the same rig stabbing my flesh, time and time again through a swirl of watery visions. The fluid of audio hallucinations came rippling in break patterns, and I recognized my favorite music of an aural past.
"Now the world is too much with me
I lose my mind completely
When nothing's sacred anymore
When the demon's breaking down your door
You'll still be staring down at the floor
Not too many hours from this hour
A storm comes… Or is it just another shower?" -The Chameleons
Everything about it was all too familiar... The same blurred sedation swept over me, and I struggled for breath whenever I felt the darkness closing in on me once again. The body's basic instinct was to persevere, and the heart fought back with a furious beating against the chest. You should have seen it, you would have been proud; the battle was breathtaking, when I gently coaxed the body into letting go and losing the fight.
"Intravenously polite, it was the walkie talkie that had knocked the pins down
As her shoes gripped the dirt floor in a silhouette of dying." -At the Drive-In
There was no fear of death, only euphoria. I was at the brink, and would be granted the purity of deliverance soon. My only dying wish was for somebody to be with me, to feel my last heartbeat and teach me the meaning of my life.
"I was moving through the silence without motion, waiting for you
In a room with a window in the corner I found truth
In the shadowplay, acting out your own death knowing no more
As the assassins grouped in four lines, dancing on the floor." -Joy Division
… And then I broke.
All these emotions rushed back to me at once, and a single tear rolled down the side of my face. I wept because I knew I was seeking an answer that would never come. I could not walk into the light. Was I was afraid to die alone?
"Like a doll carried by the flow of time
I sacrificed the present moment for the future
I was in chains of memories half-blinded
Losing my heart, walking in the sea of dreams." -X Japan
I was lost, mesmerized in my own tranquility. Now all I could do was stare at the broken clock and wish to turn back time, cause deep down I never wanted to breathe my last. This world works in mysterious ways, even when you've lost all hope, you never want to take your last, when you've been left with nothing, you never want to feel your last. It is the enigma of life. Just when I thought I had nothing, I envisaged a river of tears flowing into the foreign skies, and cast the infinite rain into the reveries of black.
"My soul is painted like the wings of butterflies
Fairy tales of yesterday will grow but never die." -Queen
Opening my eyes and catching that first ray of light, I knew it was time for a new beginning. The only way was to move forward. Re-living this magnificent torment and crying on the 5-MeO-DMT was a strangely beautiful phenomenon. It was the combination of two extremes in one: Darkness and light, pain and pleasure, life and death, love and hate. A ying and yang.
"And I find it kind of funny
I find it kind of sad
The dreams in which I'm dying
Are the best I've ever had." -Tears for Fears
All I could do was sit in wonder and contemplate the phenomenon of such a brutal love. Once I found the words to unleash my soul back into this dimension, I was ignited with a new passion to shine the diamond I had kept concealed for so long.
I wrote this short piece afterwards. It is probably the most accurate description of a 5-MeO-DMT trip taking place in this era, in an electronic city like Tokyo:
"GoMeO"
In a neon dream-daze of a digital rainforest, an epic born tryptonic
It's strangely erotic
A mouthful of electronic distorts a faux-matrix, an internal combustion
A tryptamine malfunction
With neurotic demention on international face, time locks in place
There is a psychonaut in space
Resetting instruction to travel freebase, as a device in her head
Self-destructs in ten
("We can easily forgive a child who is afraid of the dark; the real tragedy of life is when men are afraid of the light." -Plato)
When Bobby came back home, I asked if he could spare me any cash; I had overspent my budget and was left with a mere 20yen. He gave me all his remaining change, as he was out of bills. It was still not enough to get back home, but I handed him the rest of the 5-MeO-DMT anyway, and thanked him. "My gift."
I went to go see Taka one last time, to say goodbye and thank him for everything. He kindly spotted me the rest of the money as a sweet parting gift. We were both touched with a strike of loneliness, but it was not a sad departure. We both knew I would be back soon.
"I've really grown to admire and respect you. I wish I had the guts to try all sorts of things like you," Taka dreamed. "In a way, I envy you."
"That's because I'm bored," I protested humbly, comically ridiculing myself. "Most people think I'm a real idiot."
"That doesn't mean anything," Taka didn't seem embarrassed to admit, "I get ridiculed for my job a lot too. People come up all the time to me, mocking my age, saying I have no brains, no life, no significant future."
"Sounds familiar... But you know what, fuck them," I persuaded. "It's not like it means anything coming from somebody like them anyway."
"I don't mind, yeah, though I have been doing this almost a decade. But I get to work with all sorts of funny individuals and reach out to a younger crowd. I get to meet open-minded people with so much potential, like you. I love the attitude here, that anything goes."
"I wish I could find something I love to do like that. I'm just lost now… Starting over with new friends, a new home, new environment, new everything…"
Taka gave his full support to me. He always had the ability to understand and identify with others, "I don't think you realize it yet, but you have a lot of power within you. Not everybody can go through so much crap and still have so much spirit like you do. I honestly believe you will make it big somewhere in life. I know it…I can feel it…"
I thought about those words in disorientation for a long moment. That was the first time anybody had ever shown faith in that part of me. We enjoyed a comfortable silence, pondering our own thoughts in our own worlds.
Coincidentally, who should arrive but a personal figure-the ex-Yakuza that was present the first night I tripped in Tokyo and accidentally became friends with Taka.
"Leaving already? It's going to be a little lonesome without you here," he seemed disappointed when he heard the news of my departure. "You added a little extra warmth and fun to Taka's stand."
I started reminiscing about that hot summer day of July we crossed paths by mere chance. Today's timing was just as perfect-I would be making my exit in the same setting I entered.
"I'll cherish that day forever," I felt a calming inner peace settle within me as I expressed my most private thoughts. "That first night we met right here... It was truly an unforgettable experience."
Our friendship felt closer than ever, and we were more sincere to each other than we ever have been that night.
I examined the contrast of the city illuminations against the midnight sky and drowned myself in its beauty, the same way I was that night…The night that changed everything. And that was it. I had become fully immersed in Roppongi culture. This was the moment, the real turning point, when I knew this was my place. This place had everything I ever dreamed of in a city. I couldn't help but smile and think to myself: "It feels good to be home."
I was not lost. Destiny was guiding me on my voyage.
I left early that night before the trains stopped running at midnight, but it didn't matter, because I ended up missing the last bus back home anyway. I was still exhausted from the insanity of one week; so on the 7th day, I rested. I passed out on the bench for another 13 hours.
When I awoke, I had to call a family member and beg them to meet me at the airport with my luggage because I was running so late. I ended up getting to my seat 10 minutes before the plane departed. My luck was still going on strong. I was impressed with the turnout of events-as anticipated, it was the trip of a lifetime.
Fate can do some truly remarkable things. And to think, all this started because of a simple 2-CE trip gone wrong. I could have never imagined how a simple misfortune like that would lead to a greater good. It may not be my drug, but for me it was an eye-opener in more ways than one; not just in the trip itself, but the events that manifested from it. The lessons learnt will always be treasured.
2-CE. It's exactly how it sounds. "To see."
For life is a journey, not a destination. (Now that's true happiness)
Update: Well, I just arrived back in the states a few days ago, and I'm still experiencing mild visual changes from that crazy week. Needless to say, it's a good souvenir. I'm really glad I spent all my money in Japan, otherwise it would have all been wasted on meth back home anyways. Really feels good to finally be able to relax again.
I got my first email from Taka: "Everybody has been asking me where you are, it gets lonely here without you around. We miss talking to you, you had a lot of funny things to say… Come back soon!"
So, I'm getting ready to live there, probably within a month or two. If anybody is a real RC fanatic, I strongly suggest a vacation to Japan. Doing hallucinogens in Tokyo is a total trip; everything is so futuristic and technologically advanced, it's a totally different world than tripping in an open, natural area. The electric lights are so gorgeous to look at!
Just remember to be careful and watch your manners and behavior, as it is quite overwhelming taking psychedelics alone in a different country, especially if you cannot speak the language. I'm banned at this site but still available for any questions and comments; my contact is AIM (DXM Is Love), e-mail ([email protected]), or Myspace (www.myspace.com/mistressk).
Closing Statement:
"SHIT I AIN'T DEAD YET, NIGGA!" -Crystal Callus
Day 1 - 5-MeO-DPT
Day 2 - TMA-2
Day 3 - 2-CC & Methylone
Day 4 - Methylone, 14B, 5-MeO-DMT
Day 5-6 - TMA-2, 2-CC, 14B, 5-MeO-DMT, Mescaline, Alcohol
I awoke expecting to have only slept 1-2 hours at most, only to look at the clock and discover it was already 7 P.M.!!!
I stared at the clock for a minute, blinking twice to make sure I wasn't reading it wrong. 'There's no way!' I thought to myself. I double checked my phone and sure enough, not only was the time accurate, but I had TWELVE missed calls from my dad. He was reminding me that my flight back to America was tomorrow afternoon and I'd better not miss the plane.
I must have passed out and crashed from the 14B, and the fact that I had gotten by with only a few hours of sleep that entire week didn't help any. My sleep must have been deep, because I woke up exactly how I fell asleep last night; the same dirty clothes, in the same exact half-sitting, half-reclining position against the wall on the corner of the bed. I glanced around the room to gather my things together. My thoughts were so jumbled I didn't even realize I was all alone until I recognized an eerie silence in the room. I called Bobby, still drained in a half-asleep daze, regardless of the 16 hour recharge.
"You just woke up?!?!?" he shrieked in disbelief. "Jesus… I'm at work now. I'll be there in an hour."
I sat on the bed and stared at the wall to wait for him, afraid I might fall asleep again if I laid down. I was more sobered up, but still experiencing enhanced vision from the chemical cocktail the previous night. I tried to recall everything that happened, and remember the voice messages I had sent, and felt a growing embarrassment. This mild humiliation changed into side-splitting laughter when I thought about the incident with the transsexual. I blurted out loud, "What the fuck WAS that!!!" I couldn't accept the fact I had actually outdone myself this time.
I got a little fidgety thinking about other things, like how I was going to get home. It wasn't the hallucinations that were plaguing my mind, but whether I lacked the sufficient funds for train and bus fare. The more I sat there thinking of a scheme, breathing deeply and fumbling my unsteady fingers, the more agitated I became. I felt a climbing stress building weight on my shoulders, and reached compulsively for the 5-MeO-DMT. My 15 minutes of solace.
I stopped myself to clear my head before doing anything I would regret. This would probably be my last trip in Tokyo, so I had to make it worthwhile. I practiced soothing meditation first, trying to coax the body into a spiritual mindset. I needed to be mentally prepared for a memorable revelation this time; the last thing I wanted was for my experience to be clouded and lacking in depth because of my negative thoughts. Only when I was 100% in the right mindset would I consider proceeding with the Gomeo.
I knew I'd only be disappointed if my trip fell short, so I packed 15-20mg in the bowl. I experienced a pretty severe case of the shakes, but ignored it. Was it all the drugs I had done that week? Or was it actually possible to get withdrawal symptoms from 14B used 2 nights in a row?
Facing the pipe, I coached myself one final time and then took...The Monster Hit.
(Puff puff pass pass)
Sitting down felt similar to the uncomfortable feeling of falling endlessly through the air, a feeling I recognized whenever I got sleep paralysis after a good week of sleep deprivation. I adjusted my body, back flat on the bed. And like the snapshot of a camera, a beam of light flashed for a brief moment, and I reversed back in time. It was the instance I overdosed on 2 grams of IV meth, intentionally. I knew it immediately, from the first millisecond I found myself in the exact same position, witnessing the same rig stabbing my flesh, time and time again through a swirl of watery visions. The fluid of audio hallucinations came rippling in break patterns, and I recognized my favorite music of an aural past.
"Now the world is too much with me
I lose my mind completely
When nothing's sacred anymore
When the demon's breaking down your door
You'll still be staring down at the floor
Not too many hours from this hour
A storm comes… Or is it just another shower?" -The Chameleons
Everything about it was all too familiar... The same blurred sedation swept over me, and I struggled for breath whenever I felt the darkness closing in on me once again. The body's basic instinct was to persevere, and the heart fought back with a furious beating against the chest. You should have seen it, you would have been proud; the battle was breathtaking, when I gently coaxed the body into letting go and losing the fight.
"Intravenously polite, it was the walkie talkie that had knocked the pins down
As her shoes gripped the dirt floor in a silhouette of dying." -At the Drive-In
There was no fear of death, only euphoria. I was at the brink, and would be granted the purity of deliverance soon. My only dying wish was for somebody to be with me, to feel my last heartbeat and teach me the meaning of my life.
"I was moving through the silence without motion, waiting for you
In a room with a window in the corner I found truth
In the shadowplay, acting out your own death knowing no more
As the assassins grouped in four lines, dancing on the floor." -Joy Division
… And then I broke.
All these emotions rushed back to me at once, and a single tear rolled down the side of my face. I wept because I knew I was seeking an answer that would never come. I could not walk into the light. Was I was afraid to die alone?
"Like a doll carried by the flow of time
I sacrificed the present moment for the future
I was in chains of memories half-blinded
Losing my heart, walking in the sea of dreams." -X Japan
I was lost, mesmerized in my own tranquility. Now all I could do was stare at the broken clock and wish to turn back time, cause deep down I never wanted to breathe my last. This world works in mysterious ways, even when you've lost all hope, you never want to take your last, when you've been left with nothing, you never want to feel your last. It is the enigma of life. Just when I thought I had nothing, I envisaged a river of tears flowing into the foreign skies, and cast the infinite rain into the reveries of black.
"My soul is painted like the wings of butterflies
Fairy tales of yesterday will grow but never die." -Queen
Opening my eyes and catching that first ray of light, I knew it was time for a new beginning. The only way was to move forward. Re-living this magnificent torment and crying on the 5-MeO-DMT was a strangely beautiful phenomenon. It was the combination of two extremes in one: Darkness and light, pain and pleasure, life and death, love and hate. A ying and yang.
"And I find it kind of funny
I find it kind of sad
The dreams in which I'm dying
Are the best I've ever had." -Tears for Fears
All I could do was sit in wonder and contemplate the phenomenon of such a brutal love. Once I found the words to unleash my soul back into this dimension, I was ignited with a new passion to shine the diamond I had kept concealed for so long.
I wrote this short piece afterwards. It is probably the most accurate description of a 5-MeO-DMT trip taking place in this era, in an electronic city like Tokyo:
"GoMeO"
In a neon dream-daze of a digital rainforest, an epic born tryptonic
It's strangely erotic
A mouthful of electronic distorts a faux-matrix, an internal combustion
A tryptamine malfunction
With neurotic demention on international face, time locks in place
There is a psychonaut in space
Resetting instruction to travel freebase, as a device in her head
Self-destructs in ten
("We can easily forgive a child who is afraid of the dark; the real tragedy of life is when men are afraid of the light." -Plato)
When Bobby came back home, I asked if he could spare me any cash; I had overspent my budget and was left with a mere 20yen. He gave me all his remaining change, as he was out of bills. It was still not enough to get back home, but I handed him the rest of the 5-MeO-DMT anyway, and thanked him. "My gift."
I went to go see Taka one last time, to say goodbye and thank him for everything. He kindly spotted me the rest of the money as a sweet parting gift. We were both touched with a strike of loneliness, but it was not a sad departure. We both knew I would be back soon.
"I've really grown to admire and respect you. I wish I had the guts to try all sorts of things like you," Taka dreamed. "In a way, I envy you."
"That's because I'm bored," I protested humbly, comically ridiculing myself. "Most people think I'm a real idiot."
"That doesn't mean anything," Taka didn't seem embarrassed to admit, "I get ridiculed for my job a lot too. People come up all the time to me, mocking my age, saying I have no brains, no life, no significant future."
"Sounds familiar... But you know what, fuck them," I persuaded. "It's not like it means anything coming from somebody like them anyway."
"I don't mind, yeah, though I have been doing this almost a decade. But I get to work with all sorts of funny individuals and reach out to a younger crowd. I get to meet open-minded people with so much potential, like you. I love the attitude here, that anything goes."
"I wish I could find something I love to do like that. I'm just lost now… Starting over with new friends, a new home, new environment, new everything…"
Taka gave his full support to me. He always had the ability to understand and identify with others, "I don't think you realize it yet, but you have a lot of power within you. Not everybody can go through so much crap and still have so much spirit like you do. I honestly believe you will make it big somewhere in life. I know it…I can feel it…"
I thought about those words in disorientation for a long moment. That was the first time anybody had ever shown faith in that part of me. We enjoyed a comfortable silence, pondering our own thoughts in our own worlds.
Coincidentally, who should arrive but a personal figure-the ex-Yakuza that was present the first night I tripped in Tokyo and accidentally became friends with Taka.
"Leaving already? It's going to be a little lonesome without you here," he seemed disappointed when he heard the news of my departure. "You added a little extra warmth and fun to Taka's stand."
I started reminiscing about that hot summer day of July we crossed paths by mere chance. Today's timing was just as perfect-I would be making my exit in the same setting I entered.
"I'll cherish that day forever," I felt a calming inner peace settle within me as I expressed my most private thoughts. "That first night we met right here... It was truly an unforgettable experience."
Our friendship felt closer than ever, and we were more sincere to each other than we ever have been that night.
I examined the contrast of the city illuminations against the midnight sky and drowned myself in its beauty, the same way I was that night…The night that changed everything. And that was it. I had become fully immersed in Roppongi culture. This was the moment, the real turning point, when I knew this was my place. This place had everything I ever dreamed of in a city. I couldn't help but smile and think to myself: "It feels good to be home."
I was not lost. Destiny was guiding me on my voyage.
I left early that night before the trains stopped running at midnight, but it didn't matter, because I ended up missing the last bus back home anyway. I was still exhausted from the insanity of one week; so on the 7th day, I rested. I passed out on the bench for another 13 hours.
When I awoke, I had to call a family member and beg them to meet me at the airport with my luggage because I was running so late. I ended up getting to my seat 10 minutes before the plane departed. My luck was still going on strong. I was impressed with the turnout of events-as anticipated, it was the trip of a lifetime.
Fate can do some truly remarkable things. And to think, all this started because of a simple 2-CE trip gone wrong. I could have never imagined how a simple misfortune like that would lead to a greater good. It may not be my drug, but for me it was an eye-opener in more ways than one; not just in the trip itself, but the events that manifested from it. The lessons learnt will always be treasured.
2-CE. It's exactly how it sounds. "To see."
For life is a journey, not a destination. (Now that's true happiness)
Update: Well, I just arrived back in the states a few days ago, and I'm still experiencing mild visual changes from that crazy week. Needless to say, it's a good souvenir. I'm really glad I spent all my money in Japan, otherwise it would have all been wasted on meth back home anyways. Really feels good to finally be able to relax again.
I got my first email from Taka: "Everybody has been asking me where you are, it gets lonely here without you around. We miss talking to you, you had a lot of funny things to say… Come back soon!"
So, I'm getting ready to live there, probably within a month or two. If anybody is a real RC fanatic, I strongly suggest a vacation to Japan. Doing hallucinogens in Tokyo is a total trip; everything is so futuristic and technologically advanced, it's a totally different world than tripping in an open, natural area. The electric lights are so gorgeous to look at!
Just remember to be careful and watch your manners and behavior, as it is quite overwhelming taking psychedelics alone in a different country, especially if you cannot speak the language. I'm banned at this site but still available for any questions and comments; my contact is AIM (DXM Is Love), e-mail ([email protected]), or Myspace (www.myspace.com/mistressk).
Closing Statement:
"SHIT I AIN'T DEAD YET, NIGGA!" -Crystal Callus
