Filled my monthly rx, want to use so badly!!!!

[2dark2see]

Long story short, I've been on suboxone for about 3 weeks in my attempt to quit oxy and norcos. I have a monthly rx of 150 norcos 10/325s and I just filled it yesterday. When I filled it I had no plans of taking any, my plans are to trade some of it for more subs and sell the rest to start paying down my credit card debt that I racked up while buying oxys on the street (I found a dealer who was ok with gift cards so even when I didn't have the cash in hand I always had a way of scoring). But I won't be able to meet up with my dealer until tomorrow and the guy who I get subs from until Sunday so I've got this bottle of norcos sitting in my apartment and this is SO much harder than I thought it would be. That may sound stupid, and maybe it is, but I'm new to this and I was thinking that it wouldn't be such a big trigger because I've been doing great on 4mg/day of suboxone and my cravings were pretty much gone. But now that I've got opiates just sitting here I'm starting to think about stopping the subs and just taking some norco later. Thankfully I work later today and won't be home until around 9pm...
I guess I'm just surprised at how strong the urges still are when here I was feeling pretty much zero urges a couple days ago and right now I know that if I didn't have the sub in my system from yesterday that I definitely would have taken some norco by now. I guess one thing this experience tells me is that I'm not ready to taper off the subs, which was what I had planned on doing... I guess I'm not strong enough to do this right now... and I'm hoping I can make it through the day until I go to work later because I know if I make it until then that I won't take any once I get home (I never used at night, for some reason my last dose of oxy or norco was always before 6pm).
Well anyway that's where I'm at with things..... thanks for listening

 

[simco]

This is tough, but totally normal. Quitting opioids is just plain hard, so we have to do the best we can, and it sounds like you're doing great.

A couple thoughts: it sounds like you don't have a script for subs. I recommend trying to change that. Getting into a good program that wil Rx subs and help you with other aspects of recovery can be a godsend.

Second: those norcos are going to be all but impossible to resist. Is there any way you could have someone hold them for you? In a pinch, good pharmacies will often allow you to come by daily for the medication you need, keeping it safe the rest of the time. I know this sounds like overkill, but you gotta do whatever it takes to stay right. Regardless of how you do it tho, I think getting those out of easy reach will help you feel better.

I hope so!

 

[Felonious Monk]

Take more suboxone today if you have some. Many people are on more than 4mg to be able to completely control cravings, especially in early recovery. Going over on suboxone is going to help the craving without feeling like you've ruined your sobriety.

Plus taking the Norcos is really a waste if the money will go to pay down your debt. The high won't feel as good as what they're worth, especially with the suboxone in the background.

 

[2dark2see]

Thanks for the support, it really does help. I made it thru yesterday without taking any norcos and I stuck to my regular 4mg dose of suboxone. I was able to meet up with my dealer this morning and got rid of half of the norco I had, and I'm happy to say I took that cash and went directly to my bank and put it right towards my credit card debt I racked up from using. I still have some norco in my apartment but I'll be meeting with the guy I trade with for suboxone on Monday and after making it thru yesterday I feel better about making it to Monday.
I've thought about getting a legit rx for the suboxone but unfortunately if I were to do that I wouldn't be able to get my monthly rx for norco, and it's that rx that I'm using to pay down my oxy debt that I got into over the past few months. I do have a psychiatrist/therapist so I'm getting help in that respect..... I could be totally wrong saying this but I feel like I'm at a point in my life (I'm now 40 yrs old) where I've got to make the right choices - no more of doing "just a few more oxy" - and I'm hoping I won't slip up but I also know I have a very addictive personality so I feel like despite how dedicated I feel right now towards sobriety that only time will tell how all of this will work out. But what I do know right now is that these last 3 or so weeks that I've been off oxy I've felt SO much better than I thought I would, and definitely better than when I was using!

 

[kickitnow]

Awesome stuff man, good on you for pushing through. I used to sell my dexies for a similar reason. Do what you gotta do to get cash but the sooner you can disassociate from dealers and the culture the easier it will be. But you've got some cajones that's gonna help you. If I had dope on hand I doubt I'd have made it 15 minutes let alone 2 days.

 

[VastEmpty]

This is tough, but totally normal. Quitting opioids is just plain hard, so we have to do the best we can, and it sounds like you're doing great.

A couple thoughts: it sounds like you don't have a script for subs. I recommend trying to change that. Getting into a good program that wil Rx subs and help you with other aspects of recovery can be a godsend.

Second: those norcos are going to be all but impossible to resist. Is there any way you could have someone hold them for you? In a pinch, good pharmacies will often allow you to come by daily for the medication you need, keeping it safe the rest of the time. I know this sounds like overkill, but you gotta do whatever it takes to stay right. Regardless of how you do it tho, I think getting those out of easy reach will help you feel better.

I hope so!

my advice would be the same as Sim's is. That's awesome that you were able to get rid of half the oxys! - but what's up with the other half? I think it's really important to get rid of them ASAP. It's hard to stay clean, but with your DOC in your possession...it's beyond hard. I know I can't do it, so I apologize if I'm projecting...I'm just worried about the other half being unaccounted for.

You are doing awsome in your recovery and have come a long way. I couldn't agree more with the poster who said that a long-term and legitimate sub program is probably your best option right now. Personally, I think that selling the oxys to pay down your debt is a great idea in theory but maybe a poor idea in practice. Unless you can set up a very quick handoff of all your pills to someone you trust. I just don't know how else it would work.

Regardless of what you decide to do, you'll get no judgement here. Just support. Hang in there!

- VE

 

[2dark2see]

Thanks again for the support. I do still have the other half of my norco rx and the plan for that is to meet up with the guy I get the subs from - we do a trade so I'll be getting 30 more of the 8mg sub strips, although at this point I really don't need them bc I still have 25 strips left. So I'm going to do our trade this month and that will get rid of the rest of my norco and then next month I'll probably just deal only with my dealer and that will get this all taken care of in one quick transaction.
I had to work early this morning and there just wasn't that huge of a temptation to use the norco, mainly bc I knew I had the suboxone in my system from the day before and bc I was rushed this morning getting ready for work. But I took my sub dose this morning and went to work and now I'm good for the day bc I know I've got that suboxone in my system and that taking any norco would be useless. I should be meeting up with my suboxone guy tonight or tomorrow and it will be good to have it out of the house for sure.