fight it

[echo off]

we are all armed; teeth, fists and feet
and we run...
teeth bared, fists clenched, feet stomping
below us the graves of our bretheren make crunching noises we can only take for applause
and on we run

thought is not our friend
it slows our pace
makes us trip
look at our palms
and use our mouths
thought destroys us
thought makes us human once again

water bounces from our shoulders, to run down our chests, and bewteen our toes
they wish it was oil... but they ran out...
scald your enemy with words, and no battlements will be made
and on we run

into eternity
into damnation
into what can only be called the end
the finale
the heaven

instead i sit here
i just sit here spouting random rhyming rhetoric
thinking the most important thing in the world
is a dreamless sleep

 

[preacha]

below us the graves of our bretheren make crunching noises we can only take for applause

only line that did it for me, the rest was pretty standard, but that's a really good line

 

[Jabberwocky]

^^I think that is subjective. Also be careful of whom you critisize if they did not ask for a critique.

I really enjoyed this piece. There is a certain staccato of words that makes the poem sound like marching.

we are all armed; teeth, fists and feet
and we run...
teeth bared, fists clenched, feet stomping
below us the graves of our bretheren make crunching noises we can only take for applause
and on we run

this is my favorite part.

 

[colicolo]

great stuff. extremly provoking.

scald your enemy with words, and no battlements will be made