Fiending to get high, anxiety? Low dopamine?

[barrano247]

Ok, i dont do a shitload of drugs, but i do a decent amount and ive done a lot. Dxm, kpin, xanax, weed, acid, mxe, shrooms, the cool stuff. So after 2 years of occasionally doing these drugs (smoking weed every day go through a quarter every week-2 and atleast .5 kpin every few days for a couple months) im hitting a new level. Where i always feel a little high (this has happened forever, but now i feel high in every way even to my thinking its more open/positive) when im sober, but at the same time i have this fucking glow/energy inside me. It feels good and bad, like high tension i wanna do something, but it feels like its eating at me. Im ironically tired a lot (this was true before drugs) and have little motivation, but theres this powerful glowing energy that is always telling me to do something.

So my question is, what is this itching energy inside me? The main thing it makes me want to do is smoke, when i smoke it relaxes that energy away completely. This feeling doesnt go away until i smoke, where it kinda disperses through my body and makes me more relaxed, but a bit fidgetty. If i pop a k pin it just subdues it, i have to take a couple to get it to go away completely. Im only happy if this feeling is completely gone, when i get stressed it blows up and takes over my whole body and then becomes full blown anxiety

I like getting high but im starting to think i just do it to get rid of this feeling. And i really want to know where this feeling comes from. I use kpin semi regularly and im thinking it could be anxiety, or it could be that im getting light withdrawal effects from modulating my kpin dose all the time. Im getting some cid today i was hoping i could "unlock" this feeling to finally get it to go away, it seems to respond to mindfullness/meditation practices.