Trying to pass the time is getting harder and harder. My life is pretty much the same everyday. Wake up pop my pills, smoke a joint, do the shit i need to get done that day then smoke weed and take benzos and opiates with my seroquel until i pass out. When the one thing you have to look forward to in your day is your first shot of morphine or hydromorphone ya know your life is fucked 8(
My moods have been going up and down alot but the clonazepam, wellbutrin, lamotrigine and seroquel I'm on seem to keep the worst of it at bay usually. Enough meds for ya?![:\](https://bluelight.org/xf/BL_Images/Orig_Emoji/wrygrin.gif "wry grin :\")
. I wish i didn't have bipolar to deal with but i have to accept that I'm going to have to deal with it my whole life. It's a depressing thought that I'm going to have to take mood stabilizers and maybe anti-psychotics my whole life but it's no different then someone with high BP taking their meds. Thankfully i haven't inherited the high blood pressure that runs on both sides of my family. I did get the mental illness and addiction traits so that's quite enough 
Part of me wants to go clean and i have been slacking off on the IVing as of late. The other part of me wants to load up a syringe with hydromorphone and cocaine and do a proper speedball. Part of me wants to say fuckit and do it all the other doesn't want to give into it. Be a good boy and stay on my meds and not get fucked up or go off them and start doing coke again and drinking alot.
My moods have been going up and down alot but the clonazepam, wellbutrin, lamotrigine and seroquel I'm on seem to keep the worst of it at bay usually. Enough meds for ya?
. I wish i didn't have bipolar to deal with but i have to accept that I'm going to have to deal with it my whole life. It's a depressing thought that I'm going to have to take mood stabilizers and maybe anti-psychotics my whole life but it's no different then someone with high BP taking their meds. Thankfully i haven't inherited the high blood pressure that runs on both sides of my family. I did get the mental illness and addiction traits so that's quite enough Part of me wants to go clean and i have been slacking off on the IVing as of late. The other part of me wants to load up a syringe with hydromorphone and cocaine and do a proper speedball. Part of me wants to say fuckit and do it all the other doesn't want to give into it. Be a good boy and stay on my meds and not get fucked up or go off them and start doing coke again and drinking alot.