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fell off feeling hopeless

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OhCrap

Bluelighter
Joined
Apr 6, 2012
Messages
61
well I fell off a few months ago and started using tramadol again. I cant keep doing this. I want so badly to be rid of this God forsaken shit! but I don't feel like I can live or function or tolerate life without it. its ruining my life...we paid our mortgage late this month and I'm sure my nearly $300 a month habit has something to do with it. one reason its so hard for me to quit is I've been plagued with migraines my whole life and when I use tramadol daily my migraines are almost none. when I get off they come back. I've been using 8 pills a day for the past several months.....I know I'm really fucked but I wanna try. I have 40 pills left, is that enough to do any sort of taper? feeling hopeless ....idk what to do to keep myself sober. I was sober for almost 4 months when I relapsed last time and I just dont know if I can do this..... :(:(:
 
Hey Ohcrap<3.. sorry you are back on the tramadol.. man I hated that medication and have no idea why people like it?? to each their own rite.. what have you all tried for your migraines.. you can get back up after this fall.. the old saying you know.. the bottom of a whole is when you stop digging.. Keep your head up.
 
I feel like I've tried everything for them. Daily meds to keep them away, mess to get rid of them once I get one...so many I can't remember them all. I am so scared to detox again....I am getting rls just thinking about it. I just really don't wanna live the life of an addict anymore. After the hell of physical withdraw is over the cravings set in and never let up until you give in :(
 
I haven't ever stayed on am ssri more than a month or two. Going to see a Dr and getting legit rx's is something I can't always afford. Bit they seemed to help the last time I got off tramadol I just didn't give them a real chance. When the dreams of getting high kicked in it was just too much for me
 
Ps thanks for replying and talking to me. Man I'm feeling really down and powerless and afraid and overwhlemed weak stupid worthless etc
 
yeah.. throw all that out the window;).. the same place that drives craving and addiction in our minds controls emotions.. and it uses emotion to drive use.. you should not trust your emotions.. as its addict thinking, just thought patterns we addicts have that dont make sense.. "I hate myself because I use, so Im going to use".. kinda like I hate myself for always hitting myself in the head with a hammer so im going to hit myself in the head with a hammer.. your an amazing person so forgive yourself and begin to heal<3

hypothalamus controls emotional; response as well craving, the craving for food (hunger), to drink, thirst.. and drug cravings.. facilitates your dreams.. and as a major part of the limbic system is the real portion of your brain that is in control.. the illusion that the frontal lobe is the one in control is just a delusion.. a good way to try and get your head around this is think of a time driving home from work on a strech of raod you had driven a hundred thousand times before.. where is your consciouse mind, not worring about where in the hell the car is going, its just daydreaming away, thinking about the boss at work or your partner at home, or whats for dinner.. sometimes we are amazesd that we are home already and have no real memory of the drive home.. the limbic system uses our consciouse minds whenit needs it.. when it needs it or wants us to figure out how to do what it wants it sends an emotion.. so for instance we are driving along and as the limbic system has access to all that we see, it would need to considering its in charge rite, but driving along and suddenly we are hit with a jolt of anxiety and fear... happens before we even know whats going on right.. but what has actually happened there.. the unconscious saw something it need our help with and jostled us out of our daydreaming and made us feel uncomfortable so we would snap to and pay attention.. so when the unconscious needs us to address that damn semi thats about to drift into us it hits us out of our daydream with a little jolt of fear.. or even if we need to take a detour home down a new road where it needs us to pay attention and get the both of us, limbic and frontal lobe back on track it manipulates us with anxiety.. if it want s food we become its bitch through hunger.. pain we have to stop and address the issue.. and when it wants drugs and we are constantly fighting it it gets pissed and cam pull out all the stops and thats the paws you found so compelling it has manipulated you to use..

so dont trust your emotions as the addiction pulls their stings.. a little on the hypothalamus and im sure you will see all the other symtoms of both acute and PAWS are right in the things it controlls... on the good side conscious thought determines how the hypothalamus behaves as well.. you can do this again.
 
I wonder if it would help to remember that all of us are powerless, all the time - and powerful too. We cannot always control what happens to us - we slip sometimes, and sometimes we fall. But unless you choose to stay down, you will find a way to get up again - even if it is crawling on your hands and knees for awhile. The effort can make you stronger for the next stage, if you don't beat yourself up. Take whatever help, whatever hand, is extended to you - seize it and don't feel ashamed. Good luck, and know that Bluelighters are with you.
 
I go to AA to meet real life people with the same problems.
but it's controversial.many don't like being told what to do or "following suggestions".
some can't stand God.
for me,I dont have any friends,AA is great for just hanging out.
I couldn't live with the cravings either,I'm now on suboxone.

wishing you the best of luck.
 
Thanks for all the posts. Its nice to know people are listening. Getting ready to take my daily tram and trying to cut back a few pills. Think ill leave at home so I don't have the urge to take a cpl more halfway through work :/ relying on a substance to get your ass off the couch is depressing....
 
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