• ✍️ WORDS ✍️

    Welcome Guest!

  • Words Moderators: Shambles

Feelings

Squeaks

Squeaks

Bluelighter
Joined
Nov 29, 1999
Messages
2,837
Location
Northeast Pennsylvania
Why Cant I be like normal people.....

Why can't I open myself up to you...
You.. It doesn't have to be a person at this moment in time
I don't even know who "you" are
I would just like to know that there is a "you" out there in the future
A person I can relate to on a more intimate level...
If I had you then I wouldn't have to be "Squeakers" I could be Mike
the passionate, caring Mike few have yet to see....
What good is resenting the past...
The past that has fucked me up in the present....
Regardless of what was done to me...
Why cant at age 26,,, get over it....
LOL I used to joke about my problem...
But more and more I am boxed in by this very problem...
How can I overcome this?
Friends advice wont help...
Me joking about it won't help...
And just when I feel I can forget this thorn in my life...
It happens again......
I guess I am just destined to be one of those guys...
The guys that can bring joy and laughter to everyone else but themselves...
The guy that can "pretend" to have it made but in fact is falling apart at the seems.
Sure I have Friends who keep me sane.. but can those friends help me at a a relationship level???
I am going to end with this....
To my friends... the ones who try to figure me out but never will....
Thank you for caring and trying to help me overcome some dark points in my life.....
But since you haven't been there for me during these poisonous parts of my life you will never understand why I shy away...
I just hope in time I can mend the seams...
The seams to my forever broken heart....
Finally "tear down the wall" so to say
And maybe finally one day be Michael Brian Arndt... A responsible 26 year old... on his way to a respectable career and a prosperous future... instead of "Squeakers" a youthful 20 something on his way to a lifetime of parties... when there is no such thing as "time for bed"

Thank You.. Good Night Please Drive Through!
 
Hey man, I fukin liked it, drunken writings or not...

And you were never "Squeakers" to me mah man...

Mikey maybe. ;)
 
Mike, though I have never had the pleasure of knowing you on a closer level than "Squeaks, who gave me K at Whistle 3";), I feel you on this. Friends can only go so far when looking for something more...but remember to never take these friendships for granted. We all have our hearts broken at one point or another, and we can't always "live behind the wall" or else we risk never opening ourselves up to love again. And everyone has had their partying days...where you stay out all weekend, not getting more than five hours sleep until Sunday night...but we all need to grow up sometime.
And I must say, this was very well put together for being drunk :)
 
Your a dork ;) And I'm always there during these lovely drunken moments... hahahahaha love you baby..
 
No friend is gonna completely understand - that's why we have several people in our lives who each get something different.

I'd try to give you advice on relationships babe, but I suck at those. So instead I'm just going to wish so hard that I could give you a big hug, and then I'm going to head out to the beach and fall asleep on the sand. We learn from every single relationship we are in, for whatever it's worth, and maybe there is that one person out there that I'll be able to spend a lifetime with. But until he shows up there is always a friend nearby for coffee, a sunrise to give hope, and a dream of what might be to keep the days moving. Sleeping alone does suck but I'll be damned if I'll be alone while I'm awake as well. :)
 
i hope this wont be long and drawn out

(but it probably will be)

If you would have met me 7 years ago, you would have met a girl who is nothing like the girl you know today, and nothing like the girl you met at Whistle 3 some billion years ago. You would have met a shy, timid, brainiac who kept to herself and spent more time with her nose in books that dancing around at parties. But you came into my life at a time where i was introduced to the world we knew a few years ago... where every random person could be your best friend for a night, even if you didn't know their name. You remembered people by "P-Kat" or "Soulfly" or "Squeakers". And there was nothing wrong with that... it built a lasting impression of them in your memory, and maybe you only saw them once a year at a certain annual party, or maybe never again... but for some of us, we were fortunate to build something deeper... something more personal.

and i had the pleasure of you, kasper, ed, and todd sleeping on my living room floor after countless nights of memories that not many of those other people ever got to share with me. i had the laughs of serving you Red Headed Sluts until you were ready to fall off the bar booth when you came to drink at my job. i got to break into abandoned buildings with you when no one else would accept the challenge. i got to eat $0.98 cent breakfasts with you on sunday mornings. and when i thought you had ODed on those goddamn pills... i was one of those people who cared enough to spend 2 days calling you, your parents, and your job trying to track you down and make sure you were ok.

so even though my memories always return to that sweet, quiet, friendly guy i knew as "Squeaks" at Motel 6 a long time ago, it doesn't matter what i call you... you are my friend. even though i suck horribly at keeping in touch. even though we live in the same town and only see each other randomly at karaoke bars or restaurants. i have a friendly love for you that will never be topped... and carry the honor of being the first BLer you ever got to meet, or at least one of them. and just like i waited a long time til people could know ME as someone other than "E-girl" or the cute little blond wearing all the glitter, someday someone will know you the way you want to be known, loved, and remembered.

its inevitable... because you're awesome.
 
Awww Thanx guys I love you and miss you soo much it makes me wanna cry :(

Yes the things I write when I am drunk as truthfull and scary they are.. they are a part of me... This is I guess my way of letting the "old undamaged me out"...

Too bad its allways when I am drunk and hardly ever when I am sober.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Top