Feeling so disconnected

[25I_am_so_wonderfu]

I feel absolutely disconnected from everyone. I feel like I cannot relate to a single person. I yearn from friendship and connection, yet dread it at the same time. I'm sick of 'friends' coming and going and I don't want to even bother putting myself out there anymore. But then being alone drives me just as crazy.

Trying to connect online doesn't really help. People online make me feel like I am severely missing out on something IRL. I read the news and feel more depressed. Those with money and power rigging the game to screw over those without political clout. Politicians and CEOs lining their pockets until they finish sinking this ship. Detracting every one that they screw over with petty issues like political alignment, race, sexual orientation, economic status.

I'm about to graduate college. With very few friends. With little exceptional skills needed for the work force. Thanks to 20 years of schools, it seems like the only thing I am skilled at is sitting in a room and listening to someone talk.

And it's times like this where I try and trace the problem and come back to things from my upbringing. It's like all the values or skills I lacked were more emphasized than ones I possessed so that's all I see. What others have that I do not. That's all I can think of when I'm alone. It's like love from my family was CONDITIONAL upon good grades, behavior and I have no genuine sense of worth. But then I realize there's no point in trying to relive the past and I feel just as lost.

I'm about to be out of a job and have some big bills due soon. I need to look for a new job but that's a depressing activity in itself. All I can focus on is what I lack. It just drains me, makes me need an escape or sleep.

 

[RobotRipping]

i'm exactly the same way, especially in regards to how you feel about the world. I don't have any real friends, i guess i've only ever really had one real friend and lost that when i slipped into drug addiction.

I am very skilled at making temporary friends but absolutely cannot maintain friendships. If you don't have that problem of maintaining a friendship then you'll likely find that in the workplace it is much easier to find people to relate to and if you're planning on some post grad education, find a very specialized field where only people like you would go. I've found a weird little niche of people in the program i'm in and i could be good friends with many of the people, if it weren't for the fact that i am still a drug addict, can't maintain friendships and prefer to stay at home and get high rather than hanging out with friends and getting drunk.

I had many friends my first year of university, then the numbers started dwindling as i went on, until nothing. I still know these people enough that i could talk to them if i saw them but that's about it. I'm introverted and strange i guess, i don't know, you're definitely not alone though. I also hate that most friendships are based on proximity and that's it, like workplace friends, switch workplaces, you switch friends. I don't know if everyone is like that but that's how life goes for me.