Your experience sounds a lot like mine. I'm really into preserving the few good rolls a person gets before you start losing the effect, so I've only rolled 3 times. Once 2 years ago, once a month ago, and once last weekend. I had the first experience around a campfire after prom, and that was amazing. Last month was with 8 other rollers at a good friend's house. We're all friends but for the most part we've really only known each other since the beginning of the semester. We've gotten really close though, and we were unusually touchy and comfortable with each other. I got particularly involved with one girl I was doing whippets with, and while I was touching her and we were talking she kind of got really etched in my mind. And since then I've been noticing her more and more on sort of a borderline friend/more kind of way. So que last weekend when I drop a pill an hour before a concert. I'm standing right near the front with four people I know, including her. Only one other (rather docile) guy is rolling. I didn't expect this.
So I basically spend a half hour dragging people to the concession stand and telling them assorted versions of "you're awesome, glad I met you, we should hang out more" in amped but happy tones. Then as the lights dimmed for the concert to start, I started thinking about what I'd just done, how I must have looked, and particularly what I'd said to this girl. The first time we had rolled, she'd said "we should be best friends after this." So I quoted that, and said "I know everybody says things they don't mean on Ex, but we really should hang out more." Basically though, it was just the way this contrasted with my normally calm, controlled, reserved exterior. I felt like I'd just love attacked this poor girl, whose never shown more than a polite interest in me, and I'd done it in the worst X-headed kind of way.
In retrospect I probably wasn't that bad, but at the time it felt that way, and I thought about how bad lone X-heads tend to look, and that I'd just looked like that in front of her. This thought rattled around in my head for a few seconds, amplifying itself until it basically killed my roll, five minutes before the music started. Nothing could bring it back, not even the re-dose. The concert was fun, with beautiful lights, but the rolling was dead gone. I had a lot of negative feelings mixed in with the 'oh, yay a concert feeling' but no euphoria. It was just kind of like my normal self, amplified. And I really wanted to take her aside and just show her that I'd already regained my self control and I had moved beyond the power of the drug, viewing my actions in an accurate way. I new I could act like my normal, capable self. This would have been the only positive I could really see in the situation. But it was a concert, and you don't just stop somebody's concert experience to talk about your roll. So I just watched the rest of the concert, then chilled with some really cool people at their place afterwords.
The aftereffects of the drug have been amazing. And really weird. Every day has been very different. I've learned a lot about how I interact with people by having all my individual emotions amplified over the course of 5 days. I've always had long after-rolls, but this is ridiculous. I found that the only time I could get anything close to the feeling of a roll was when I didn't feel like anyone in the area had a negative opinion of the way I was acting. Or if I didn't care what they thought of me. So if I let go of every impulse to actively look good in front of other people, then I could achieve a sub-roll. That allowed me to perform little scientific experiments on how I felt while dealing with other people. In that way it's taught me more than almost any other drug experience. And instead of the really long come down I had a month ago, every day I have something different. Massive peace, happiness, overwhelming contrast, duality, irritation, nostalgia, neediness, friendliness, indifference. Two or three times a day I'll experience a major mood shift, and I've been relying on a diverse group of friends to keep me from getting too low. I'm starting to get tired of this, and I haven't done any more drugs in quite a while.
Anyway, if I ever do ex again, I'm starting to expect that I'll either have excellent control of when and how hard I roll or that I'll be pretty much incapable of rolling at all. But I'm hopeful that being surrounded by people who accept me absolutely would bring it out again. That's pretty much the best thing I could suggest. Anyway, if you get a chance, you might take a good look at the way you feel when your roll fails. I'm glad I did.
Although if you know you're pretty then it might be that your not trying long enough, or your going after the wrong person! Either way wen ur rolling u should be thinking about how good everything feels, looks, and sounds.. try to enjoy it while u can!
