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feeling rejected...what am i doing wrong?

Shady Kaity

Shady Kaity

Bluelighter
Joined
Jun 3, 2009
Messages
504
Location
dirty jersey
so my boyfriend and I have been together for 11 months now... we use to have sex alllllll the time
but for the last few months we havent like at all... its basically nonexistent...and after the sex slowed down, we've been arguing all the time, which most of the time it probably is my fault because i feel so insecure that hes not attracted to me or im not good enough for him so i get in pissy moods and very depressed constantly...i try to surprise him. i've dressed up and came down stairs and surprised him, nothing. i even came down completely naked once and he always says hes either too tired or just not in the mood. for example..recently we were at his house and he randomly got aroused so i was excited but we cant have sex at his house, so i tried everything to keep him in the mood. he told me when we got home for me to shower and then we'd have sex. so i took a very fast shower and came down dressed up. we layed down in bed together watching tv and i normally dont iniate the actual sex part. i usually just tell him im in the mood and then hell take it from there. but this time i decided to be bold and started giving him a hand job. he just layed there watching tv like nothing was going on...so i asked if we were gonna have sex and he said not now, im not in the mood..so i got very upset and went and changed into sweats and just went to bed...
ive talked to him many times about how i feel hes not attracted to me any more and he swears up and down that he thinks im hot and sexy and is attracted to me...and we've almost broken up a few times and he always begs me to stay with him because hes in love with me...
but i still feel soooo rejected and unattractive...am i doing something wrong? is this the begining of the end? is it just him? whats wrong, i just want to fix this.
and for the last almost two months the only times we've had sex is basically when i have to bug him all the time. and then i feel like hes just doing it so i stop complaining, not that he actually wants to be doing it...
please someone help i feel so lost and depressed =[
 
If your basing your self perception on whether or not someone wants to have sex with you, there is the beginning of your problem, aside from that, feed him some food with fennel, garlic and peppers in it. all are natural sexual stimulants.
 
Gads. I'm going to go down a different path here...one that I really don't want to bring up, but things are weird and it's just my opinion, but this is a red flag to me. You've only had sex twice in 2 months, and you've made some good efforts.

So, before I dive into what I'm thinking, is he taking any drugs? Anything at all?
 
Yep. I think she knows where I'm going, which is why she's freakin out. She sees the flags, and it's gotten to the point where she needs to vent somewhere. I hope you come back OP. We're here if you need to let it out.

It really bothers me when the girl feels like it's her or she's insecure or she feels like it's her fault.
 
You've been in the relationship for about 11 months...........there will be some ups & downs in the road but you shouldnt have to beg the guy for sex, especially if he says your sexy & hot.........to my understanding, there isnt anything wrong with you, something is up with him...............

You guys use to have sex constantly but now that part of the relationship has fizzled away............im assuming both of you are young since you mentioned he cant have sex at his house. Guys at that young age usually have a stronger sexual drive than women..........women usually get their stronger sexual drive later in life.........anyway, you should never end a relationship just because of sexual reasons, then again, that reason alone has a lot of failed relationships.
 
Shady Kaity, I'm just going to give you my personal opinion, and remember, we don't know the whole story and it's easy to make assumptions on one post, but I know that it's just a forum post.

Anyway, my thoughts are that something is going on and he's possibly seeing someone else. Is this why you are freaking out? He is being weird and possibly being shady? I think we usually see the flags. Sometimes we ignore them. Sometimes we pretend they are not there. Sometimes we face them head on, but if drugs are not the issue, then I just see a problem if just one day he stops wanting sex after months of being together, and he doesn't even get aroused or interested when you show up naked next to him.

Something is up, and I hate to make this assumption, but just from your post and what you are saying, he is not being honest with you IMO.
 
ughh that is exactly what i am freaking out about... im trying to ignore the flags...idk what to do or how to confront it seeing as i dont have solid evidence...
 
I understand. You don't really want to believe it's true. I totally get it, and I, too, am a person who needs to see physical evidence. It just makes you a thinker. :)

This kind of situation is always unique to the relationship, because you're going off of flags. Has he changed going out habits? Stayed out late? Anything like that?

The one time I was cheated on, I flat out asked and both my friend and the guy I was seeing lied to me, so I'm a little disenfranchised with the idea of asking and snooping. I guess you can ask, but if the signs are there, don't be surprised if he lies and you have to take it a step further.
 
his habits have changed a bit..hes been sleeping way later, when he usually goes to his house to shower and what not i usually go with him but the last few times hes been saying hell jus be right back and to wait for him. when i ask to look at his phone he gets really irritated and annoyed and starts bitching at me for it...and it makes me think if he has nothing to hide, why does he get irritated? idk...and about a month ago he had been asking to go through all my shit so i finally asked for all his login information and i went on his email and he had old saved naked pictures of multiple different girls, one of them being his best friends mother who he has told me that shes come on to him before but he swears up and down that he never had sex with her, and she basically treats him like a sugar baby, she buys him EVERYTHING and anything he wants so im a little suspicious about that. he told me that he had sex with three other people before me, so i asked him what their names were and he told me two names and then i was like whose the third? and he said uhhh no one i just lied cuz i was embarassed. so either hes lying cuz he is embarassed or he just doesnt wanna tel me who the third one is and i would think because its his friends mom...either way he lied about that...and hes been like super irritable lately, says hes just stressed. and he says all the time that he feels like im the distant one, but i tell him its not like that at all...idk man i just dont know...i never really find anything in his phone, no texts or pictures but that doesnt mean he doesnt delete them before he sees me...but theres always random numbers in his phone that he cant explain to me that HE dialed...but when i try to call them no one ever answers...so i dunno
 
I'm really sorry, Shady. I've driven myself absolutely insane when it happened to me. I'm sure you're really stressed out about it. One thing I learned, if this helps at all, is that it's not worth it. It just isn't. There are too many trustworthy men out there who you can be happy and healthy with.
 
Hey there, first post here. I felt the need to chime in on another possible scenerio. You say he's taking subs so he's obviously had an opiate addiction in the past. Are you positive he's not back on? Back when I was on and off of dope I was really good at hiding it from my girlfriend, she had no idea until I finally told her but before I even told her, every time I went on my binges I had zero sex drive. She could play with my diddly all day and I wouldn't get interested. Which made me feel horrible because she started to think it was her and that I wasn't interested in her which was absolutely not true. She began thinking just like you are and even would go through my phone to see if I was cheating, which would make me mad because I would be trying to hide the dope dealers messages. I mean, he's sleeping later than usual could be a sign. When he goes home to shower without you he could be dosing and the unid number could be the dope man. Idk, just something to possibly think about. I'm not sure if you see him dose his subs or not, but if he's not taking them than my scenerio very well may be true... Hope it all works out!
 
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You're probably not doing anything wrong, sounds like he is though. If it doesn't get better or he doesn't tell you anything, remember, there are lots of other decent, single men out there.
 
this is true...and im just starting my first day of college so if worst comes to worst, hopefully i'll meet a decent guy..trying to stay positive. but im still going to try to work on this relationship, we've been through a lot together and it would really suck to just have to throw it all away..
 
Shady, grats for doing you and going to college. You should be proud of yourself. I know how this crap can interfere with grades. Try not to let him ruin your grades on top of ruining your sanity atm.
 
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