Feeling really suicidal tonight

[lozgod]

3 years ago I would of never guess it would be like this. 2007 and part of 2008 were some of the best years of my life. It's hard to accept it is gone forever. I had a great job and all that comes with it. I was in a dream love/hate relationship for those that like those. My life was perfect.

I feel like the best years are gone by and there's no use going on/ It just seems to get worse not better. What's the point of continuing on when you don't see the light at the end of the tunnel?

Besides coming online here and posting this I got no one to call and say I feel this way or whatever. They'll think I' crazy, not give a fuck, or minimize it and not understand how deep and dark it is.

I've had some great years, there's no denying that. It just seems like they are over. Why go one existing? Im not in WD, this isn't Im dope sick and cant take it, this is just my reflection on my life and I don't see it being better than it was in the past. LIVING THIS SHIT LIGHT TAKE ANOTHER 40-50 years, ending it will take 1 second.

 

[.Lucid.]

i hear you man, i've been there. its a dark and lonely life when youre a heroin addict. i would spend nights in my room thinking i should just overdose and end it, i was totally hopeless. i thought i could never be happy or functional again. it took a lot of time and patience and pain to get back to a place in life where i feel happy again.. it was totally worth it though.

so hang in there, its definitely possible to come back to life and be happy again.

 

[theartofwar]

Why go on ? Because some times you are up, sometimes you are down bro. When you are up - you felt great, you admitted to this. You have to ride the good with the bad. A lot of people care about you, i dont know you and I care about your life. Please reconsider this - there is NOT ONE person who can know in 40 years where you will be, who you will be. Give life a chance and you wil be surprised. Work hard and set some goals. Are you seeing a therapist ? You say you got no1 , well I'l gladly talk to you here, msn, aim, if you need to talk on the phone i can give you my cell. I'm around bro, be safe please!!!

 

[OxyDillyKing]

Dude im feel exactly how you do right now. read my post " my life is shattered " i just posted. we just gotta keep trying something else. even if you have to do massive amounts of dope to feel good, dont kill yourself man. for my sake dont do it, because if you cant make it neither can i. im right where you are. no one except the people on this site understand. i cant go to my family, i can barely talk to the 1 or 2 acquaintences i have. people here can help you man. life is muddy. im so sorry you feel like this. i feel sorry for all of us here on the dark side. just try to find a shred of hope and hold on to it man. thats where i am. i come out of this depression sometimes. maybe someday ill come out of it for good and be "normal". hey at least us IV opiate users get to feel some intense euphoria that most people cant even concieve of. i wish i could do something more for you, for all the people here that feel like me. all i can do is talk to you. there is truly some grat people on BL who show more compassion for complete strangers than most people show to their family and friends. i dont know who God is, or even if he is there, but ill pray for you. but dont do anything to yourself man. if you cant make it, neither can i. if we both push on, we can use eachother to keep up the momentum of moving forward in life.

 

[lozgod]

I said I'm feeling it but I didn't say I am going to do it. I beat opiate addiction before. I got clean. Life didn't seem the same but I didn't have to pay to feel better. i am sure if I gave it time my brain would of fixed itself. I wonder a lot if I hung in there after I CT'ed in 12/08 where I'd be now but I can't go back and undo what' done.

I never thought I'd have track marks and be broke half the time. I was always the guy that found a way to make something from nothing. I got no HS diploma and a criminal record with prison time and made my way to the corporate world making 80-100k a year. I'm a shell of myself. I had girls galore. I was just so wired up all the time and percocets chilled me out. I had no idea the price that came with them. In the 80s there was this commercial of this kid running track then the kid has a hoodie on and the cops are chasing him and it closes with "no one ever says I want to grow up to be a junkie". I feel like the kid in that commercial. I dont want to die. I just want to be happy again.

 

[n3ophy7e]

3 years ago I would of never guess it would be like this. 2007 and part of 2008 were some of the best years of my life. It's hard to accept it is gone forever. I had a great job and all that comes with it. I was in a dream love/hate relationship for those that like those. My life was perfect.

I feel like the best years are gone by and there's no use going on/ It just seems to get worse not better. What's the point of continuing on when you don't see the light at the end of the tunnel?

Besides coming online here and posting this I got no one to call and say I feel this way or whatever. They'll think I' crazy, not give a fuck, or minimize it and not understand how deep and dark it is.

I've had some great years, there's no denying that. It just seems like they are over. Why go one existing? Im not in WD, this isn't Im dope sick and cant take it, this is just my reflection on my life and I don't see it being better than it was in the past. LIVING THIS SHIT LIGHT TAKE ANOTHER 40-50 years, ending it will take 1 second.

Man I'm sorry to hear you're feeling this way. I've felt suicidal numerous times, in particular in the last couple of years, so I know how horrible it feels.

I'm guessing that you're relatively young (correct me if I'm wrong), so chances are that this is definitely NOT the way you're going to feel forever. You had some great times a couple of years ago, sure, and you're in a bit of a low patch now. Chances are in another year or two things will pick up again and you'll have great and happy times just like you did before. Life always goes up and down in cycles exactly like what you're experiencing. The way you feel right now, i.e. very depressed, is clouding your judgement and preventing you from seeing the possibilities for good times ahead. But happiness will definitely come your way again. It always does.

Have you ever tried to talk to a close friend or family member about the way you're feeling? You might be surprised how they react. They might not blow it off like you're expecting them to. And in my experience it always helps to talk about how you're feeling. If you're not comfortable talking to someone you know, perhaps you could have a few counselling sessions or something like that. What do you think?

Either way, I'm glad you've mentioned it on here because there are a LOT of poeple right here in TDS who have felt exactly the way you're feeling now, and have gotten through it just fine. We're all here for you man. Hang in there okay?