Here i am, out of school staying home robotripping. Its my senior year and i dont know if i will pass, these fucking drugs are making me think of my past mistakes. I lost my fucking family. I really dont know what to do, i was feeling really suicidal and i cant do it. I wanted to talk but now i cant.
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Feeling really depressed today.
- Thread starter Kipo
- Start date
fizzle
Bluelight Crew
SO--->tds
Hey Kipo! I am sorry you are feeling so low 
I know you said you can't talk, but I really think it would help you if you can try to talk to someone right now.. Do you have anyone you can speak to? Close friend, friend you've not spoken to in ages, even an aquaintance.. if you are really feeling suicidal I would urge you to ring a crisis phone line or take yourself to your emergency department.. always time to reconsider if you are alive, no time for changed minds if you aren't. If you have any doubt at all it is 100% worth holding off. Death is so final and I promise you there will be other ways out of this.
In the longer term, have you sought help from anyone? Talking to someone at your school could help work out how to manage your senior year, and it sounds like you really need to speak to a counsellor and a doctor..
You are not alone, however much you feel like you are. There are people who have been in the same position as you and have got through it. You've got the rest of your life ahead of you - things won't be shitty forever.
Generally speaking, take care of yourself - try to eat properly, exercise is amazing for endorphins, think of little treats and fun things you like (ideally not involving drugs!) - for me a hot bath and a good book made me feel a bit more human and looked-after, is there any little thing you can do to care for yourself and boost your mood right now? If so, try it, however daft it might seem
And keep talking to BL, so many wise and wonderful people here who can help you!
Good luck
I know you said you can't talk, but I really think it would help you if you can try to talk to someone right now.. Do you have anyone you can speak to? Close friend, friend you've not spoken to in ages, even an aquaintance.. if you are really feeling suicidal I would urge you to ring a crisis phone line or take yourself to your emergency department.. always time to reconsider if you are alive, no time for changed minds if you aren't. If you have any doubt at all it is 100% worth holding off. Death is so final and I promise you there will be other ways out of this.
In the longer term, have you sought help from anyone? Talking to someone at your school could help work out how to manage your senior year, and it sounds like you really need to speak to a counsellor and a doctor..
You are not alone, however much you feel like you are. There are people who have been in the same position as you and have got through it. You've got the rest of your life ahead of you - things won't be shitty forever.
Generally speaking, take care of yourself - try to eat properly, exercise is amazing for endorphins, think of little treats and fun things you like (ideally not involving drugs!) - for me a hot bath and a good book made me feel a bit more human and looked-after, is there any little thing you can do to care for yourself and boost your mood right now? If so, try it, however daft it might seem
And keep talking to BL, so many wise and wonderful people here who can help you!
Good luck
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theartofwar
Bluelighter
Kipo those past mistakes they haunt you brother, but it's up to you to find those who care around you for support - to grab in and move past em. Believe me everyone on this board has their demons. I'll always talk if you're feeling down bro - believe me I've had lows and right now im half the reason my family is going / gone - i feel that man.
alwaysblazed
Ex-Bluelighter
- Joined
- Apr 24, 2011
- Messages
- 232
I'm in the same position you're in sadly. I'm a senior as well and afraid I might not graduate. Everything is going wrong and I'm trying so hard to fix it. Please send me a private message I would love to talk with you.
Just noticed your a greenlighter ): ill send you my email then.
Just noticed your a greenlighter ): ill send you my email then.
Captain.Heroin
Bluelight Crew
You can always PM me, as I am a moderator.
Take your time, and think things out. Try to realize that there's always another day ahead of you, and that forming a plan and sticking to it will always prevail.
Take your time, and think things out. Try to realize that there's always another day ahead of you, and that forming a plan and sticking to it will always prevail.
Wolfmans_BrothEr
Bluelighter
- Joined
- Apr 23, 2011
- Messages
- 903
what your going through is probably a mid-life crisis. (or for you an early-life crisis i guess?) a lot of kids get scared as to what the fuck is their purpose, or what are they doing with their life. It's not uncommon, but the best path you can take is to talk with someone about it. youll probably get a better understanding of exactly whats bothering you if you can put it into words.
Relating with someone is good, it lets you get a lot of the shit off your chest, and to realize that someone else out there understands what your going through. i know i do.
look at yourself as a bottle of soda, and every time you suppress those feelings/emotions your shaking up the bottle. eventually, when you try to take the cap off, the soda spills out everywhere and it turns into a mess (kinda like what your experiencing now) but, if you unscrew the cap, let a little air out and put the cap back on, continue doing this and eventually you can take the top completely off and nothing will happen
everytime you try to suppress your emotions, your just shaking the bottle up more, and eventually, it will explode
Relating with someone is good, it lets you get a lot of the shit off your chest, and to realize that someone else out there understands what your going through. i know i do.
look at yourself as a bottle of soda, and every time you suppress those feelings/emotions your shaking up the bottle. eventually, when you try to take the cap off, the soda spills out everywhere and it turns into a mess (kinda like what your experiencing now) but, if you unscrew the cap, let a little air out and put the cap back on, continue doing this and eventually you can take the top completely off and nothing will happen
everytime you try to suppress your emotions, your just shaking the bottle up more, and eventually, it will explode
VandiLLisM
Bluelighter
- Joined
- Feb 1, 2011
- Messages
- 74
I dropped out my sophomore year and shit is way easier and more fun. Ged is nothing different youre going to end up in the same place (community college, considering it sounds like you dont have the best grades, no offense) anyway so why make it hard on yourself?
Ds
Bluelight Crew
hang n there kipo,
i'm with vandillism, i dropped out to in my sophomore yeah.. got my GED later in the year. I failed the first time because i was fucked up on xanax bars.
I got it finally, I moved out of state to rehab in Louisiana, and the requirement was to get one.
so I got to go adventure Baton Rouge, after 90 days clean. man lemi tell you it was a trip. lol
ended up working at quiznos, had a cool work crew. i made it clean a year. then went back out when i moved back to my home town.
kipo have you thought about going to detox at a hospital? check into rehabs to man. i'm sure there's a state run/free facility somewhere there.
hell ur family will see ur tryn to get better. but do it for ur self man, or else u will lose ur family.
stay positive man, aint nothing in this world worth dieing for.
i'm with vandillism, i dropped out to in my sophomore yeah.. got my GED later in the year. I failed the first time because i was fucked up on xanax bars.
I got it finally, I moved out of state to rehab in Louisiana, and the requirement was to get one.
so I got to go adventure Baton Rouge, after 90 days clean. man lemi tell you it was a trip. lol
ended up working at quiznos, had a cool work crew. i made it clean a year. then went back out when i moved back to my home town.
kipo have you thought about going to detox at a hospital? check into rehabs to man. i'm sure there's a state run/free facility somewhere there.
hell ur family will see ur tryn to get better. but do it for ur self man, or else u will lose ur family.
stay positive man, aint nothing in this world worth dieing for.
Wolfmans_BrothEr
Bluelighter
- Joined
- Apr 23, 2011
- Messages
- 903
Article: "Students who drop out of high school, but take the G.E.D. exam, tend to be smarter than high school dropouts. But their lifetime wages tend to be no higher than they are for those with no H.S. diplomas. Thats because many people who pass the G.E.D. are less organized and less dependable than their less educated peers."
just be on time and organized and ull b fine
just be on time and organized and ull b fine
IamSam12323
Greenlighter
- Joined
- May 6, 2011
- Messages
- 32
Kipo Each day is a new! Don't think about the past but think about the future. If that future is without drugs then so be it. If you see yourself happy and occasionally using then ok. However, no mater what do what makes you happy. Whatever makes your future seem brighter.
I almost dropped out of school in 8th grade.. However, I said this is not what i want to do.. I made life changes to do good at school. Furthermore, during the summer of Senior year i went to pharm tech program and became a pharmacy tech certified. I'm now in a 4 year college hoping to go to law school.
You can do it man! Have faith in yourself!!
Your young and a human. We as Humans specifically as young adults cant just wake up one day and say I'm changing. That is what makes us human!
We are all here for you!
I almost dropped out of school in 8th grade.. However, I said this is not what i want to do.. I made life changes to do good at school. Furthermore, during the summer of Senior year i went to pharm tech program and became a pharmacy tech certified. I'm now in a 4 year college hoping to go to law school.
You can do it man! Have faith in yourself!!
Your young and a human. We as Humans specifically as young adults cant just wake up one day and say I'm changing. That is what makes us human!
We are all here for you!
Kipo, things will get better, they always do...time is the perfect healer.
I understand how you're feeling...sometimes that hardest thing is to push through all thoughts you're no doubt torturing yourself with...and to get to a place where you can have some level of peace. But once you get there, you'll see how much brighter things can be.
I'm a champion at beating myself up over crappy things I have done...especially when substances are involved - and it's tough not to - but trust me, this too shall pass Your mistakes are your own to make; take what you can from what's happened, acknowledge it, accept it and move beyond it.
Never feel like you're alone. There is always someone thinking of you.
I understand how you're feeling...sometimes that hardest thing is to push through all thoughts you're no doubt torturing yourself with...and to get to a place where you can have some level of peace. But once you get there, you'll see how much brighter things can be.
I'm a champion at beating myself up over crappy things I have done...especially when substances are involved - and it's tough not to - but trust me, this too shall pass
Your mistakes are your own to make; take what you can from what's happened, acknowledge it, accept it and move beyond it.Never feel like you're alone. There is always someone thinking of you.
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kaleidoscopeeyes
Bluelighter
you are not alone! school might feel like it's pressing down on you, but as others pointed out, you d have options. and if what it is best for you is to take some time off and get your GED when you're ready, don't let anyone discourage you. it is YOUR LIFE, not theirs, and if that makes you better off in the long run, then you have achieved the purpose of your choice. relax & calm down. let the immediate pressures you're dealing with subside so that you can focus on what is best for you with a clear head.
& the past is done. we can't change it. so it is better for your peace of mind to focus on the future and what choices you can make now to be happy with in the future. if it makes you feel better, try to find some healthy coping methods, such as maybe using a journal, to write down your thoughts on the negative things from the past you are concerned about. once you write them down, they are out of your body, so to speak, and you can leave them behind where they belong.
& the past is done. we can't change it. so it is better for your peace of mind to focus on the future and what choices you can make now to be happy with in the future. if it makes you feel better, try to find some healthy coping methods, such as maybe using a journal, to write down your thoughts on the negative things from the past you are concerned about. once you write them down, they are out of your body, so to speak, and you can leave them behind where they belong.
Legerity
Bluelight Crew
- Joined
- Jul 29, 2010
- Messages
- 2,965
Talking is great therapy whether it is online or offline. Writing in a journal can be a good way of getting emotions out if you do not feel comfortable talking. A blog is also a very effective method of expression.
Whatever you need to do to take care of yourself is your decision. A break from school is not the end of the world. If you feel capable of continuing then great. If you feel that you need time to focus specifically on your drug use and mental health, then great. I dropped out in the middle of college and failed all my classes. Went to rehab, worked for a year, then went back and finished at universty. No problem. Sometimes our path has more twists and turns than expected.
Do what you have to do
Whatever you need to do to take care of yourself is your decision. A break from school is not the end of the world. If you feel capable of continuing then great. If you feel that you need time to focus specifically on your drug use and mental health, then great. I dropped out in the middle of college and failed all my classes. Went to rehab, worked for a year, then went back and finished at universty. No problem. Sometimes our path has more twists and turns than expected.
Do what you have to do
Wolfmans_BrothEr
Bluelighter
- Joined
- Apr 23, 2011
- Messages
- 903
Agreed. For me nothing works better than to talk with someone who can relate. Afterwards I literally feel a weight lifted off my shoulders.
Oh and i used to skip school to robo trip quite often. I can tell you from experience the reason your feeling so bad about yourself is because a part of you knows that you should be in school and that your throwing your future away.
You will feel a much higher sense of self-worth if you try your best in school and just stick it out, even though it sucks. If you go into school every day with the mindset that it's gonna suck, then it's gonna suck. Your mind is already made up before you even get there. Keep an open mind
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