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Feeling of unreality

d3Xo-fan

d3Xo-fan

Bluelighter
Joined
May 6, 2007
Messages
231
Location
In my head
Hi Bluelighters,

I have been on heroin for almost 5 years, and since the beginning (since before actually, and that's why I think the weed started it) I've felt life is unreal. It's like I look through an invisible shield or looking at my surroundings on a screen or something.

As mentioned it started during my weed smoking days, and back then I also felt the weed made this feeling more pronounced, particularly when I was high, but I rarely smoke weed today and I still feel this way, so I think the opiates are maintaing this feeling.

My questions are: have any of you had this experience? What is it caused by and how do you get rid of it?
 
look up depersonalization/derealization. Definitely what it sounds like. I have to deal with it as well after a period of heavy ecstasy use. It is a common part of depression/bipolar, but can also be a disorder of its own, and also be caused from drug use like marijuana, ecstasy, amphetamines (not sure about opiates though)
 
Derealization can be acutely caused by psychedelics, but can be occasionally troubling due to anxiety, PTSD, etc. As well, it can be exacerbated by high blood pressure/heart rate.

Have you tried finding things that help you come back? Sometimes it can be hugging a loved one, listening to enjoyable music, etc.
 
Have you ever considered that reality may be malleable and subjective and your experience in existence has a strong basing on your perception of said reality? Personally I dont think this is "really real" I dont know the people on these boards they may not be people at all...describe the colour red sensory based deduction is for the birds.
 
n3ophy7e: All the time, but when I'm on weed the feeling is much more pronounced.

Eyes On the Roll: I will look that up. I am being treated with SSRIs today, but I wouldn't say I was depressed back when I started with weed.

Captain.Heroin: I may suffer mildby from Anxiety, I'm also being treated with Alprazolam, but again, I didn't suffer from that back then, so I'm 90% sure the weed did it. My blood pressure is pretty normal I think, but obviously I don't know that. I'm not in a killer shape so I guess it could be slightly higher than normal. I have never been 'back' since it began; not when hugging close ones or doing anything else I like. Frustrating, to say the least. Feels like I'm asleep.

TheBollocks: I didn't quite understand all of your post, but yes, I have indeed considered that. I have even read about Psilosism (not brought on by this; just everyday curiousity). I have also considered if what I feel is actually that way everybody feels / the way you are supposed to feel and how you feel when you are born. But I just seem to remember I felt 'present' back before I began smoking weed, and I would really like to feel that way again :/ My doctor ones described a symptom from drug use (opiates included) that described quite well what I'm feeling, and he said once people are totally clean some of them start feeling normal again, but I've been clean (not for very long though, but still totally clean) and I still feel this.

So an obvious answer would be 'get clean' but I just though maybe somebody knew an effective way to get rid of it easily. These are the drugs I take today:

Heroin / Subutex
Mirtazapine
Alprazolam
Seroquel

I think that's it.
Good day to all of you.
 
Heroin does this too me also bro. I become very detached and obsessive about anything in relation to my use. Reality blurs and I find myself not really understanding what's going on. The farther away I get, the more it begins to come back.
 
Captain.Heroin: Actually I just started working out in a gym with a friend, so if I can just manage to keep that up... I will plan my diet from now on. But it sounds like you might know the biological / chemical reason for this?

theartofwar: I'm glad I'm not the only one who feels this way (not glad you do but I'm glad I'm not alone). But have you managed to find out how to get rid of it? Is the key to stay away from heroin / drugs in general?
 
If youve always felt this unreality then why would you want to get rid of it and what do you think feeling real reality would be like. Im sorry but im having a little trouble understanding your problem if you could elaborate a wee bit...
 
d3Xo-fan said:
Captain.Heroin: Actually I just started working out in a gym with a friend, so if I can just manage to keep that up... I will plan my diet from now on. But it sounds like you might know the biological / chemical reason for this?

theartofwar: I'm glad I'm not the only one who feels this way (not glad you do but I'm glad I'm not alone). But have you managed to find out how to get rid of it? Is the key to stay away from heroin / drugs in general?
Click to expand...

The further I've gotten from heroin the better the situation gets... I'm not far enough out to say it will *stop* - BUT , I can say it has gotten signifcantly better :). Hang in bro.
 
totally knwo what you mean

this happens on 2 distinct levels for me.


1) After a 4th plateau dose of dxm (1500mg etc) i have a heavy tolerance to that shit aftr years of abuse.

2) after spending time playing game like second life and 1st person shooters that get you totally immersed in to the game. Once i logged off and had this strange sensation of just being an avatar on earth, free to do what i want, and explore. (which is true) but this was not like normal life with all my problems and worries going through my head. I had no feelings, no worries or cares, just happy to explore different places, so i got off on a different train staation i never have before and it was unreal! it lasted till i went to sleep that night. I wish i knew what combination of drugs and circumstances brought that on, it was amazing. Like a lucid dream, where you can do anything, rather than shitty life.

The DXM Part i feel totally in another reality. nothing looks alive. theres no energy in this reality. if im alone im convinced im dead. and it really hurts my brain at this level so once i knocked my self out with xanax and found myself lucid in a dream in hell, oh how bad was this. i had no idea how i got there, was totally awake, and totally in torment. After an eternity of "waking up" only to find i was still dreaming i woke up, scared as a puppy dog and crying my eyes out. it had all happened in 45 mins while my girlf went out to get smokes.
Theres only one reason i go to this reality, and its to make peace with this unreality after i lost it on lsd when i was 15. part of me needs to know i can handle unreality.

I have to ask though, does this make you think of what happens after death, ? Cause it sure does to me. Id love to talk to anyone about this unreality state some more, PM me any q's you have! -f
 
You know that feeling of happiness that youre sure will be repressed as its out of line to be happy in that way on every occasion? Thats what im guessing life after life will be. Oh dxm you tease you...
 
TheBollocks, I didn't say I felt this way always. But since not long after I began smoking weed I've been feeling this way.

TheArtOfWar: I suppose my only real choice is to get off both heroin and Subutex. This may seem pretty obvious and it probably is, but luckily I don't need to explain to people here why that can be an issue. But I'm really glad you say it's gotten better, even if it hasn't completely subsided yet.

fluxy: Well, sometimes I do think about an afterlife and stuff like that, but I wouldn't attribute it to my 'condition,' I think it's just 'everyday curiosity' if you can call it that. I don't play second life but I do sit a lot in front of a computer (partly because I'm a programmer), and that 'avatar on earth thing' I can totally relate to, even though I haven't explored new train stations, but I understand that was just an example. I think I may take you up on your offer to exchange PM's; I could really use someone with experience in this matter.

Anyway, I'm in a process of tapering off of Subutex, I plan on only taking 4mgs tomorrow (having taken maybe 5-7mgs today). The really hard work always begins when I reach 0.2 - 0.4mg / day, that is 1 temgesic. But this time around I'll have Halcion / Triazolam .125mg pills to assist me so hopefully I can actually succeed this time around and perhaps do it a little faster than usually, while still not rushing things.

Thanks for all your input.
 
im an ex opiate addict and disassociation has always plagued me. It also began in my days of smoking weed except during that time i felt like there was more to the world than what we can sense. after four years of opiate addiction, everything seemed to be crashing around me. nothing felt real. i would inflict pain on myself just to remind myself that i'm still here, where ever that might be. i'm currently going through paws and its a nasty bitch. everything is so bland without opiates.
 
depersonalization and derealization don't need to be caused by drugs (they can be though, especially drugs that can cause anxiety.) I wouldn't dwell so much on what caused it now and just focus on treatment.

See a doctor. antioxidants, a tight sleep schedule (no staying up, NO STRESS), and 1-2 years on an SSRI helped my friend with this problem. He is off the meds now and smokes weed, he hasn't had a depersonalization episode happen in years.
 
To paraphrase Burroughs; he posited that opiates work so well at inducing analgesia & anesthesia, is because they impart a sort of essence, a parallel to that of being like a plant.... after all, pain and response has no place in most plants.... nor does the whole self-realizaton/identity thing ;)

But.... there are exceptions.... the mimosa plant reacts to stimuli and damage... as do a few others. But reaction doesn't necessarily mean awareness.... as in a defense reaction..... ie what Marauder said :)
 
Ya depersonalization is a bitch currently experiencing it as strong as it has ever been right now.
 
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