feeling like doing it.

[RRJ31337]

I don't want to bore you all with 3 pages of backstory, basically I've been coming to this forum since 2009 for help on various substances. Today at this point I fight the urge to spend my last 35 bucks on heroin because I hate myself and can't bare to be in my own skin sober. Has anyone else thought of a way to relieve the self hate or cope with it? I just spent 20 minutes punching a bowl of rock salt with rubbing alcohol soaked into it trying to get an endorphin rush, can't afford anymore H at the moment and pot no longer has a noticeble effect on my psyche. Any advice from anyone? I know my situation seems vauge to you all at the moment, I'm just looking for a way to cope with feeling like your worth nothing to anyone, even if it only lasts a little while thats all I need. Thank you

 

[Muzda Jonxx]

even if it only lasts a little while thats all I need. Thank you

That's all you need right now. Trouble is, that feeling will be over before you know it, then you'll feel even worse than you do now.

Are you clean from H right now?

 

[Jabberwocky]

I'm just looking for a way to cope with feeling like your worth nothing to anyone, even if it only lasts a little while thats all I need. Thank you

Find someone that you find worthy, and engage in a labor of love. Dedicate yourself to unconditionally helping them to the utmost of your ability. Make a vow to not fail them, and in the process you will find just how worthy you are, for they will see your worth.

And you will see your own worth reflected in their eyes when they look upon you.

Do this with no expectation other than the gratitude of having a purpose.

 

[RRJ31337]

Thank the both of you for your replies. I've been helping people going through things for years, my close friends and even strangers and all everyone says is how I'm so nice, how can I be this nice but for some reason I feel like the biggest asshole on the planet. I've analyzed myself for so long. Anytime there is another human being around me I try and make them laugh constantly because I know laughter is a a positive feeling. When I'm by myself I'm no longer happy, by myself the only things that make me smile and laugh are bad things like thinking of my death and shooting up. Right now I am not clean from heroin. I went about weeks then picked up 2 bags. Railed the first and shot the second.

I thank whoever reads and replies to this, I'm not the type of person to put my pain out in public like this because I believe everyone has a journey they must face but I've just been feeling like I should tell these things to someone. The person i had been confiding in is now one of the sources of saddness but I cannot let them know this.

 

[Muzda Jonxx]

Thank the both of you for your replies. I've been helping people going through things for years, my close friends and even strangers and all everyone says is how I'm so nice, how can I be this nice but for some reason I feel like the biggest asshole on the planet. I've analyzed myself for so long. Anytime there is another human being around me I try and make them laugh constantly because I know laughter is a a positive feeling. When I'm by myself I'm no longer happy, by myself the only things that make me smile and laugh are bad things like thinking of my death and shooting up. Right now I am not clean from heroin. I went about weeks then picked up 2 bags. Railed the first and shot the second.

I thank whoever reads and replies to this, I'm not the type of person to put my pain out in public like this because I believe everyone has a journey they must face but I've just been feeling like I should tell these things to someone. The person i had been confiding in is now one of the sources of saddness but I cannot let them know this.

What's wrong with sharing your pain with people who get it? Anything that makes the journey easier to navigate, if you ask me.

This is a two pronged problem then. First you need to get off the H again. Have a scroll down the dark side posts and read up a thread I started about megadosing vitamin c to ameliorate wd. It sounds far fetched but I assure you it works.

And what shugenja says about finding hobbies and whatnot is sound advice, I reckon that's absolutely necessary for further down the line when the cravings start. Keep us updated!

 

[Cosmic Trigger]

I don't want to bore you all with 3 pages of backstory, basically I've been coming to this forum since 2009 for help on various substances. Today at this point I fight the urge to spend my last 35 bucks on heroin because I hate myself and can't bare to be in my own skin sober. Has anyone else thought of a way to relieve the self hate or cope with it? I just spent 20 minutes punching a bowl of rock salt with rubbing alcohol soaked into it trying to get an endorphin rush, can't afford anymore H at the moment and pot no longer has a noticeble effect on my psyche. Any advice from anyone? I know my situation seems vauge to you all at the moment, I'm just looking for a way to cope with feeling like your worth nothing to anyone, even if it only lasts a little while thats all I need. Thank you

Self hate is a mistaken judgment. What are you hating? Did you create yourself, your DNA, your parents, and life experiences? You are not responsible for this life you are forced to live. So hate is a mistake. And feeling worth nothing is a positive. We are ultimately empty and nothing which contains everything if the greatest philosophies be true.

We are all pawns in this unknowable passion play. Think about it? Learn to relax and float downstream and dispute your ideas of hate as they are cultural implants and are not your own. Accept yourself and don't judge any of your acts. Try for love and compassion in all things. Start small and work on this. Dispute your self hate with the power of your logical mind. It's what I spend all my time at these days. Love and compassion for the suffering of a world in distress is the best way to heal yourself IMO. None of this is easy or will come overnight. Best of luck to you friend.

 

[herbavore]

Learn to relax and float downstream and dispute your ideas of hate as they are cultural implants and are not your own. Accept yourself and don't judge any of your acts. Try for love and compassion in all things. Start small and work on this. Dispute your self hate with the power of your logical mind. It's what I spend all my time at these days. Love and compassion for the suffering of a world in distress is the best way to heal yourself IMO. None of this is easy or will come overnight. Best of luck to you friend.

perfect recipe

 

[Jabberwocky]

In order not to hate ourselves we have to learn to love ourselves. I think the OP is really asking how they can work on beginning to love themselves given their current situation.