My heroin addiction just continues to get worse and worse...it's getting to the point where I kinda want to stop but at the same time I don't plus I can't. I'm on suboxone and while it's made my life alot easier, once a week I will still buy a gram or two of heroin even tho the suboxone treatment is going fine. I just start to crave and bam next thing I know i'm back in the hood getting dope. I'm at the point where i'm doing at least a half gram a day and i'm seriously starting to consider switching to the needle (though I know that'll just make things worse in the long run). Not to mention all my hard earned money is going toward dope. I really need to save up for a new car and get my own place. But that's not happening until I quit for good. I feel like if I don't stop soon things will get alot worse before they get better...dreams of shooting dope can't be a good thing right? ![:\](https://bluelight.org/xf/BL_Images/Orig_Emoji/wrygrin.gif "wry grin :\")
I'm just tired of this shit but if a suboxone script can't get me to stop using then what will? That's where the hopelessness comes in...I don't have the money to go to rehab or get any help other then getting the suboxone script (which is expensive as fuck btw even with my insurance). Not that rehab or NA meetings would do me any good anyway because i'm just not ready to completely give it up yet and I have no idea if I ever will unless I hit rock bottom (which I don't want to happen btw!). Sobriety seems so unbearable too especially since I have work, school, and anxiety issues. I just don't see sobriety doing me any good even though neither does having an escalating heroin habit.
I'm just tired of this shit but if a suboxone script can't get me to stop using then what will? That's where the hopelessness comes in...I don't have the money to go to rehab or get any help other then getting the suboxone script (which is expensive as fuck btw even with my insurance). Not that rehab or NA meetings would do me any good anyway because i'm just not ready to completely give it up yet and I have no idea if I ever will unless I hit rock bottom (which I don't want to happen btw!). Sobriety seems so unbearable too especially since I have work, school, and anxiety issues. I just don't see sobriety doing me any good even though neither does having an escalating heroin habit.