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Feeling guilty about first time IV use

ovo1024

ovo1024

Bluelighter
Joined
Sep 15, 2012
Messages
1,722
Location
Sacramento CA
so i didnt know where to post this, but the other night i was on 6mg of xanax and got the bright idea to walk over to my friends house who does dope, we smoked a little i took more xanax i think i was on 9mg i gave him 2 bars for himself by now i was so gone but wasnt really tired from the smoking, he told me he had shot up n really enjoyed it i said no at first but eventually let him do it to me. now i feel horrible my gf is really upset with me i just dont know how to get over this depression. any ideas? :/
 
Btw, i am talking about meth. that is what i shot up, he said it was a 20 i think that means the water amount? idk.
 
I would also feel guilt around my iv use, a kinda "dirty" feeling. There's a real stigma attached to needles. I don't think you should let it get to you though; your feeling guilty, but just let it pass. Btw I would always advise people not to start the habit if they ask how how better it is
 
So you've decided to experiment, and by the sounds of it you are not overly happy with the outcome from this one session..
Do yourself a favor and stay away from the needle.. Your friend obviously isn't on the best track in life, don't let him persuade you in to using (especially SHARING) any more needles..
Although your partner might be angry with you, i think its a good thing she knows..
When you hide this sort of stuff from your partner from the start, its always going to be a rough confusing ride.
 
mrflowers00 said:
it was a one time mistake if your gf can't get over it then she doesn't care enough about you to be worth your time
Click to expand...

My wife has been the one cornerstone of hope throughout my rollercoaster ride of addiction. She has helped/supported/been there for me and is one of my biggest motivational factors for wanting/striving to get clean, outside of my own personal desire to live a sober life. Without her, my addiction would have been 20x worse. She was the one moderating influence throughout the whole ordeal.

Any other woman would have hit the road, but she's sticking by me through thick or thin and knows the real meaning of the vows "for better or worse." She's my hero, tbh and I love her dearly.
 
Don't waste time on guilt but trust that the source of that guilt is your own inner wisdom that says this is a terrible road to go down.
 
You can't take it back, so no use feeling guilty about it. But you do have a decision to make. The second I got my first shot of meth, I was hooked (again) and over a year flew by alternating meth shot with heroin shot, day in and day out. Until we had a dangerous awakening and had to stop (court order of course). And I didn't even realize I had a problem. I've now been clean off of meth again since January 17th I guess, sadly with a few relapses. And during each of those relapses, everything I worked to rebuild in my life fell apart again. One night turning into three turned into two weeks. And then we were out of money and still junkies so we were forced to stop (with drug tests). But I still struggle with it every day. I dream of that shot. But don't let the guilt get to you. Just do something about it. It's so powerful and so addicting. I'll probably dream of that shot again for the rest of my life. But it's dangerous. I used to say how can people put a needle in their arm and not except to get addicted? I don't regret my choice, but I certainly should have taken my own advice. Now I have to deal with it for the rest of my life. And that kinda sucks. Now you have a taste, and that's hard to turn your back on. Trust me, I know. And hopefully you will be able to make that decision before your whole world falls apart multiple times. It's impossible to have a sustainable life smoking meth. It's 100x harder IV'ing it. Good luck OP. And I do wish the best, healthiest thing for you. I'm not trying to be mean. I really mean that.
 
Just be thankful you probably barely remember shooting that 20 of Meth because if you had been extremely conscious and aware you might have gotten strung out instantly. That's how it was with me, last november I tried IV methamphetamine and slammed a whole 20 (I had tried it twice before this, I was addicted to slamming $60+ worth of H daily so I had IV experience already, but both times before I didn't do enough to get the effect I did off slamming a whole 20 sack) and I was gone. After that day I slammed Meth every single day, sometimes 4-6 times a day all the way up until a little less than 2 months ago. I have since went back to Heroin.

I hate to come into your thread and start telling my story but that's just the example I want to give you to show you how fucking lucky you actually are that you weren't conscious enough to really remember how evil that shot of Meth was. that shit will kill your mind, your soul and your body before you know it. You should tell your gf this too, lmao. I hate to come in here and seem like an asshole (if I do) but damn you don't know how lucky you are, if you know what's best for you you'll stay away from the needle AND definitely from shooting methamphetamine because it is the most evil thing I can think of besides slamming heroin (or both, at the same time, in the same syringe) so please try and cheer up, calm yourself. You live to fight another day :)

best of luck to you in maintaining your sobriety if that is your plan, if not then best of luck to you in maintaining your sobriety from slamming meth lol :p
 
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