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feeling depressed the seond i wake up in the morning

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Dr.kush

Bluelighter
Joined
May 9, 2010
Messages
248
Location
Ventura
some days the second i wake up i feel depressed right away. its weird and when i think about some things, like my ex, or when i was in rehab i feel even sadder and idk why. im recovery from heroin at age 16, and i just found out that i cant stay sober, i relapsed with alcohol a couple of times. and i go to meetings like family group, and alumni at my rehab and i of course act like i been sober. i feel like a piece of shit for it. but idk why i feel depressed for no reason it seems. i stopped taking my remeron i was prescribed at my rehab it for depression, but i felt depressed on it so i just stopped taking it, like 3 days ago.

so im stuck in this fucked up rut, whats your thoughts on what i should? i cant talk to mom bout hings like this though. and im really saying fuck it lets start drinking, but idk if i want to go that route but it sounds better than the one im taking, so what should i do? have you had any of these experiences?
 
I'm pretty much in a horrible place right now where I am using drugs to fill the "Void" and to forget about it. But trust me all it does it send you down further and further. With each high the the low becomes ten times worse.
I would say maybe try talking to a professional.
 
If i knew the answer I'd share. Take her one day at a time and cherish the act of living. It only happens once so make something out of it, do something out there. What you like doing as a hobby ( a hobby youve had since before drug days maybe)?
 
i woke up thinking 'fuck' for two years straight for no reason. my suggestion is seeing a psychiatrist aswell and get on a SSRI (serotonin upper). I'm not on em, so i shouldn't talk but apparently they work. i just got diagnosed adhd though and everytime i took adderall before I'd wake up thinking fuck but take addy and be like ah *relief* like the world was ok again
 
Dr.kush said:
some days the second i wake up i feel depressed right away. its weird and when i think about some things, like my ex, or when i was in rehab i feel even sadder and idk why. im recovery from heroin at age 16, and i just found out that i cant stay sober, i relapsed with alcohol a couple of times. and i go to meetings like family group, and alumni at my rehab and i of course act like i been sober. i feel like a piece of shit for it. but idk why i feel depressed for no reason it seems. i stopped taking my remeron i was prescribed at my rehab it for depression, but i felt depressed on it so i just stopped taking it, like 3 days ago.
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Hey Dr kush, it's really common for people to feel depressed after they get clean off drugs. It takes time for your brain to restablise itself after the years of drug abuse. But it WILL get easier with time, and you WILL feel happy again.

Are you getting any one-on-one counselling? If not, I highly recommend that you do. It doesn't sound like you're comfortable being open and honest in a group setting, which might explain why you're not telling them the truth about your drinking. You might be more comfortable admitting this to a counsellor with no-one else around. Do you think so?

Also, I know you said the remeron wasn't helping but perhaps it might be worth speaking to your doctor about trying a different anti-depressant. Like I said, your brain needs to recover from the drug abuse and you might need medication to help with that. It's ultimately your choice if you want to take anti-depressants though but it might be worth discussing with your doctor anyway.

Just keep in mind though, that recovery from drug addiction is an ongoing process and you need to keep working at it. You don't just magically get better overnight and no-one should expect that of you. Good luck man, keep us updated with how you're going okay? <3
 
im such a piece of fucking shit!

after a week out of rehab for heroin, i relapsed with alcohol, i never said any thing a week later i drank 2 more times. in my rehabs family group i lie and say how many days sober im suppose to have. i just feel real shitty bout lying to these great peolpe trying to help. but i cant stay sober i think im just one of those people who are going to die being a drug addict. the reason i keep going and lie is because my mom will put me on lockdown then ill have no life for even longer. so im just trying to save my ass. i just dont want to be sober, and lie to every one but i guess thats just what a selfish person like myself does, but what do you think i should do?

its just that i feel to fucking deppressed to stay sober, i thought i wanted it while in rehab but i guess i just cant have it.

fuck i dont what to fucking do, whats your thoughts?
 
Nah man, it sounds to me you know what you want, and that's to stop gettin fucked up. You said so yourself.

It seems like your stuck in a bit of a negative thought loop my friend. Whats up, if you don't mind me asking? I'm sure if you gave us a little more background info about your situation, it would help us to help you!
 
I just don't want to do my program or get a sponsor. But if I don't my mom will get on my case, I can't get sober, I find it impossible so i'm over the idea of it I don't give a fuck. I jus feel so much like shit for acting good when I'm not, I'm lying to everyone.

And it doesn't help my depression that I have either
 
Hey Dr kush, I'm going to merge this with your other thread because it's about the same issues that you're having at the moment.

Have you considered seeking some one-on-one counselling, like I suggested before? I really think it could help you much more than the group therapy seems to be.

I really think you need to be honest with your mum, she loves you and she only wants the best for you. You've been put in a rehab program for a reason, because you need help. Please use this opportunity to get clean NOW before you get any deeper in to addiction.

I do not believe for one second that there are people on this planet who are destined to always be addicted. It's hard to overcome addiction, no-one said it would be easy man. But in the long run you will be so glad you got sober and kept at it <3
 
I've been there, I'm still there sometimes, I'd suggest some kind of professional help, it was the only thing besides drugs that helped when I had my first long lasting severe depressive episode.
 
Dr.kush, there's nobody whose purpose is to be a lifelong addict. You are ultimately the one who can make the decision to stop. As suggested above, I've been doing 1 on 1 therapy for the past 6 months and it has been an incredible help in dealing with some of my shit, will you try it out? If you don't like the 12-step programs there are other alternatives too, although they are not as big.

With time things get much better. Don't think that how you felt 1 week out of rehab is how you will continue to feel. Change is gradual, but you deserve to find out what kind of life you have waiting for you :)
 
Dr.kush said:
after a week out of rehab for heroin, i relapsed with alcohol, i never said any thing a week later i drank 2 more times. in my rehabs family group i lie and say how many days sober im suppose to have. i just feel real shitty bout lying to these great peolpe trying to help. but i cant stay sober i think im just one of those people who are going to die being a drug addict. the reason i keep going and lie is because my mom will put me on lockdown then ill have no life for even longer. so im just trying to save my ass. i just dont want to be sober, and lie to every one but i guess thats just what a selfish person like myself does, but what do you think i should do?

its just that i feel to fucking deppressed to stay sober, i thought i wanted it while in rehab but i guess i just cant have it.

fuck i dont what to fucking do, whats your thoughts?
Click to expand...

No wonder your depressed man! Just listen to yourself. Anyone would be depressed if they thought like this. As soon as your voices go from this to "I love myself and everyone. I have done a decent job. I can't believe I am really sober for more than 2 weeks. I trust myself so much more now!" then you will not be as depressed! Mental attitude plays such a huge part. You remind me of myself in the sense that u don't seem clinically depressed, merely a sucker for punishment.
 
Start being honest about what you're doing, to your support groups. They can't help you if you lie.

Get some counselling! I know how you feel with the depression, I go through times where I'm just down about everything from the moment I'm awake, a therapist really helps. Even if you don't get on an antidepressant, they can help you find ways to think of things differently, and it really does make it better.

Give it time. If you mess up, don't say "well I might as well just get hammered now", just start over with being sober again. Over and over and over again, and tell yourself you can do it. Think positively, even if you completely dread doing it and it feels impossible. It gets easier over time. If you think negatively all of the time you're basically dooming yourself to feeling like crap all of the time.

Take control of your life. Be patient. Believe that you can do it.
 
One thing I'd suggest...

I'm not an expert so I won't throw much down here, but from what I understand here your family is with you during your support sessions?

If that's correct and you feel you really can't be honest or express your problems with family around, then it's doing you no good. Although it doesn't seem like it sometimes I'd say that the other suggestions for one on one therapy may be the best bet. No, it's not magical, but it can be surprising how much better it can feel getting all this kind of shit off your chest.

Not to diminish your emotions or anything, but I and many other people know exactly where you're at right now and having the misconception that you're alone or that you're wrong for feeling like you do or that nobody can ever help you feel better only makes everything feel worse. I know that sometimes it can feel really hopeless, like you're an old man stuck in a young body and it will never get better, but know that there are people and doctors out there that do what they do to help people just like you.

Honestly to many seeing a psychiatrist and having it not work at first is a false sign that they have to resign themselves to just feeling the way they do, but no matter what there are always more steps to be taken until you're better. If ssri's don't work, then they'll keep trying different meds and treatments until you don't feel like death every second of the day.

I said that I won't put much down...I guess I've already done so, but if you don't read anything else here just read this; there are people who can and want to help you, and there are ways to get better, I give you my word on that...the question is just what will work for you, and you can't start searching for your "thing" until you start seeking treatment. If you seek out help you'll find it, I promise that to you.

Once again, just remember, you most definitely aren't alone in feeling the way you do, so don't ever feel like you are or that nobody understands what you feel, cause we do.
 
i know exactly how u feel. for years ive been having this thing come back to bite me in the ass periodically and then it just disappears, but now, its come back with a vengeance. every day for the past three months ive been fighting the urge to simply end it. shitty thought i guess but thats how it is. i did quit drugs about the same time this depression or whatever it is reappeared, but i dont think its caused by giving up. in fact i dont actually get cravings for drugs ever really. i smoke weed now and will take lsd where it appears, but thats it. no stims, opiates, nothing but psychs. your not on your own in this even though it feels like you are. SSRI'S dont sem to be the way to go for me but i dont know what the fuck else to try as i dont see myself getting out of this easily, or at all tbh.
 
i think you need to find something that works for you. the 12 steps dont work unless you are convinced they will work for you. in my experience there is a void that needs to be filled. drugs do fill it but only as long as the drug works and then you are even worse off.

find something that makes you feel GOOD. cycling, writing, exploring a religion, talking to girls....anything. you need something that will make living feel worthwile. i would suggest trying an ssri. take a low dose for a month as to avoid side effects and im sure youll probably start feeling a little better and it will be easier to feel a little better.

at this point it sounds like you need some help that you simply are not getting. holy shit do i remember how hard it is dealing with the guilt of an addiction whilst living with your family. i would try to get away and do something that your family would feel safe with like an outward bound trip or something.
 
Read this book:
http://www.amazon.com/Over-Influence-Reduction-Managing-Alcohol/dp/1572308001

It's a new way of looking at rehab treatment. It will help you not beat yourself up over relapsing. It's a whole different way of getting better. You can learn to control yourself, become an occasional user if it doesn't harm your life, and puts the 12step program to shame.

I'd also suggest listening to dubstep! Everyday... that's what works for me.
 
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