Feel like I'm smart yet still make impulsive irrational decisions .. fucked up life

[Renz Envy]

Other than stealing, I can relate. I'm 21 and leaving my university. I have no drive to pursue a 4 year degree any longer. I've had a number of other people talk down to me for wasting this opportunity, but at the end of the day, school environment education is not for everyone.

Does it make you or I less intelligent? No. Does it weaken our credentials? Yes.

I find myself happier working and making money in a full time job. School has treated me quite poorly in the past. I feel alone, isolated, unwanted. Due to my street experience, enthusiastic-creative mind and autonomy, most college students do not find anything in common with me.

After hearing advice from several very wealthy late twenties, early thirty year olds, the most important thing to do at your age is to learn a skill. There are jobs out there that can pay 6 figures and do not require anything more than drive and an internship.

I urge you to focus your mind from drugs and onto ambition.

If school is not the path of happiness for you, then there is no shame. But stealing is not worth it. You are better than that.

 

[Vaya]

I think it is better not to forget one's mistakes---they are our best teachers and lead to the most profound changes. Instead of trying to forget the mistakes of the past, accept them as part of the learning curve of your own development as a human being. Trying to deny what makes you feel guilty is only going to lead you to say, "fuck it!" and repeat the same mistakes and keep digging the hole deeper.

I absolutely agree with this statement. I have made volumes - encyclopedias, even - of mistakes in my life. But just as one learns to avoid open flame after being badly burnt, so, too, do we learn similar and arguably as valuable lessons from the inevitable indiscretions we make during the courses of our individual existences.

Albert Einstein defined "insanity" as attempting the same thing repeatedly, each time expecting different results. Therefore, it is my opinion that if we do not make concerted efforts to remember and learn from our mistakes, we doom ourselves to lives mitigated by rampant insanity. Through needless (ad needed) trial-and-error, I have truly come to understand the intrinsic value of sanity within the confines of my own earthly existence. And it logically follows that I cherish the mistakes I've made along the way. They undergo a remarkable metamorphosis from events breeding regret and remorse into talismans of wisdom that foster resiliency.

Without this resiliency, I would surely be lost - as helpless as a blind mouse trying desperately to escape the talons of countless hawks circling above my head. My most painful memories are the most poignant givers-of-life I could ever hope for. But it took me many years - and many more mistakes - for this fact to be realized.

~ Vaya

 

[ambiestaplon]

Perplexity, I am a 23 year old and have an idea of how you feel and have been through similar things since i was 16-17 years old. I was on the verge of a mental breakdown yesterday morning and was for the first time in my life actually thinking about giving up on life for a combination of reasons, because my hookup for opiates didn't hold on to what he said he was going to for me and the fact that I'm about to get suspended from my college for not meeting academic progress for the 3rd fall semester in a row due to my constant self sabotage. I was on suboxone maintenance for almost a year and a half and then slowly tapered my way down this past august but still have had slight wd's since then. I slipped up a few weeks ago when my bud connect told me they could get oxy30's and have been using those, ritalin, clonazepam and a slew of other things for my back problems. When my substance of choice for numbing me and avoiding my problems couldnt be aquired i felt like my world was crashing down and that there was no hope for me what so ever. Later that day the Piracetam I ordered the week before came in the mail so I took 1 800mg capsule along with around 17.5 mgs of zolpidem before my class because I had to do a little clinician/patient skit in front of the class, I also have anxiety problems and nothing works better for me for that than good old ambien. well after the ambiens effects wore off I felt surprisingly good and more motivated than I have ever felt without using stimulants. It was almost like it was a pure motivation that came from within myself/my brain and not one caused by a drug is the best way I can explain it. Not exactly sure how this part has worked but I havent felt any opiate withdrawals since my last dose on sunday morning (have been taking anywhere from 15-30mg of loperamide a day but that didn't really take my withdrawals away before) and I almost feel like a whole new person. All I can say/the only way I can really put it is that piracetam might have saved my life. It's like it has reconnected parts of my brain that became disconnected/that I havent used over my past 6+ years of drug abuse. I feel like this is a miracle drug and that you should try it especially from the things I read about it helping with alchohol addiction. I agree with what a lot of the previous posters have said and all I can add is that if you want to better yourself dont try to take on all of your problems at once or it will overwhelm you and send your right back to your substances of choice. Take small steps to take care of one thing at a time or per day, even per week if you have to. Just know that you cant fix everything all at once with one magical act and that it's going to take time and patience. Just dont give up or put too much on your plate at once or itll send you right back to those irrational decisions that you and I and all addicts hate the most but end up making anyway when we start to get uncomfortable/afraid/anxious/depressed. and I really really really recommend piracetam because it has done wonders for me in the day and a half that I've used it. Sorry my reply/post was so long, I just couldnt think of a shorter way to say what i needed to say and wanted to include all the background info i could and needed to help describe and explain how much of a 180 this supplement has provided my life with. We are young and there is still plenty of time for us to turn things around and put ourselves in the direction we want to go/end up in. It is never too late no matter how many fuckups we've had. Everything serves a purpose and our experiences, no matter how bad they might've been still teach us things and help us with life. Good luck with everything.

PS sorry to the mods if I've broken any rules, I'm a new poster even tho I've been reading things and lurking on this site since around the beginning of my drug use

 

[SideOrderOfOpiates]

Spoken like a true drug addict

Hahahaha! A-fucking-men.

(Thank you. I needed that.)

 

[Monsieur]

Spoken like a true drug addict

^This made me lol. However, so true.


I'm what today's society would classify as intelligent.

Honors status in HS... That I fucked up w/ drugs. Went to juvenile and got my GED w/ Honors (only missed one questions).

Managed to get into a university and achieve Honors status as well as being on the Dean's list multiple times.


However, I've managed to fuck things up very bad due to my opiate addiction. Coke is a lot different than opiates, though. I find (personally) opiates are a drug that allow you to advance in life a bit before they begin to fuck it up. Opiates made me ambitious when I was on them and made me happy to be working long hours and studying full time. However, now that I'm detoxing it's totally different.


Coke just puts me in that epic "FUCK IT" state of mind and turns me into a fiend real quick. This is why I haven't touched the stuff in three years- makes me do totally stupid shit, so that's definitely part of the problem.

Booze is a depressant... Pretty self explanatory, but I know how the brain can work against your body.


Try cutting back and then quitting. Then get your diet right and start exercising. If you try to recover by eating McDonald's and sitting on your ass, it's just going to make you feel worse.

 

[hthr007]

You're still young, you have time to change.

Intelligence has no direct correlation with irrational and impulsive decisions. I believe drug addiction is a brain disease, just like one can have Alzheimer's Disease, one can also suffer from drug addiction. I have 2 degrees from University and I'm going for my 3rd; made honor roll in high school, Dean's list every semester at University...so I'm what some would call "book smart", but I'm also addicted to drugs.

It is never too late to turn your life around by apologizing to people, trying to repair bridges that have been burnt, and trying to get clean. Of course all of this will take time and it doesn't happen over night, but it's never too late to start, and any step in the right direction - no matter how small it may seem - is a positive move.

You're not fucked up. You're a human being who makes mistakes. There is not one person on this forum or reading this whose hands are clean. It's not too late, it's never too late.