Feel like I'm losing control over my mind

[falsifiedhypothesi]

I have been depressed for a while and I've learned to just live with it.

Lately, due to my job, I am being forced to be around people that frustrate the hell out of me. I am terrible at small talk and conversation in general unless I am completely comfortable, due to this I really despise talking to most people and my anxiety lvl skyrockets to near panic attack everytime I try. My brain just shuts down and I look like a moron standing there with nothing to say. I'm sure I've got some brand of social anxiety but it's getting much worse the more I try to face it.

I feel like I am getting dumber and more anxious by the day. I can't think anymore and all my energy is being used to deal with or suppress my anxiety. My impulse control has also gotten noticeably worse which gets me more stressed. I'm trying to stay away from tobacco, benzos, and alcohol but it's getting much harder to resist taking the easy way out, plus I can't be drunk or high on the job. I have no idea what to do.

 

[pentouch]

I know exactly what you are feeling now,I too get nervous.. around friends even. Zoloft helped with social anxiety greatly,I felt much more hyped and confident,now Im off it,I again feel this anxiety,but Im working my way up,by talking a little ,with time you will be in the game,you have to start with awkward shit,people will make fun of you,but kindly say fuck them and become better self by practicing social skills every day.. I f you dont want rocky road,take zoloft you will feel free of that "getting dumber and more anxious by the day",especially dumber part.
Oh also if your anxiety getting stronger,when you face your fear,you shouldnt fight it,the tension of this fight doesnt work when making small talk with people,you come all tensed up and awkward like that and this feeds your fear further. There are some tactics,make fun of my self (speaking the truth,our problem is ridiculous). The time I thought I will fake it till I make it,I would come as arrogant fool,so I opened as a soft kind person I am,and people didnt stop talking to me.
Also its a cliche, but you dont feel complete as a person you are,depression is a root of not being honest with your self and having low self esteem ,so do things that makes you better,reading books and working out,are the basics,not benzos or alcohol
I have days like these and I spend a lot of time alone,I got my social anxiety quite often ,but when it breaks,like sometimes it feels all right,its a good day and im not a fool anymore,but yeah it goes back to bad days real quick,but really its just an illusion that this is how you really are..because we are focused on darker days more than a good days

 

[THECATINTHEHAT]

I can't really empathise with your specific symptoms but what does seem apparent from the little you have said is that you are maybe living a certain sort of self - fulfilling prophecy. You suffer from anxiety so you focus in on that symptom in social situations, which is leaving you unable to communicate as you would like, which means you focus in on that, which makes you more anxious....

Forgive me if I'm wrong but it seems like there is something of a pattern like that going on which is causing the problem to grow and grow?

I can't really give you any condition specific advice but I think perhaps one of the most important things in the treatment of many disorders is the simple (but not easy) task of learning to live in the moment. I'm fighting something of a running battle with depression at the moment and my constant questioning of past actions and worries about the future lead me to want to shut out the world in the present when really that is the worst thing I can do because the lack of action fuels the fire for the critical voice in my head.

Learn to live in the present, don't cast your mind back to past 'inadequacies' or forecast how others might interpret your behaviour, don't try and do other people's thinking for them. I know this seems like such simple advice as to almost be condescending, but being able to follow through on it makes a huge difference to me. If I'm living in the past or future I can't be giving all of myself to the present.

Just my 2p, I could be totally wrong. There are plenty of people here who have 1st had experience of diagnosed anxiety disorders who should be able to weigh in with good advice.

 

[Chimeric]

i can relate to the "feeling like an anxious moron in social situations at work." it sucks. i often feel that people are judging me or will talk behind my back. but it's no use worrying about things you can't control. i know it's mediocre advice at best, but it's the truth. try to keep your mind on ideas and goals and what you would like to make of your life. it might just help you deal with the small stuff.

 

[falsifiedhypothesi]

thanks for the responses, it's helped me think a little deeper about what is actually going on in these situations.

 

[methamaniac]

How long you been clean? I would bet not long as this sounds chemical. Your experiencing stress from a preceived threat, in this case embarrassment. Most likely adrenal issue/fatigue. Jus give it time to recover, but expect it might take 3 or 4 months.
You mentioned it, stay away from anything speedy or this will amp up.....trust me.
Positive thinking will help, but if is hormones hard to fight cause they tell body how to feel.
This will get better with time
p.s I'm not a doctor so yes, run this by him or her