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Feel as though I'm in the wrong when my mrs is upset!

I

IzGood

Bluelighter
Joined
Jan 27, 2003
Messages
220
I know all women are moody and have their period etc. but when my mrs gets upset / angry / sad for something which is probably minor / hormone related, I always take it personally and think that I'm not doing a good enough job overall.

But in reality it's probably nothing to do with me as one day she can be cool with something but the next day be incredibly upset for the same thing. Even she sometimes admits later than it's just mood / hormone related.

But if she is upset, I take it personally and think god dam, it's my problem, she's not happy, I must be doing something wrong. Do other guys have the same mindset or is it just me? and how do I get out of that mindset and realise that most of the time it's just her problem!
 
I got the same problem right now. Tonight she came into my restaurant and according to her I was acting weird and awkward. She took it as I didn't want her there, was hiding something, or was embarrassed of her. Wtf?

She just started her period and its a bad one so I didn't think much. Tonight she was a bitch acting like a child and nothing I said mattered nor did I know what to say anyway.

As the night went on her misery spread to me and I got annoyed and angry. Eventually I started feeling bad cause I was a bit awkward when she came in to see me but she caught me off guard. I was thinking I was wrong till I started from this morning and realized I didn't do anything wrong and I let her go to bed so this is hopefully gone in the morning.

Such a fuckin pain in my ass sometimes
 
Don't just ignore her mood or being upset - talk to her. You seem a bit down at the moment is everything ok - sometimes jokingly saying 'uh oh - time of the month is it' - but it's a double edge sword as can make some women feel even worse / more angry at you :D.

There is no way of knowing what the other person is annoyed at / upset at without asking them - if after a couple of months you see that your not doing anything 'wrong' and it's just her hormones accept the fact.
 
You aren't responsible for anyone else's sense of happiness other than your own.

Even if you were a therapist, it's still up to the client to aim for and achieve their own personal happiness.

Especially in a relationship, if someone is being negative, GTFO!!!! I'm not saying leave her, but choose NOT to be around her when she IS like that. Why? You deserve someone who is positive, and not negative. True story.

If you don't think the negativity is rubbing off on you, you're wrong by your own admission that you still think it's your fault, even though you have a very solid understanding that it's period/hormone related.
 
I think that it is often a basic difference between man and woman. Inasmuch that men take a problem on board and want to fix it, whereas a woman often just want to have someone to vent to. Perhaps you could just ask her what you can do to make things better, she may well say that there is is nothing you can do in which case all all she wants is a sympathetic ear to vent to and perhaps a cuddle.
That's what I have experienced anyhow.
 
some people blame others for their mood

this is childish. if i'm in a mood its probably not your fault unless you have done something obviously bad, even then its how i have chosen to react to it.

sometimes when there is imbalance one person just ends up taking all the blame-whether this is because they are being blamed all the time or they tend to think that everything bad is somehow their fault is open for discussion
 
Quick question, just to check - do you comment on it when she's moody on her period for instance? I'm sure you're not as stupid but I had an ex who used to actually complain about me being a bitch when I had PMS...kinda just made me want to tell him that he should try feeling suicidal every second for a week every month, on top of crippling stomach cramps and bleeding, and then go fuck off in a hole and die :|
We know we get moody/emotional on our period, we don't need to be told ;)

I'm not accusing you of anything at all, I suspect you're probably smarter than that, but I'm throwing it out there just in case.

Also, I agree with Bearlove - when she is upset, ask her why! Once she explains it should be considerably easier to absolve yourself of blame. Other than that, there really isn't much to do aside from just continuing to tell yourself it's not your fault...get those thoughts out of your head as soon as they pop up and you should stop thinking them eventually :)
 
I will definitely admit that I get more moody/hormonal around my time of month. If it was something I could control better - oh I would! Unfortunately, one of the side effects of birth control pills (you know, so I can have sex and all). Sometimes you need to be a bit more understanding, but she also needs to realize what's going on (that she's PMS-ing) and keep that in mind. I think it is ridiculous when a female does not realize (ever) that she's moody and emotional due to her time of month. But it's also good for her partner to be a bit more sensitive to her feelings and not take everything so personally around that time.
 
Gotta fight for the right to be moody
The primary truth of marriage is that when she's/he's down it's your fault.
It can make you feel like shit, you just have to live with it and take it in your stride.
Bet your partner does the same for you and you don't even notice.
 
Thanks for all the replies.

It's definitely hormone related and is usually over trivial / random things which she can become sad / upset / angry about.
But when she starts and then starts complaining about all different types of things which normally she doesn't complain about, it gives me the motivation to quit all what I'm doing and tell her to hit the road so to speak.

Which I understand is not the smart thing to do because she is upset about trivial things and it's NOT about me or what I'm doing, it's just because of her mood / hormones. I just can't get myself out of the mindset that it's my fault in someway that she is not happy. I do understand that if I was perfect, she would still be upset because of her hormones / mood at the time. But I find it so difficult that if she blames me for some random thing at that time of the month, of just ignoring it?
 
holy shit fuck periods..... my wife gets some bad periods man!! shes been getting better as she has been getting older but at times she has been so arrogant, ignorant, and just down right crude, rude, and cruel!!! and normally she is nothing like this - its like a 180.
 
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llama112 said:
I will definitely admit that I get more moody/hormonal around my time of month. If it was something I could control better - oh I would! Unfortunately, one of the side effects of birth control pills (you know, so I can have sex and all). Sometimes you need to be a bit more understanding, but she also needs to realize what's going on (that she's PMS-ing) and keep that in mind. I think it is ridiculous when a female does not realize (ever) that she's moody and emotional due to her time of month. But it's also good for her partner to be a bit more sensitive to her feelings and not take everything so personally around that time.
Click to expand...

what about when a female is so overwhelmed in hormones that she is AWARE she is just PMSing but to her it is an EXCUSE to be a megacunt!! lol, as i said, shes been getting better as she gets older - much better actually, it used to be baaaaaaad... you can hear the rage in my message though just talking about this - and shes not even on her period right now! I used to respond really bad and get angry back, and we would bicker, but i learned to be more mature (most of the time) and try to calm her with kindness which didnt work for a long time and sometimes still doesn't, lol.

but as we have each been getting older and more mature, these weeks (for her actually its more half a week before and sometimes half after >.<) have not been as turbulent on our relationship and happiness.
 
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