Material541
Bluelighter
Hello BL.
I would like some advice from you all. I’ll begin with my story. I considered posting this in one of the main bad trips thread, but I figured it deserved its own thread.
I have been using psychedelic drugs since November. On average, I would trip maybe once every two weeks. My drug of choice was mainly 2C-I, but I also tried 2C-E, 2C-D, 2C-C, and 4-AcO-DET.
Three months ago, I took about 16mg of 4-AcO-DET and smoked some JWH-018 about an hour into the trip. Shortly thereafter, I had a severe moment of panic when I looked at my bedsheets and thought I had smeared cake frosting or something (my bedsheets have these penguins with red scarves. The scarves are painted in so they have this smeared artstyle). I realized it wasn’t cake. But then I panicked a little more when I was reminded that I had injected 4-AcO-DET the day beforehand and perhaps I had pricked myself with the needle and spilled blood.
Anyway, I soon realized that it was just my bedsheets and that everything was okay. However, the rest of the trip was spent in this very strange, panicky state. In restrospect, I believe I was having panic attacks (prior to this, I have never had any). Instead of the typical fear of death many people get, my main fear was that time was stopping, or something like that. Or that I was being frozen in this exact moment. You know how when sometimes your computer freezes while you are playing music, and it very quickly loops over the same 1/4th second or so part of the song until your turn the computer off? That is what I felt was happening to my life. Very hard to describe.
For a month after that, I would occasionally get these time-stopping panic attacks. I also experienced uncomfortable depersonalization/derealization for about 2 months after. I was constantly worried about how I was feeling and what I was experiencing. I stopped with the psychedelic drugs since then, with the exception of the occasional joint (no more JWH-018, it was immediate anxiety). I do get occasional flashes of weirdness if I think about my existence too much (as if I am trapped in my own body unable to control my actions, or something) but I am pretty much back to normal.
I’ve been seeing my school psychologist to help tackle anxiety and self-confidence issues I’ve had all my life, which has helped immensely.
Now, I want to indulge in psychedelics once again. Particularly, 4-AcO-DMT. I don’t plan on taking ego-shattering doses or anything, maybe something in the range of 8mg – 16mg.
I think my main fear was/(is?) that of losing control. That I am going crazy and will get stuck in that tripping state. I get overly concerned over what I am experiencing.
So I am writing this to ask for advice on “letting go” and living in the moment during a trip. I read trip reports and posts here often and I can’t help but envy everyone who can do this at ease. After reading various threads on here, I shall start with the basics of having a good set and setting, good music, and a sitter.
Thank you all for your time.
I would like some advice from you all. I’ll begin with my story. I considered posting this in one of the main bad trips thread, but I figured it deserved its own thread.
I have been using psychedelic drugs since November. On average, I would trip maybe once every two weeks. My drug of choice was mainly 2C-I, but I also tried 2C-E, 2C-D, 2C-C, and 4-AcO-DET.
Three months ago, I took about 16mg of 4-AcO-DET and smoked some JWH-018 about an hour into the trip. Shortly thereafter, I had a severe moment of panic when I looked at my bedsheets and thought I had smeared cake frosting or something (my bedsheets have these penguins with red scarves. The scarves are painted in so they have this smeared artstyle). I realized it wasn’t cake. But then I panicked a little more when I was reminded that I had injected 4-AcO-DET the day beforehand and perhaps I had pricked myself with the needle and spilled blood.
Anyway, I soon realized that it was just my bedsheets and that everything was okay. However, the rest of the trip was spent in this very strange, panicky state. In restrospect, I believe I was having panic attacks (prior to this, I have never had any). Instead of the typical fear of death many people get, my main fear was that time was stopping, or something like that. Or that I was being frozen in this exact moment. You know how when sometimes your computer freezes while you are playing music, and it very quickly loops over the same 1/4th second or so part of the song until your turn the computer off? That is what I felt was happening to my life. Very hard to describe.
For a month after that, I would occasionally get these time-stopping panic attacks. I also experienced uncomfortable depersonalization/derealization for about 2 months after. I was constantly worried about how I was feeling and what I was experiencing. I stopped with the psychedelic drugs since then, with the exception of the occasional joint (no more JWH-018, it was immediate anxiety). I do get occasional flashes of weirdness if I think about my existence too much (as if I am trapped in my own body unable to control my actions, or something) but I am pretty much back to normal.
I’ve been seeing my school psychologist to help tackle anxiety and self-confidence issues I’ve had all my life, which has helped immensely.
Now, I want to indulge in psychedelics once again. Particularly, 4-AcO-DMT. I don’t plan on taking ego-shattering doses or anything, maybe something in the range of 8mg – 16mg.
I think my main fear was/(is?) that of losing control. That I am going crazy and will get stuck in that tripping state. I get overly concerned over what I am experiencing.
So I am writing this to ask for advice on “letting go” and living in the moment during a trip. I read trip reports and posts here often and I can’t help but envy everyone who can do this at ease. After reading various threads on here, I shall start with the basics of having a good set and setting, good music, and a sitter.
Thank you all for your time.
