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Father

Z

Zjabo

Bluelighter
Joined
Apr 1, 2001
Messages
663
Location
San Diego
Why do I have to know you?
I look in the mirror and see
Not merely my own reflection
But your face staring back at me.
Why do I have to care for you?
Countless times my heart has been broken
Your knifeblades of words cut me nearly as deep
As the thoughts that you leave unspoken.
Why do I have to believe you?
Why must my life consist
Of the promises broken and lies that you've told,
The scars that forever exist.
Why do I have to love you?
My feelings are coming undone.
Why, tell me why, must you be my father,
And why must I be your son?
Lucifer, the morning star, at the right hand of God himself; you have fallen from grace and have taken with you my faith and everything I know. I've walked in your footsteps and in your shadow for so long. I don't know of any other path, so I'll keep walking, and be damned myself.
 
beautiful. I feel exactly the same way except for like my mother. She's done so many stupid things and hurt me so many ways yet I look just like her and have several of her mannerisms, I can't change my face or the way I twirl my hair but I can try to walk my own path. You should try as well!
 
That was incredible Zjabo. I wish I could say I can relate to what you wrote, but I think it's not quite on the same level. Thanks for sharing that piece of you.
 
We had a poet all along... :)
I notice things I hate in other people, is somewhat a reflection of myself. The fact that you despise him now,means to me, that you don't want to be like that. You probably have equal frustration with yourself that you do in him.
You are loving and forgiving and understanding more than anything. Maybe somewhere in you, you can see, even if you don't forgive him-that no-one is made perfect and that our parents are in the same struggles of life that we are. If you talk shit about my run-on sentence I'll kick yo ass yo
Fathers are made out to be heros-mine is one to me too-but in reality, humanity is humanity. Loving your parents as people or human beings is something we can all probably learn. The fact you put so much heart into this, says a lot about you-I think :)
 
One of the few things I cant say to you in person. Alex - You are/ you're father. A creature of lust and passion. A creature of pleassure and of being.
Forgive him alex. He's only human. Just as you are. He isn't god, or zeus, or Yahweh. He;s just your dad.
I love you alex. And so does he. It's going to be alright.
 
My mother has this special gift, of creating events and photos in her mind that don't apply to the world around her or the actions of others. She then is a pro at reacting to these situations that she has created, and letting them guide her emotions and actions. We used to try to get her to take meds, but we eventually just let her be.
I have noticed over time that my mother has shared all of herself with me. And while it seems like mostly negative, I always appreciate the beautiful things that she offers. And all of the times that I fought against 'becoming my mother', I was really battling myself, scared of becoming who I truly wanted to be.
They give us everything Alex, we know them better than we know anyone else in the world. And as we grow, it is OUR CHOICE what we take from them and incorporate into ourselves. The rest is just another's experience. Take from it what you will, realize the paths that you don't want to take, and always smile, always know how loved you are. You're beautiful when you smile. :)
 
Alex, words cannot express how much I have grown to love and care about you in the last few months. I really do feel as if you are my older brother. When you are in pain and worry it makes me sad, but most of all it makes me realize that you are human too just like the rest of us. You are not some superman that comes through and makes everyone's life a little bit better, you are just a man who is one of the most giving and caring people in the entire world. Alex you know I am always here for you in your pain, and we all as your friends will never let you fall and become that man you don't want to be.
 
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