EverythingsEventual
Ex-Bluelighter
This isn't so much about writing style or talent, as it is about my emotions and some of the shit I went through when I was at school. My new cause is Need2Know, an anti-bullying campaign in the UK. Bullies made life hell for me and I want to raise awareness any way I can. Thanks for reading 
Need2Know
As a kid I suffered in silence and didn’t make the effort at school
Every morning when I woke up I was terrified to even go
Vicious words and mental cruelty waited at the high school gates
And the junior school gates and the nursery school gates
All of my life I’ve had this problem I guess
Cos I’m different, I’m sensitive, I’m not like the rest
When everyone else was watching the Bill and Beverly Hills
I was watching Red Dwarf and the Young Ones instead
Because of this I guess they thought it was ok to rip it out of me
To laugh at me, and point, and spit
Even the ones that also got bullied, my co-accused, they’d laugh
Because let’s face it, if you bully… you’re less likely to be bullied
So I kept my head in the sand and my nose in a book
Scared to even look up and smile at the world
Took my anger out on myself instead by hurting myself
When I was sad or scared I’d punch walls ‘til it was painful
Sometimes I’d even punch myself
My only crime being that I was eccentric and maybe a bit fat
Puppy fat like every other kid had, until they made me so unhappy
The puppy fat dropped off and I ate myself into darker depths
Maybe if I hid myself behind baggy clothes and dark make up
They’d leave me alone, just let me carry on reading my books
And sitting on the wall by myself writing poems and stories
Instead their hate for me grew stronger, who was I to question their lives
Make them wonder if perhaps, it was ok to be different
Forgetting that once upon a time, I had actually been popular
The one that wore the right clothes and listened to the right music
But still they didn’t like me because I didn’t conform
I didn’t look right in Levi’s and Adidas and Reebok and all that shit
So they locked me in a small, cramped cupboard
Knowing I was claustrophobic and prone to panic attacks
Being let out by one of the only nice guys in the school was humiliating
But not as humiliating as the time they stuck pins, vertically in my gym shoes
Or the time they read a love poem I wrote to someone they didn’t know
Pinned it up on the walls at the school for everyone to see
Spread vicious sexual rumours and lies about someone who really never
Even touched a man until she was 17 and then it was only to shut them up
And it was these same hypocritical people who knew this anyway
Being the ones who publicly, verbally flogged me for being a virgin
I’m 23 now and I’m pretty, and intelligent and I’m strong
But every day I remember something they said or that they did
Their voices still chant at the back of my head
“Guess what Jenny did, guess what Jenny is”
But they don’t even realise, that in their 2.4 children, Volvo estate lives
They’re missing out on the big fucking picture
Because they’re too scared to be outspoken and too scared to be themselves
Now their boyfriends chat me up and they themselves apologise for what they did
So I try not to hold that grudge because I know what I've escaped from...
As Irvine Welsh said…
“Fathell, Midlothian”…
Need2Know
As a kid I suffered in silence and didn’t make the effort at school
Every morning when I woke up I was terrified to even go
Vicious words and mental cruelty waited at the high school gates
And the junior school gates and the nursery school gates
All of my life I’ve had this problem I guess
Cos I’m different, I’m sensitive, I’m not like the rest
When everyone else was watching the Bill and Beverly Hills
I was watching Red Dwarf and the Young Ones instead
Because of this I guess they thought it was ok to rip it out of me
To laugh at me, and point, and spit
Even the ones that also got bullied, my co-accused, they’d laugh
Because let’s face it, if you bully… you’re less likely to be bullied
So I kept my head in the sand and my nose in a book
Scared to even look up and smile at the world
Took my anger out on myself instead by hurting myself
When I was sad or scared I’d punch walls ‘til it was painful
Sometimes I’d even punch myself
My only crime being that I was eccentric and maybe a bit fat
Puppy fat like every other kid had, until they made me so unhappy
The puppy fat dropped off and I ate myself into darker depths
Maybe if I hid myself behind baggy clothes and dark make up
They’d leave me alone, just let me carry on reading my books
And sitting on the wall by myself writing poems and stories
Instead their hate for me grew stronger, who was I to question their lives
Make them wonder if perhaps, it was ok to be different
Forgetting that once upon a time, I had actually been popular
The one that wore the right clothes and listened to the right music
But still they didn’t like me because I didn’t conform
I didn’t look right in Levi’s and Adidas and Reebok and all that shit
So they locked me in a small, cramped cupboard
Knowing I was claustrophobic and prone to panic attacks
Being let out by one of the only nice guys in the school was humiliating
But not as humiliating as the time they stuck pins, vertically in my gym shoes
Or the time they read a love poem I wrote to someone they didn’t know
Pinned it up on the walls at the school for everyone to see
Spread vicious sexual rumours and lies about someone who really never
Even touched a man until she was 17 and then it was only to shut them up
And it was these same hypocritical people who knew this anyway
Being the ones who publicly, verbally flogged me for being a virgin
I’m 23 now and I’m pretty, and intelligent and I’m strong
But every day I remember something they said or that they did
Their voices still chant at the back of my head
“Guess what Jenny did, guess what Jenny is”
But they don’t even realise, that in their 2.4 children, Volvo estate lives
They’re missing out on the big fucking picture
Because they’re too scared to be outspoken and too scared to be themselves
Now their boyfriends chat me up and they themselves apologise for what they did
So I try not to hold that grudge because I know what I've escaped from...
As Irvine Welsh said…
“Fathell, Midlothian”…
