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Fatal attraction in the bermuda triangle

T

the light flux

Greenlighter
Joined
Dec 20, 2012
Messages
3
My housemate is friends with a woman studying at our uni. Months back he invited her back to our shared house and it became evident that there might be a type of attraction - at least to me.
My housemate brought this same woman back with him last night. I had taken quite a bit of mescaline and had retreated to the warmth and safety of my room in order to simply revel in sensation as opposed to being inundated with it. The woman followed me in after a while accompanied by another lad who soon left leaving her and I alone door closed sat on my bed playing music.
We shared a joint together talked and all the while I think that some part of us was in contact. Im trying to figure out whether I should read anything into this. She said things that could be interpreted as being suggestive like referring to what she was wearing (miniskirt/tights) etc.
My housemate also likes her so I wonder whether I should just take a ste back. I can see her seesawing with indecision betwen he and I. Butch cassidy and sundance without the chaps.
I myself am probably going to meet her over the holidays as we both live in Great Barr. Should I make a move then or is there little evidence that there is any basis for action
 
Fortune favours the brave. Ask yourself how you will feel living with your current flatmate while the woman you love sleeps in another bed just a few rooms away? It isn't for you or your flat mate to decide, it is the girls who will chose who they want to be with. If you don't make a move you will always ask yourself, "What if?".

You have already lost one opportunity, don't let the next one slip away.
 
if you and roommate dig the same girl and both like her, don't fuck up your friendship with your roommate over some broad. I'd hate to live with someone who resented me over a female...
 
If you have no backup plan for places to live then you might really be screwing yourself over by pursuing this woman. If your roommate finds out and becomes volcanic you can prepare yourself for roommate hell for the forseeable future.

If you are just lusting after her, then get a grip. There are plenty of women out there to lust after. Don't let it affect your home life.

If you feel a genuine connection to this woman beyond simply wanting to get laid, then I would talk it over with her and make plans. Either way, if you pursue her your home life is surely doomed.
 
It does sound like she could be into you but I wouldn't risk your friendship with your housemate over this. He did 'see her first' and if you care about the guy I wouldn't make a move...maybe talk to him about it? See if he's really into her, he might not actually be all that interested - but I certainly wouldn't make a move unless you've asked for his permission first, so to speak.
 
He saw her first has first dibs so to be a good housemate and friend then don't do anything without discussing things with your friend. He might be fine with it. He might be madly in love with her. Or you could double the girl.
 
^There is no dibs - she's a fucking person.

I like your final statement though haha :D

Step back if you are a gentleman...and a pussy.

Dude seriously work your magic without making any conscious efforts to seduce her, and carry on business as usual, and let your friend do his best too - friendly sportsmanship that is, just make sure she don't get between you, and be the first to have a word if a bad vibe starts entering the equation.

SHe will choose who she wants.

Or like CK said Spitroast the lass.

Ask your mate where he is at in his feelings for her, and then ask if he wants to double team the cheeky lil minx.

Report back, with pictures/videos if possible.
 
Are you friends with him? How long are you two living in the same house for?
I mean, if you aren't good friends, and the lease is up in a couple months, I'd say go for it.
If you are friends and the lease isn't up for like a year, I'd say talk to him about it before doing anything.
 
B1tO'RoughJack said:
^There is no dibs - she's a fucking person.

I like your final statement though haha :D

Step back if you are a gentleman...and a pussy.

Dude seriously work your magic without making any conscious efforts to seduce her, and carry on business as usual, and let your friend do his best too - friendly sportsmanship that is, just make sure she don't get between you, and be the first to have a word if a bad vibe starts entering the equation.

SHe will choose who she wants.

Or like CK said Spitroast the lass.

Ask your mate where he is at in his feelings for her, and then ask if he wants to double team the cheeky lil minx.

Report back, with pictures/videos if possible.
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i agree with the whole- its her choice vibe. thats exactly the case

if both of you are into her but she picks you it will cause problems but in the end no-one can force her to be with him

whatever will be will be
 
True it's her choice.

It's also the males choice too if like to think. It's not like a woman can just choose who she mates with and the poor helpless man gets no say in it.

If it was my mate and he really liked her or whatever and didn't want me to get with her well I wouldn't.

If she didn't want him and rejected him and threw herself at me well yeah that's her choice but its damn well my fucking choice too and I would reject her as quickly as she rejected my mate.

See how that works???

She can have one of us but not both? That's her choice? She couldn't in that situation just CHOOSE to have me. She could choose to TRY to have me but I could choose to say I don't want you.

Oh and by making that clear from the outset I'd increase my mates chances with the girl and thus not just be honourable to my mate but help him out as well. Maybe I'm her first choice and he is her second. Well if he saw her first then he gets first dibs and I choose not to have her unless he says its ok.

Or you can pretend you have no choice in the matter and just blame the girl for your actions in betraying your mate.
I wouldn't do that to a mate but I guess plenty of guys will.
 
You do not have to be betraying your friend at all - it is called friendly competition, if you ask your friend what his feelings towards her are, as you are interested to.
"It's not like a woman can just choose who she mates with and the poor helpless man gets no say in it."
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- no? THis "helpless man" - dude is attracted to her too, but is wondering whether it's a good plan.

If he is interested(it appears he is from his post) and wishes to pursue, then if he is open and honest in dealing with the situation (using methods the way I stated above), then it is his friend's choice(dealing with emotions is always your choice, no one can force you to feel anything unless they have some kind of probe in your brain, or has telekinetic powers) whether he acts butthurt, but if he sees it as an opportunity for some friendly one-up-manship, which it is, then there shouldn't be any problems, if he too is as open and honest as his friend.

If I came up to a friend and laid my hand on teh table, my friend would more than likely appreciate my honesty and reciprocate - anything else, and that is not true friendship.

There is a rule that it is "bros before hoes" - this rule only should be applicable if you are in love with someone who is in love with you.

*If you are married to someone who doesn't love you, and the other guy is not your bro, your woman is fair game.

* If you just started seeing someone, and they are attracted to you and your friend when she meets him, then the woman is fair game for both parties - there is no need to step back, only wait for time to tell who she wants to be with.

* If you start seeing someone, fall in love, and know she loves you too, and your friend is attracted to her - THIS is where this rule comes into play - if he's your bro, then you don't try and bang that "ho"...

...but if she's attracted to you, and your friend, she is fair game for anyone - you cannot stake out ownership rights over a human interpersonal relationship.
 
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This happened to a friend of mine and his roommate. Lets just say for their friendship and living situation it did not turn out so well. My friend is still with the girl and they have a pretty good relationship going. Before the roommate/friend moved out the tension between the two of them was palpable and it was really awkward being in their house. Things could turn out just fine between the three of you.. Unfortunately in a situation like this one of the three will more than likely end up as collateral damage. Good luck.

Doubling up or running a train seems like your best option. = D
 
It's a mans choice to enter into a relationship.

If a friend introduced me to a girl and said look she's not mine yet but I want her shes going to be hanging out with us and I do not want to have to compete with you for her so please dont make a move on her then I would do the honourable thing and not steal off my friend or compete with him.
Calling dibs on a girl is male shorthand for the above request not to compete.

If I did compete anyway then this would mean I was willing to lose a friend just to take that friends girl. That in of itself would justify the friend not being my friend anymore not just for the betrayal but for the fact that I would betray.

This is not some imaginary bro code this is just normal caring friendship. How could competition for a girl be worth your friendship if your friendship is real?

If you were in love then tell the friend and he might feel less about her and give you the to ahead. Perhaps he is in love too? Regardless you must follow your friends wishes regarding girls he has made known his intention to get. Otherwise you're dishonourable and should lose your friend.

True no one can make you or your friend feel angry or anything else but claiming that excuses wrongdoing is cowardice. If you stole money from a friend instead of his love sure its your friends choice how he reacts but he would be JUSTIFIED in feeling agry. Understand that? If you steal his love or the girl he has called dibs on he would be JUSTIFUED in feeling hurt and angry and simply not being friends with you.

I would not be friends with anyone who did that to me. I would not do that to a friend.

Like I said some guys will do that to friends. These are the same people who then go and cheat in their romantic relationships as well just as they cheated their platonic relationships. Not the type of people I like to be around and you'll find yourself without friends really quickly especially when word gets around your a theif of others girls and others money or whatever.
 
Dude honestly if you like her then do your thing. Especially if you feel that she likes you more than him. Now if I were you, I would make it clear to her so that you can find out what her preference is. From there I would go by what she says. She likes him then move on with your life. Its its you then you are solid.
 
WHo called dibs? No one.

I would do the honourable thing myself if my friend said that to me.

Ultimately though, if I was attracted to someone, held back, then found out she was REALLY attracted to me, I would wait until they stopped seeing each other, and swoop in with the next week.


NSFW:
I never made a man's choice an issue, you did.

In your immature way, it is maybe your choice to lose a friend if we both compete - as I stated a FEW times - you enter into friendly competition if you are mutually honest and open from the start.

"Steal love" - listen to yourself BOYO! How old are you? Or are you mentally backwards? Please excuse me if you are, and I will excuse your naiveity and simplistic skewed perspective.

No justification and that analogy doesn't compare with this situation adequately.


For instance, I am a bit of a swordsman when I want, and my brother was umming and arring about seeing this girl romantically - they'd been out on a few dates but he a shy brer. After a while, I asked him if he was going to do anything about it, coz if not I'd like a go, if he wouldn't mind, as when I'd met her, she gave me the eye.

This spurned him on to go a bit further with her, before finding out she was pretty naive and scared of relationship outside her home country, which she would be returning to within the year.

Point is - he found out quicker, because of his shyness he was procrastinating, and entering into friendly competition not only speeds up the process, but the one-upmanship I was talking about is open and honest, because you have entered into a verbal contract of sorts. Like a wager.

Ultimately it is her choice who she picks. SO anyone involved getting butthurt is immature to think that it was his friend's fault - as men do not control women's feelings and emotions(or vice versa) - she is an autonomous being.

I have been in this situation a number of times with a few different friends - as long as you are honest and open about wanting to see the girl, and they're not in love, and she is definitely attracted, as long as you state your intentions, it is THE BEST MAN WINS - so no hard feelings, because you surrender your right to hard feelings if you don't state at the beginning of the competition that you actually liked her more than you originally admitted.
 
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B1tO'RoughJack said:
I would do the honourable thing myself if my friend said that to me.
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So essentially you agree with me.

Of course the OP should be open with the friend. Of course friendly competition between them is ok if they agree to do so between the two of them.

But if the friend says he does not want me to compete then it would be dishonorable to compete anyway.

What if your friend confided in you about a really great job he was applying to and hoping to get then you went and cut his grass by immediately applying for it and taking the job instead. Sure you could say friendly competition best man wins its after all the employers choice who to employ but the fact remains you STOLE that job opportunity from your friend (even if he would never have been chosen.)

Competing for a girl after a friend has asked you not to ie called dibs is the exact same thing.

I would never steal from a friend his job his belongings his relationship opportunities. If a friend stole from me I would not be his friend. It is JUSTIFIED butthurt because noone wants friends around them who undercut their life opportunities rather prefer friends who maximize the same.

I would be this for my friends I mean real true friends you could trust your life with and I know my friends would do the exact same for me. It is sad to think of people who dont have friends who would respect and show consideration for them in this way; these are simply not genuine friends.

As for dating a friends ex; well you have to weigh up whether that would hurt your friend or not, whether it would be worth that pain, how much you care about your friend versus getting your end off. Worse would be to do it so soon that it could be assumed the girl left the friend for you. Again talk you your friends and if they are ok with it then its ok. If they are not ok with it you have to consider what your friendship with them is worth.

Otherwise if you go around burning your friends stealing their life opportunities then you wont have friends for long. Also the treatment of a friend is an indicator of how you will treat a romantic partner. Cheat your friends you'll most liekly cheat your partner.

B1tO'RoughJack said:
WHo called dibs?
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You mean this:

"My housemate brought this same woman back with him last night."

"My housemate also likes her"

Kind of implied from the OP but I agree he needs to get a crystal clear situation briefing from his friend.
 
Comrade Kane said:
I would never steal from a friend his job his belongings his relationship opportunities. If a friend stole from me I would not be his friend..
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A woman is never the property of her man. I have many friends over my lifetime but the loves of my life are rare.
 
Howzat? said:
A woman is never the property of her man. I have many friends over my lifetime but the loves of my life are rare.
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Bit odd, I would of said your real mates are the ones you wana hang on to, whereas potential partners come and go...
 
StrutterGear said:
Bit odd, I would of said your real mates are the ones you wana hang on to, whereas potential partners come and go...
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Making friends is easy. You are able to have many flaws that friendship will over look. Many people go their whole ife without ever meeting "The One". I'd rather have one friend who I can fuck than a bunch of friends I have to hide from when I want to masturbate.
 
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