Opioids fast made loose

[helpingout]

here i am
13 days since i quit 7oh
technically this is my 14th day
and i just bought more 7
i dont even want to do it
well maybe i want to do it
i just dont want to lead the life i lead
its bullshit
fashionistas are in power
all the media i see is just bootlicker wet dreams
ai and flock cameras know more about me than i know about myself
scheduling is soon to arrive
i dont want to start itching to lapse
choose to use fent and die
im literally losing my mind
i feel like im being encased alive
wriggling upon a thousand pins
stuck through and through
trying to live a sober life
and im just so fucking alone
no girlfriend
family is distant from me
i have a home
i have my cats
i have my job
but everything just feels meaningless
i can barely afford to eat
the people i love are all moving away
or have moved away
theres nothing and no one anywhere for me
i am a failure
at least i can be a failure while being high
because i dont know what to do anymore
no path is the right path
nothing gets better

none of you are going to be able to tell
me why i use drugs or why im called back to using drugs over and over again despite so much misery

i dont even know why im posting
i guess its just a record of my struggle
i dont understand why i use drugs at all
i feel so fucking stupid