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Family problems....

M

_mistresspoppy_

Bluelighter
Joined
Dec 23, 2010
Messages
169
This has nothing to do with sex, but with family/relationships. Not sure if this is the right place or not, but here it goes...
Recently, a distant cousin I've never met got bone cancer. Hes only 12. My mother, whos never even met the kid, is freaking out and wants me to donate all of my art (I'm a painter) for a fundraiser. I would feel like a total shithead if I didn't, but im reluctant. and it's not a matter of being selfish. It's that I've never met this one kid, and I would rather donate money to a large charity that will benefit many people, or in my case, animals. Ever since I was a teenager, I wanted to hold an art auction to benefit the humane society and local no kill animal shelters. My mother NEVER supported my animal charities, so I feel a bit reluctant. She then offered me a very large sum of money for the art, Which made me feel like a total dick. I would like my art to go for a good cause, and I would donate it to a cause I believed in...not that I dont believe in kids with cancer, but my mother wants to raise hundreds of thousands of dollars for a single family. And the kids medical bills are being paid by the state. Am I the only person that sees this as a bit excessive? The whole situation is messed up, and I do feel bad for the kid, but the family doesn't even WANT to go public and hold fundraisers. So why should my mother, who lives 2,000 miles away and never even met them? I just want an outside opinion on the matter, im feeling kind of depressed and, well, like a total asshole, over the whole thing.
 
_mistresspoppy_ said:
...but my mother wants to raise hundreds of thousands of dollars for a single family. And the kids medical bills are being paid by the state. Am I the only person that sees this as a bit excessive? The whole situation is messed up, and I do feel bad for the kid, but the family doesn't even WANT to go public and hold fundraisers. So why should my mother, who lives 2,000 miles away and never even met them?
Click to expand...

Your mother's behaviour seems to have only one explanation: money laundering...
 
May I remind you some of the Ferengi rules of acquisition?

1.There's nothing wrong with charity ... as long as it winds up in your pocket.
2.Nothing is more important than health--except for your money.
3.Never allow family to stand in the way of opportunity.
4.Family and finances don't mix.
 
Memeito said:
Your mother's behaviour seems to have only one explanation: money laundering...
Click to expand...

Heh. I appreciate the humor, but in all seriousness, she actually thinks raising all of this money will actually save this kids life. She screamed "IM NOT GOING TO LET THIS LITTLE BOY DIE!" when I tried to out the situation in perspective for her. And the kids own parents don't even want to participate. I'm seriously concerned that she's going to sell her house or something crazy for this family.
My mother and I have always had a rocky relationship, though she doesn't realize it. She used to scream at me how id never amount to anything if I didn't make money, and now she wants me to give the last three years of my work up. Not that I oppose charity, it's just her hypocritical-ness that frustrates me endlessly.
And as for your second post, memeito... really? These are not my reasons at all. I'm not sure if that was a joke or not,,,
 
Memeito is a bit special, don't mind him.

Anyway, moving on. Your mother certainly sounds like she's being a bit irrational with all of this, especially considering that the child's parents do not want to be involved, she has never met them, and the state is covering the medical bills. It just doesn't sound logical at all?

You're in a tough spot unfortunately, but I think you need to stand your ground on this one. You cannot be railroaded into giving up all of your work like that, especially when it doesn't seem necessary.
 
I'd be tempted to explain, calmly, that as an aspiring professional artist you are not in a position to give up your entire body of work for ANYONE. You're simply not in a stage in your career where you can afford to do that. I'd suggest you donate one or two paintings, not your favourite ones. I'd suggest to your mum that with art fundraisers it's better to have the largest amount of artists involved because their family, friends and networks then come and spend money (I'm talking from experience). Your mum can then use this excess energy she seems to have by directing it into going around finding other artists to contribute, sorting a venue, doing promotional work etc. You can use this opportunity to make some contacts, and help her out a bit for the sake of your karma. But her current demands are irrational and bordering on the hysterical.
 
You should chat with her but in a very calm matter and tellher how you feel and try to make her understand.
 
lola said:
I'd be tempted to explain, calmly, that as an aspiring professional artist you are not in a position to give up your entire body of work for ANYONE. You're simply not in a stage in your career where you can afford to do that. I'd suggest you donate one or two paintings, not your favourite ones. I'd suggest to your mum that with art fundraisers it's better to have the largest amount of artists involved because their family, friends and networks then come and spend money (I'm talking from experience). Your mum can then use this excess energy she seems to have by directing it into going around finding other artists to contribute, sorting a venue, doing promotional work etc. You can use this opportunity to make some contacts, and help her out a bit for the sake of your karma. But her current demands are irrational and bordering on the hysterical.
Click to expand...

Great advice :)
I was going to suggest that too - donate a couple pieces but not all of them! Just a couple :) Maybe it will help a bit ... who knows ... and hopefully your mom will realize that you're still trying to help.
 
Memeito said:
May I remind you some of the Ferengi rules of acquisition?

1.There's nothing wrong with charity ... as long as it winds up in your pocket.
2.Nothing is more important than health--except for your money.
3.Never allow family to stand in the way of opportunity.
4.Family and finances don't mix.
Click to expand...

*claps* thats awsome
 
My fiancee and i are currently living with my mother until I finish college... One more year to go, she's destroying my relationship with my fiancee and wakes us up every night she comes home drunk. After I graduate, I would LOVE to live 2000 miles away from all this drama, but right now It's her family that lives far from us. And I did agree to donate a FEW paintings, now she wants to have a barbecue/art show/ wine sale and enlisted me without asking me first to prepare a mass serving of potato salad. My fiancee is totally against this madness, further straining his relationship with my mother. It's pure craziness. I appreciate all the suggestions and I plan on trying to give away just a few of my pieces. She's talked to a few venues, but Im starting to think shell forget all about this when she sobers up.
 
your mother sounds a bit crazy and a bit of an alcoholic. why does she keep bossing you around? if these people are so bothered then they would be in contact but they're not so there has to be an ulterior motive on your mother part.

just say no to her.

your problem is that you are under her roof and she wants to use that as collateral for controlling you directly or indirectly. if you are beginning as an artist selling your works would be detrimental, as selling prints of works you own is the way to begin.

is she bipolar?
 
your mom sounds like my gf's mom. If there is any issue to be dramatic about she goes completely overboard and crazy. I think it's about attention. My only suggestion is to move out, even taking a financial hit is better than being burdened with irrational craziness. especially if it's straining your relationship with your fiancee.
 
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