Familiar

I recognize this feeling. I've had minor occurrences of it since I got clean but this is much bigger.

Fucking depression.

I won't let it get me again.

I'm doing all the right things (I think) but I still feel like I'll never be good enough and its affecting my life.

Just going to ride it out and make every attempt to cause as little harm as possible (to myself and others).

Fuck it. I'm bigger than this negativity. I'm better than what I think I am.

There's just so fucking much work to do in the area of progress that its fucking overwhelming.

Again... fuck it. Things will work out in the end

 

as hard as it is, try to take it all one step at a time. it's easy to work yourself up when you think about all the work you need to do.

you can get through this. you have before and i have no doubt that you can again.

 

What is this 'good enough' that you speak of? How is it defined, and by whom?

You are wise beyond your years, and can arise above such things. You've done so before, and will do so again.

Also, o/t: I need to pick your brains about the meaning of shoelaces some time. Expect a PM when I'm not just about to head to bed.

 

This is off the wall, but I was wondering if you drink coffee or tea? Caffeine is a mood elevator and a few cups might cheer you up during the day. I'm not sure how you feel about caffeine considering that you are involved in AA.

 

Yeah, I dig coffee. I used to drink it a lot but abstained for a while due to quitting cigarettes and I heard that you actually will end up having more overall energy if you don't take caffeine (its debatable )

It does elevate my mood and there is relatively no 'come down' in regards to exacerbating depression.

The coffee at meetings is strong as fuck! Last night I was a jittery mess

I think I really need to work on self-acceptance. Once I get into self-loathing mode, i'm fucked for a decent period of time.

I dunno... there have been a lot of changes in my life in a the last five months (moved from PA to CO, quit cigarettes, got a girlfriend, got a job, lost the girlfriend, quit the job, quit cigarettes, etc)

fucking ebb and flow of life, I suppose. My petty shit still drags me down nonetheless

 

That's about all I can thinkof for dealing with depression. My gf is trying to deal with depression too. I'm sure you are already doing or have tried the other obvious things that can sometimes help . I think the short days (it gets dark at 3:30 pm or so now) are what triggered it this time.

Colorado... nice. I went mountain climbing there once and really enjoyed it. I'm sort of thinking about going back for a rafting trip there this summer.