CalmG
Bluelighter
Hey guys! This is about a really intense friendship dunno if this is the right fourm for it? This is going to be quite a long post but it might be interesting too if you find people with issues interesting, so maybe might be worth a read? Dunno. You might get to the end and wish you hadn't though. Would appreciate some neutral opinion on it though.
So for just over the last year I been working as a charity fundraiser on the phone. Absoultly loved it, the job got my confidence to a level it hasn't been at since I was 16 (23 now). Ended up making loads of great friends and was real popular at work, a stark contrast to the last 2 years where I have been a bit of a recluse and have been very depressed (spent most my time playing world of warcraft haha).
After about 8 months I befriend some guy at work. The first thing he says to me is ''Yeah where I'm from I've been attacked by gangs alot.... i deal with them kinda how you deal with these fundraising calls... get them on your side then they won't hurt you''. I think ''Wow that's an interesting thing to say if a bit strange'' but we end up becoming friends.
It goes really well to start with but then he starts behaving in a bizzare way that starts to really affect me. Can give examples. He would put his arm around you and if you don''t do it back straight away he'd almost shout at you ''Yeah just ignore it then!'', he tells you really minor secrets and is like ''you're the only person that knows so if you tell anyone else I'll trace it straight back to you and if you break my trust i won't forgive you''. Then later he'll say ''I thought I told you not to tell anyone that secret, Julie knows!'' and I'd be like ''What????' and he'd go ''haha i know you didn't tell her really'' almost as if to watch you squirm. He sees the tinyest thing you say as a massive attack on his character example - he descibes a mutual friend as ''flippant'', I say ''perhaps he was just having a bad day'' he replies really angrily 'I'm just sharing my feelings with my friends not bitching'' and then looks at me really angrily like I done something wrong.
He also goes from being completely normal to being really really mad angry in the space of about 8 seconds over nothing. When he is drunk he goes from being manically happy to looking llke he is about to cry in minute intervals. He criticises tiny things about you such as your attitude in such a way you think you've done something wrong. If someone crosses him (a girl at work rejected him) he completely switches his opinion from idolising them to hating them and starts chatting shit about them to everyone. He finds little reasons to not like someone such as ''they put on a front'' and then blows it up to be the biggest deal ever.
The entire time he has been undermining me he at the same time is saying stuff like ''We'lll be friends forever!'' ''I have so much time for you!'' ''Come travelling with me in Canada!''.
He also rants in your face in an absoultly manic way.
This behavior started to affect me so much I would literally dread having to see him at work and got to a point were I felt anxious around him constantly as he made me feel I could never say the right thing to him. I started to try to distance myself from him and he would say shit like ''Don't you wanna be my friend anymore?? Don't you wanna hang out with me??'' so I felt i had to spend time with him.
He is obsessed with whether people are actually his friends or not to the point where he has written songs with lyrics like ''You're not really my friendsssss!''.
Anyway, I go to a party with him and he says ''Calum I think you're distancing yourself from me!!'' I am on mandy and reply ''Yeah it's because my brain is trying to make me like you and I don't like it!'' (I am gay and this guy is absoultly gorgoeus he's been scouted to be a model like twice and I did fancy him a bit. I never liked him though but I did used to think about him alot mainly about how much I dreaded seeing him).
He's actually cool about it though, it's no problem.
A week later we're at a party and he tells me something I think he's only told one other person before -- he got sexually abused by a family friend as a child. It suddenly all fits into place his behavior. I think he has massive issues with trusting people.
At a 2nd party the following week he is there (by chance didn't arrange to meet him) and the minute I hug him I feel uncomfortable. I end up saying to him ''I think you're a really really good person but you are so intense!!'' he is like ''What????'' I keep telling him he's intense.
Few days later we talk about it and I say (thoughtlessly) ''I think you are really paranoid and I think you inflict it onto other people without meaning to, I think you smoke too much weed''. He goes apeshit and storms off angrily.
We kinda make up at a party a week later whilst on drugs and he says ''I won't forget you said that though...''.
I meet him somewhere else week later, we have another argument he says ''I can't be your friend there's something there''. Next morning I say we need to talk about it, he says ok but then later changes his mind and says there is nothing to talk about. I think ''But how can we be friends after he said that??'
At this point I am going mental, the reason being I have had this insecurity my whole life that I might be crazy. When I originally told the guy he was intense he replied ''Yeah well loads of people think that about you''. He knows I have this insecurity. I have been obsesseing about it big time to the point I have become a bit of a mess and am anxious around everyone. I therefore text the guy saying ''Sorry it's just I tried to let stuff you do go over my head but ended up snapping at you cos it got too much sorry!'.
After this he like starts acting like he absoultly hates me. He stares at me and looks either really angry or really hurt. He excludes me from conversations with our mutual friends. I spill his drugs at a party he happens to be at and he goes apreshit and calls me a fucking doofus and storms out, comes back in 5 minutes later and apologises for being so aggresive but says I have to give him money for it. I agree. Two days later I give him £5 as a friendly gesture he takes it and goes ''That'll teach you a lesson...'' in a really mean way. Anytime I try to talk to him he is just really mean to me. At this point I am so angry at him I send him a message on facebook saying ''if you're not sorry for how you have made me feel (refering to feeling anxious around everyone at this point) then I actually hate you''. Later I realise I can't work with someone who thinks I hate him so text ''Sorry there must of been feelings there I have mistook for strong friendship you are an amazing person I'm really sorry.''
At this point I am so low in confidence and so anxious around everyone I literally can't do my job anymore (you have to be really confident in phone jobs). I am so unhappy at this loss of confidence that has taken 7 years to build up that i start feeling suicidal. The whole time he says absoultly nothing nice to me, ignores me, won't speak to me.
I end up handing in my notice to leave, I tell him and he just smiles at me really smugly and won't say anything.
Then on Saturday I see him at a party. He is being nice the whole night and is initiating conversations with me then says out of the blue ''Sorry I feel uncomfortable talking to you''. I am so angry I hit him in the face and say ''you have been horrible to me and I think it's because there is something in yourself you don't like, I could ruin your life if I wanted to.''
So basically we've had this awful falling out and now he constantly undermines me and treats me like ****. The reasons I can think of he is being so mean to me 1) He feels vulnerable around me because I know he got abused as a child 2) he feels I massively switched on him after he told me that and have subsequently shown a lack of understanding by blaming it on weed 3) I said to him once ''I'm just trying to understand why you do these things!'' which he might not like 4) he thinks I have feelings toward him (I don't actually).
I don't really know what to do here. I'm leaving the job this friday tempted to message him on facebook something like ''I know you have massive issues but you can't let that impact on other people'.. He deals with his issues in such a way he makes you feel like you've done something wrong when you haven't, it's horrible. He has wrecked my confidence compeltly and made me feel like a bad person.
Thanks for reading if you did.
So for just over the last year I been working as a charity fundraiser on the phone. Absoultly loved it, the job got my confidence to a level it hasn't been at since I was 16 (23 now). Ended up making loads of great friends and was real popular at work, a stark contrast to the last 2 years where I have been a bit of a recluse and have been very depressed (spent most my time playing world of warcraft haha).
After about 8 months I befriend some guy at work. The first thing he says to me is ''Yeah where I'm from I've been attacked by gangs alot.... i deal with them kinda how you deal with these fundraising calls... get them on your side then they won't hurt you''. I think ''Wow that's an interesting thing to say if a bit strange'' but we end up becoming friends.
It goes really well to start with but then he starts behaving in a bizzare way that starts to really affect me. Can give examples. He would put his arm around you and if you don''t do it back straight away he'd almost shout at you ''Yeah just ignore it then!'', he tells you really minor secrets and is like ''you're the only person that knows so if you tell anyone else I'll trace it straight back to you and if you break my trust i won't forgive you''. Then later he'll say ''I thought I told you not to tell anyone that secret, Julie knows!'' and I'd be like ''What????' and he'd go ''haha i know you didn't tell her really'' almost as if to watch you squirm. He sees the tinyest thing you say as a massive attack on his character example - he descibes a mutual friend as ''flippant'', I say ''perhaps he was just having a bad day'' he replies really angrily 'I'm just sharing my feelings with my friends not bitching'' and then looks at me really angrily like I done something wrong.
He also goes from being completely normal to being really really mad angry in the space of about 8 seconds over nothing. When he is drunk he goes from being manically happy to looking llke he is about to cry in minute intervals. He criticises tiny things about you such as your attitude in such a way you think you've done something wrong. If someone crosses him (a girl at work rejected him) he completely switches his opinion from idolising them to hating them and starts chatting shit about them to everyone. He finds little reasons to not like someone such as ''they put on a front'' and then blows it up to be the biggest deal ever.
The entire time he has been undermining me he at the same time is saying stuff like ''We'lll be friends forever!'' ''I have so much time for you!'' ''Come travelling with me in Canada!''.
He also rants in your face in an absoultly manic way.
This behavior started to affect me so much I would literally dread having to see him at work and got to a point were I felt anxious around him constantly as he made me feel I could never say the right thing to him. I started to try to distance myself from him and he would say shit like ''Don't you wanna be my friend anymore?? Don't you wanna hang out with me??'' so I felt i had to spend time with him.
He is obsessed with whether people are actually his friends or not to the point where he has written songs with lyrics like ''You're not really my friendsssss!''.
Anyway, I go to a party with him and he says ''Calum I think you're distancing yourself from me!!'' I am on mandy and reply ''Yeah it's because my brain is trying to make me like you and I don't like it!'' (I am gay and this guy is absoultly gorgoeus he's been scouted to be a model like twice and I did fancy him a bit. I never liked him though but I did used to think about him alot mainly about how much I dreaded seeing him).
He's actually cool about it though, it's no problem.
A week later we're at a party and he tells me something I think he's only told one other person before -- he got sexually abused by a family friend as a child. It suddenly all fits into place his behavior. I think he has massive issues with trusting people.
At a 2nd party the following week he is there (by chance didn't arrange to meet him) and the minute I hug him I feel uncomfortable. I end up saying to him ''I think you're a really really good person but you are so intense!!'' he is like ''What????'' I keep telling him he's intense.
Few days later we talk about it and I say (thoughtlessly) ''I think you are really paranoid and I think you inflict it onto other people without meaning to, I think you smoke too much weed''. He goes apeshit and storms off angrily.
We kinda make up at a party a week later whilst on drugs and he says ''I won't forget you said that though...''.
I meet him somewhere else week later, we have another argument he says ''I can't be your friend there's something there''. Next morning I say we need to talk about it, he says ok but then later changes his mind and says there is nothing to talk about. I think ''But how can we be friends after he said that??'
At this point I am going mental, the reason being I have had this insecurity my whole life that I might be crazy. When I originally told the guy he was intense he replied ''Yeah well loads of people think that about you''. He knows I have this insecurity. I have been obsesseing about it big time to the point I have become a bit of a mess and am anxious around everyone. I therefore text the guy saying ''Sorry it's just I tried to let stuff you do go over my head but ended up snapping at you cos it got too much sorry!'.
After this he like starts acting like he absoultly hates me. He stares at me and looks either really angry or really hurt. He excludes me from conversations with our mutual friends. I spill his drugs at a party he happens to be at and he goes apreshit and calls me a fucking doofus and storms out, comes back in 5 minutes later and apologises for being so aggresive but says I have to give him money for it. I agree. Two days later I give him £5 as a friendly gesture he takes it and goes ''That'll teach you a lesson...'' in a really mean way. Anytime I try to talk to him he is just really mean to me. At this point I am so angry at him I send him a message on facebook saying ''if you're not sorry for how you have made me feel (refering to feeling anxious around everyone at this point) then I actually hate you''. Later I realise I can't work with someone who thinks I hate him so text ''Sorry there must of been feelings there I have mistook for strong friendship you are an amazing person I'm really sorry.''
At this point I am so low in confidence and so anxious around everyone I literally can't do my job anymore (you have to be really confident in phone jobs). I am so unhappy at this loss of confidence that has taken 7 years to build up that i start feeling suicidal. The whole time he says absoultly nothing nice to me, ignores me, won't speak to me.
I end up handing in my notice to leave, I tell him and he just smiles at me really smugly and won't say anything.
Then on Saturday I see him at a party. He is being nice the whole night and is initiating conversations with me then says out of the blue ''Sorry I feel uncomfortable talking to you''. I am so angry I hit him in the face and say ''you have been horrible to me and I think it's because there is something in yourself you don't like, I could ruin your life if I wanted to.''
So basically we've had this awful falling out and now he constantly undermines me and treats me like ****. The reasons I can think of he is being so mean to me 1) He feels vulnerable around me because I know he got abused as a child 2) he feels I massively switched on him after he told me that and have subsequently shown a lack of understanding by blaming it on weed 3) I said to him once ''I'm just trying to understand why you do these things!'' which he might not like 4) he thinks I have feelings toward him (I don't actually).
I don't really know what to do here. I'm leaving the job this friday tempted to message him on facebook something like ''I know you have massive issues but you can't let that impact on other people'.. He deals with his issues in such a way he makes you feel like you've done something wrong when you haven't, it's horrible. He has wrecked my confidence compeltly and made me feel like a bad person.
Thanks for reading if you did.
