they told me to be strong... that you are not worth it.
i crumbled... i fell apart. i was not strong.
i smashed all my pretty things, and let the glass cut me, over and over, not feeling any pain worse than the pain in my heart. the hole that i kicked in my wall, it can be fixed, but the hole that is the void where my heart used to be, no one can fix that.
lay on my floor, curled up in a ball, and the tears turn into sobs, into moans, into screams. my voice catched in my throat but the screams, they dont stop in my head. they crescendo. they pierce my ears and make me cringe.
my cats cry, (SHUT UP LEAVE ME ALONE), they see me weap on my floor, they walked around me, leaving red footprints everywhere.... walking in my blood, or maybe there's from where they pranced over the shards of glass.
seering pain races all through my frail body, sobs leave me breathless, i can do nothing but lay here and futilely pummel the ground with my bleeding fists. FUCK YOU
closure came in the most fucked up way. people are going to look back on last night and call me psychotic. they will walk quickly away when they see me coming. "There's the crazy girl" they will say. crazy girl laying on her living room floor screaming at no one, punching imaginary people.
shivers. i try to pull myself up, but i fall back to my knees, head in hands, heart shattered on the floor with pictures and glasses, plates, figurines, and a lamp. i fall to my knees and for the first time in a long time, i fold my hands and i pray, with tears in my eyes and nothing left of my pitiful life, i pray. i beg God to take away this agony, just long enough for me to breath.
but i do not find peace. my anger rages up and with a sudden burst of energy, i'm on my feet again, kicking furniture, slamming my fist into anything within reach, yelling like a lunatic. my body is weak -- havent eaten in days -- my world turns black and i fall once more, one final time, to the floor. the last of my tears slide off my cheeks and i lay there, eyes staring bleakly up at the ceiling. my shaking body wearily becomes still. a deep breath.
this isnt me this isnt me this isnt me
hurt... need a tissue... want my mom... MOTHER!... hold my cats cry cry cry no more pain i cant take any more of it there's your sock on the floor OH MY GOD I CANT DEAL WITH THIS ANYMORE kill you hate you someone make this agony stop smash my head off the floor cry scream SCREAM hold me someone hold me i'm falling apart i'm falling apart i've lost it
*sobs*
no more of this PLEASE i dont want to know anything else. i want to get ON with my life.. i used to have one. cant do it anymore. i've given up. let them stick the tubes in my arms, let them poke me with their needles and do their tests. let their shrinks talk to me. let them tie me down in the bed so i will stop kicking. let me tape my mouth shut so i can stop screaming.
but still cant stop the screams in my head....
------------------
E-girl
IM: tiggersgurl2067
*Choice, not chance, determines destiny*
"November is all I know."
i crumbled... i fell apart. i was not strong.
i smashed all my pretty things, and let the glass cut me, over and over, not feeling any pain worse than the pain in my heart. the hole that i kicked in my wall, it can be fixed, but the hole that is the void where my heart used to be, no one can fix that.
lay on my floor, curled up in a ball, and the tears turn into sobs, into moans, into screams. my voice catched in my throat but the screams, they dont stop in my head. they crescendo. they pierce my ears and make me cringe.
my cats cry, (SHUT UP LEAVE ME ALONE), they see me weap on my floor, they walked around me, leaving red footprints everywhere.... walking in my blood, or maybe there's from where they pranced over the shards of glass.
seering pain races all through my frail body, sobs leave me breathless, i can do nothing but lay here and futilely pummel the ground with my bleeding fists. FUCK YOU
closure came in the most fucked up way. people are going to look back on last night and call me psychotic. they will walk quickly away when they see me coming. "There's the crazy girl" they will say. crazy girl laying on her living room floor screaming at no one, punching imaginary people.
shivers. i try to pull myself up, but i fall back to my knees, head in hands, heart shattered on the floor with pictures and glasses, plates, figurines, and a lamp. i fall to my knees and for the first time in a long time, i fold my hands and i pray, with tears in my eyes and nothing left of my pitiful life, i pray. i beg God to take away this agony, just long enough for me to breath.
but i do not find peace. my anger rages up and with a sudden burst of energy, i'm on my feet again, kicking furniture, slamming my fist into anything within reach, yelling like a lunatic. my body is weak -- havent eaten in days -- my world turns black and i fall once more, one final time, to the floor. the last of my tears slide off my cheeks and i lay there, eyes staring bleakly up at the ceiling. my shaking body wearily becomes still. a deep breath.
this isnt me this isnt me this isnt me
hurt... need a tissue... want my mom... MOTHER!... hold my cats cry cry cry no more pain i cant take any more of it there's your sock on the floor OH MY GOD I CANT DEAL WITH THIS ANYMORE kill you hate you someone make this agony stop smash my head off the floor cry scream SCREAM hold me someone hold me i'm falling apart i'm falling apart i've lost it
*sobs*
no more of this PLEASE i dont want to know anything else. i want to get ON with my life.. i used to have one. cant do it anymore. i've given up. let them stick the tubes in my arms, let them poke me with their needles and do their tests. let their shrinks talk to me. let them tie me down in the bed so i will stop kicking. let me tape my mouth shut so i can stop screaming.
but still cant stop the screams in my head....
------------------
E-girl
IM: tiggersgurl2067
*Choice, not chance, determines destiny*
"November is all I know."
