fake friends bring on hard hurting emotions

[skuby dew]

I thought to myself today and had been for awhile until I came up w/ the guts to write this down.
I have always been a person who's always been up for tons of fun. But just awhile or few days ago it hit me really hard! People always seem to come off as a friend to me, but truly they aren't nor were they. Yeah I go hang out w/ them I do things w/ them but there not a friend.
I also realized that a friend is someone who doesn't take you to get cracked out just b/c they wanted to see you cracked out, a friend is someone who's gonna be like let's do it again!

But the wierd thing is it's when you ask to hang w/ them again it's like they come up w/ all these dam excues that you wish they wouldn't and just be straight forward w/ you, and be like hey I'm doing stuff w/ so and so. Don't make up bullshit reasons.I'm one person that always ask you to be straight forth w/ me.
The reason for this believing and thinking is b/c I don't have that many ppl I can trust. This has been a thing that has always happen to me. Why I don't know. I have very high self esteem for myself but when it comes to friends I have no one to really turn to.
I wish that I had a friend that I could be like hey guess what blah blah blah happen to me today. But it's not like that, it's more like the ppl who I hang w/ now I'm scared shitless to tell them hey guys I do E, b/c they'd be like your so cool now b/c you roll. yeah skuby good one. But for the ones I go raving w/ it's like you can tell when they give you a fake vibe like they care when you know they don't.
It piss me off when you try to give your heart or let someone into you heart. It hurts me more when they act like your one of there coolest friends, when they know deep down that your not. Why fake shit? I at one point in time use to never have a gulity lil voice in my head telling me that things were wrong, but now I do and in some ways I wished it leave but I think now it makes me feel more alive!
So as I try to end this w/ being happy

I say I'm the one you always kick 'em when there up and kick 'em when there down thanks for making me feel like shit!
skuby dew
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~*~Be true to yourself & you shall never fall.*AdRock!
~*~Big Ups VA/md/dc ~ I see yeah babies ShAkEn ThAt AsS

*skuby dew & groove armada
~*~Everything u want isn't everything u need Vertical Horizon
[This message has been edited by skuby dew (edited 28 April 2000).]

 

[Goddess]

Skuby dew - I will be glad to hear what happened to you today...("hey guess what blah blah blah happen to me today"). By e-mail though
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I have not failed. I've just found 10,000 ways that won't work

 

[ShelleBear]

Skuby,
I completely understand how you feel. Sometimes one doenst trust someone from past experiences. If youve been hurt in the past you unconsciously seperate yourself, maybe without even knowing it. At least thats what I realized that Ive done. I dont know you all that well, but Im a person who believes in true friendship, and true friendship consists of no lies. Once people lie and are fake you have a fake friendship. If you ever need to talk, please feel free to email me. Dont worry sweetie- as long as your true to yourself everything will work out

 

[eternalsunrise]

hey baby cakes!
i just got off im with you and decided to do a little checkin up on bluelight and i came across this. even though i've only known you for a very short time, i consider you a friend and it upsets me to see you in pain.

even though we all go through shit like this sometimes i don't want anyone i care about to feel like this, or much worse, go through this alone.
i hope you know that i got nothin but mad love and respect for ya always! i think we are more alike than we realize and i just wanted to let you know that i am always here if you need anything.
on a lighter note - we're goin out tonight - and damn it - we're goin tear that shit up!!!

*consider it a little practice for whistle* and don't forget, i'll be your mommy anytime you need one

(((((((((((skuby)))))))))))) big hug
*love and hugs*
eternally and always
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~our imagination flies; we are its shadow on the earth~
*vladimir nabokov*

 

[skuby dew]

thanks you guys. Ilove to hear warm things that make me feel like I can turn to someone w/ out getting dicked over thanks!

skuby dew
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~*~Be true to yourself & you shall never fall.*AdRock!
~*~Big Ups VA/md/dc ~ I see yeah babies ShAkEn ThAt AsS *skuby dew & groove armada
~*~Everything u want isn't everything u need Vertical Horizon

 

[skuby dew]

bump

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~*~Be true to yourself & you shall never fall.*AdRock!
~*~Big Ups VA/md/dc ~ I see yeah babies ShAkEn ThAt AsS *skuby dew & groove armada
~*~Everything u want isn't everything u need Vertical Horizon

 

[PiHKAL]

Skuby! I so enjoy it when ppl are straight up, even if its negative. Everyone who has lied to me is now on an ignore list, I just can't be bothered, y'know?
Peace..
PiHKAL

 

[skuby dew]

thank u that was so sweet. I feel the same way I'm so now realizing this shit more and more each day and it's making me a much stronger person. thanks for all the help . Much love always!
skuby
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~*~Be true to yourself & you shall never fall.*AdRock!
~*~Big Ups VA/md/dc ~ I see yeah babies ShAkEn ThAt AsS *skuby dew & groove armada
~*~Everything u want isn't everything u need Vertical Horizon

 

[XHEAD5]

I know exactally what you mean i know several people that i have known for many years and because of some of the drugs they are doing they dont care who they hurt in the process of getting there next high. It just makes me look back and realize how gullible i have been and how i can change they outcome of these experiences by just distanciing myself from people who i considered to be my closest friends because 90 percent of them would fuck me over in a heartbeat to be able to get there next high. About 3 months ago i learned a lesson about a couple of people who i thought were my friends. I had my house broken into by a person who said they were the only friend i had thet i could trust--guess i was wrong. Then when i find out that she did it i also found out that one of my friends that i have known for 10 years knew all along and didnt say anything to me --- i have some good friends. I am to the point know were i dont give a fuck what happens to anyone other than myself. Because every time i turn around someone else is fucking me up the ass. I just dont know how pwople can do this to people that they are supposed to be friends with.
Also whenever i have drugs it seems like i have friends that all of a suuden become your best friend. But the next day when the party is over everything is back to normal and i just sit back and think even more about why do i hang out with these people all they seem to do is fuck me over but when i need something it is like noone is around .
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[skuby dew]

Sorry to hear that sweetie.
Yeah just a few months ago I some what had something like that happen to me only thing was she broke into my house and stole my car keys. My car I wasn't suppose to be driving b/c it had a few problems, so my parents were driving to see if they knew what was wrong but anyway! I got blamed for taking it and the grl who I had been friends w/ who I basically did ever thing for her.
I took her places when her dad was unable to, I gave her money when her dad couldn't supply it to her. The stupid Bitch wreacked my car and could not even look me in the face nor did she say she was sorry I was pissed and I was in tears. I cry now b/c Of the fact of the matter that my parents thought it was me and I was falsely accussed by the Police. I also cry b/c it proves to me how ppl you give the most attention to when they need happen to screw you over the most. To this day I think that shit is fuct up. That something I won;t never forget b/c it still hurts oh soooooo bad!

skuby dewby dew!
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~*~Be true to yourself & you shall never fall.*AdRock!
~*~Big Ups VA/md/dc ~ I see yeah babies ShAkEn ThAt AsS *skuby dew & groove armada
~*~Everything u want isn't everything u need Vertical Horizon

 

[RaveAngel]

You don't know me....but I do know how you're feeling. I've trusted WAY too many people in my lifetime that I shouldn't have, so I do, unfortunately, know how it goes. But anyways, I always want more friends, so if ya ever wanna talk to someone new, you can IM me.... RavahBabe (that's my screenname) Any of yall can IM me! Everyone IM me!! Hehehe *smilies*
Ski
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"Shine on you crazy diamond....."

 

[skuby dew]

thanks raveangel I'll look for yeah on line sometime. If you want AIM 4 me @ lilSkubydew. Everything is all so true .
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~*~Be true to yourself & you shall never fall.*AdRock!
~*~Big Ups VA/md/dc ~ I see yeah babies ShAkEn ThAt AsS *skuby dew & groove armada
~*~Everything u want isn't everything u need Vertical Horizon

 

[feelinfine]

skuby dew.....WE LOVE YOU!! I am right there with you, I HATE when people are fake, I dont understand why so many people have a hard time being straight with people. One thing I myself have noticed is that on this site or any other people you meet at raves parties etc...that have something in "common" with you are all positive towards each other always. You never hear anything negative. And yet there are other people out there that think down about us because we party or do this and that but really they just dont know what a fun loving bunch we are!! It will be ok just listen to your instinct....I will go because I think i was rambling...e-mail me if you like

 

[skuby dew]

thnks i might just do that!
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~*~Be true to yourself & you shall never fall.*AdRock!
~*~Big Ups VA/md/dc ~ I see yeah babies ShAkEn ThAt AsS *skuby dew & groove armada
~*~Everything u want isn't everything u need Vertical Horizon

 

[ForAnAngel]

I dont know you at all and I have no right to accuse or judge you in any way. Everyone has been through the hardships of a dying friendship, its just a part of life. Everything happens for a reason. Personally I dont think that you should keep rolling a secret from your friends. Trust me, it will cause more damage than harm in the future if they find out another way. About these people that you are partying with or whatever, what makes you think that they are fake to you? Stop and think about why and ask yourself these questions.
Maybe they are feeling the same way as you are and this is there way of showing it? Maybe they are really not your friends and you should move on? Maybe you did something to upset them? I dont know Im just giving a few suggestions here.
What have you gained from rolling? If you believe that you might be in risk of losing a friendship that you consider speacial to you then maybe you need to stop and make a choice. Its not all ways easy but its the mature thing to do.
Try talking to your friends, keeping it bottled up inside and faking on them is just as wrong! That was one thing that always made me mad, when my good friends would never say what was bothering them, and acted like asses until I guessed what it was! That certainly is annoying. So maybe YOU need to be up front with your friends and stop faking yourself.
Hope everything works out and all that other crap, just dont bitch about the small things in life. Take advantage of it cause who knows you might not be here tomorrow. Im out
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Life is too short to be a bitch -ForAnAngel

 

[Cozma]

I'm extremely pleased that it's normal for people to have opposing opinions in life. I have a slightly different opinion than ForAnAngel. See, to me, rambling about these small things is a way to release a lot of tension. If I were to keep everything that bothered me inside, then I would probably be a pretty crappy person. I realize that YOU are the only one who can let others bother you, but I have not come across many people on this planet that don't let others aggitate them. So letting this out is a big benefit for yourself. And isn't that what part of life is--appreciating yourself, and your place in life. Well, whatever you feel, self-improvement should always be welcome.
Anyhow, I know how you feel completely Skuby. And even though I'm brand new here, I have almost read every single thing that has been posted by members, and acquired a real feel for each individual's personality. I am only a Junior in high school, and at age 17, I know I don't know everything in the world. But there is something I do know- High School Politics are a waste of time. See, when I was in 9th and 10th grade, I always used to worry about what everyone thought of me. I always wanted everyone to like me. But you know what? That was a complete failure. "You can always please some of the people, but not all of the people." I finally realized that you don't need to participate, and others can speak for you. What good can come of people speaking for you, and them not hearing your opinion? If they say something that you don't agree with and others don't like...they said it! Not you

Ner Ner Ner. Okay, so maybe I'm a little crazy, but just the fact that people race for popularity sucks. And as far as out of school friends for me, I only have one I really trust, and her and I can talk about anything under the sun, even if it's pointless and meaningless. I started really talking last August, even though I have known her about 2 years. And we just really clicked. And I never realized how much she meant to me until this weekend, because she went out of town. So when you find someone that wonderful, don't let them slip away. And if you ever need someone like that Skuby, I'm almost always available, and I'll be here a lot the next few weeks if you want to chat. Thanks for listening guys, Cya.
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. . . Coz . . .

 

[skuby dew]

I'm affarid to tell my best guy friend that I roll b/c he use to do weed. So he told me Skuby if you do anything as stupid as drugs, I'll kill you grl. He does not like it! But I feel as if it's my life and that I'm able to do what ever I want. So how do I tell him hey I roll!? He'd kill me and be like what the hell. I did tell one of my grls and she was not to pleased she sort of told me that she had to go and that she didn't know how to take it. I felt like I had screwed up. But then I thought your only young once so screw it! and if she was any kind of friend she would have stuck a round no matter what and not just given me that fake bull shit line.
I'm more and more feeling like I'm gonna tell my best guy friend I roll, and if he doesn't like it then oh well. I see it as now that I'm learning. That no matter what I choose to do in my life, he should still be my friend no matter what! We all make mistakes and learn. I see it as maybe I will learn and maybe I wont. But I'm learning if your a true friend you love me no matter waht I decided to do.!

skuby dew!
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Enjoy today b/c every second of today you get closer to tommorow.
It's not today that bothers me. What bothers me is the days to come, that today affected!
props to VA/md/dc
[This message has been edited by skuby dew (edited 08 May 2000).]