I am two people.
I am Facebook me, and I am Bluelight me.
In Facebook, I play games and talk to my kids. I post pics of my grandkids, my animals, awesome food I make, gorgeous sunrises, all the stuff that is close to me but outside of me.
In Bluelight, I discuss my fears. I read people's posts about the drugs I liked, the sex I liked, the depression I know too intimately, and the losses I feel personally. BL hosts my inner landscape.
In Facebook, my friends who have passed away have had all their Facebooks become memorials. Friends and loved ones post their grief on the dead person's wall. It is a huge deal. As I have mentioned before, I don't have very many fb friends. I used to have more... and every single one of the friends I had who died became fb pain for me. I mean, to see that face show up in my newsfeed because of an automatic game invite or some shit...
FB will become a memorial for everyone who has a FB account. Eventually my own wall will have posts of grief from those closest to me. I'm sorry to know that my own fb pic will make certain people cry when they see it after I am gone.
In Bluelight, some members have a thread announcing their passing. I don't know anyone here. I have met a few BL people but I'm sober. (I can't even smoke weed anymore because I am broke. I rarely go in the cannabis thread anyway because I thought the moderater sucked. Maybe it's different now.) I don't talk to the people I did drugs with except for one single human being... the person who told me about BL. It's highly unlikely that he nor anyone on BL will know when I am gone, or care. Probably most of the BL members who pass on are just gone and we might notice someone does not post anymore... but that's all.
When I look at my FB friend list, I see people I know and love.
When I look at my BL friend list, I see people who know stuff about me that I never ever want my FB people to know about me.
I have always been two people though. I have always kept a journal. Always. But that shit is private. My first diary is almost 50 years old and has a tiny lock on it. I knew when I made my first entry that I was two people. I was an only child my first 9 years and I had a lot of alone time so I wrote because there was no one to talk to. Pretty soon I realized that I wrote things I could not say.
All that has led to this. My FB me and my BL me. My FB me is my public self, my family self, my socially awkward but well meaning self. My BL self is a continuation of the little locked diary...
to be continued.
I am Facebook me, and I am Bluelight me.
In Facebook, I play games and talk to my kids. I post pics of my grandkids, my animals, awesome food I make, gorgeous sunrises, all the stuff that is close to me but outside of me.
In Bluelight, I discuss my fears. I read people's posts about the drugs I liked, the sex I liked, the depression I know too intimately, and the losses I feel personally. BL hosts my inner landscape.
In Facebook, my friends who have passed away have had all their Facebooks become memorials. Friends and loved ones post their grief on the dead person's wall. It is a huge deal. As I have mentioned before, I don't have very many fb friends. I used to have more... and every single one of the friends I had who died became fb pain for me. I mean, to see that face show up in my newsfeed because of an automatic game invite or some shit...
FB will become a memorial for everyone who has a FB account. Eventually my own wall will have posts of grief from those closest to me. I'm sorry to know that my own fb pic will make certain people cry when they see it after I am gone.
In Bluelight, some members have a thread announcing their passing. I don't know anyone here. I have met a few BL people but I'm sober. (I can't even smoke weed anymore because I am broke. I rarely go in the cannabis thread anyway because I thought the moderater sucked. Maybe it's different now.) I don't talk to the people I did drugs with except for one single human being... the person who told me about BL. It's highly unlikely that he nor anyone on BL will know when I am gone, or care. Probably most of the BL members who pass on are just gone and we might notice someone does not post anymore... but that's all.
When I look at my FB friend list, I see people I know and love.
When I look at my BL friend list, I see people who know stuff about me that I never ever want my FB people to know about me.
I have always been two people though. I have always kept a journal. Always. But that shit is private. My first diary is almost 50 years old and has a tiny lock on it. I knew when I made my first entry that I was two people. I was an only child my first 9 years and I had a lot of alone time so I wrote because there was no one to talk to. Pretty soon I realized that I wrote things I could not say.
All that has led to this. My FB me and my BL me. My FB me is my public self, my family self, my socially awkward but well meaning self. My BL self is a continuation of the little locked diary...
to be continued.
