Eye contact

[Kipo]

I always feel that way, it's like I never know where to look. Especially around hot women, then the whole eye contact thing gets about 10 times worse.

 

[dropthatpickle]

i think it interesting when if someone is driving, and talking to a passenger, they will often still attempt to make eye-contact -
"watch the road!"

Definitely! Me too, and I always stare straight ahead, while focusing hard and telepathically sending the hint command.

 

[muvolution]

with attractive women, it is simple - look at their eyes. always.

I was thinking about this today and one of my coworkers tends to not look people in the eyes, instead she just kinda gazes past you, but you can't tell most of the time. That might be a good thing to try.

 

[panic in paradise]

dropthatpickle:
Definitely! Me too, and I always stare straight ahead, while focusing hard and telepathically sending the hint command.

:-X

... i have been known to signal my right blinker - only to then turn left - or to not turn at all.

and so its no surprise especially when ever out at sea, to keep your sights fixed with the Nstar, and all direction will be seen in a true light.

 

[nuttynutskin]

with attractive women, it is simple - look at their eyes. always.

Have I ever been doing it wrong... All this time I thought you were supposed to stare at their tits and not really pay attention to what they're saying.

lol

 

[panic in paradise]

timing bro, gab the timing too...
;-p

tee-hee

 

[love2party]

Its hard for me to make eye contact with people when I'm in withdrawal, I get so depressed I really don't care what people have to tell me, I feel so amped that it's hard to focus on things, my eyes get all shifty.

 

[dropthatpickle]

I always feel that way, it's like I never know where to look. Especially around hot women, then the whole eye contact thing gets about 10 times worse.

I think you may be able to pick up and practice nonverbal cues from those you think are good communicators. Making good eye-contact is +/- dependent on their eye contact. Most people avoid eye-contact that lingers. I'd say, glance at her and look away (avoid looking shifty!) focus on various spaces in the vicinity, like off to the side and just above her head - you want to appear attentive but not overtly giving her the once over. With each glance, check to see if she responds in kind. Try to mimic her eye contact. It might end up being a fun sort of facial expression dance. And, under no circumstance should your gaze drop below the neck. Nobody wants to feel like a chop on display. Ever. Much luck!

 

[Asclepius]

Have I ever been doing it wrong... All this time I thought you were supposed to stare at their tits and not really pay attention to what they're saying.

lol

Bwahhaahhhha

 

[panic in paradise]

dropthatpickle:
Try to mimic her eye contact. It might end up being a fun sort of facial expression dance

haha yesss.
only, there is no backing down after this...or you are no it!
;-D

 

[dropthatpickle]

:-X

... i have been known to signal my right blinker - only to then turn left - or to not turn at all.

and so its no surprise especially when ever out at sea, to keep your sights fixed with the Nstar, and all direction will be seen in a true light.[/QU Yeaaah, no, I'd be afraid of pissing off the wrong guy with confusing directionals. You never can predict blinker rage. Also, I think force of habit may autopilot a turn in the blinker direction and then I'd probably get lost. What did you mean about the North Star?

 

[IAMWHY]

I have been told I am almost impossible to maintain eye contact with because my eyes are too intense, and that I have the ability to make someone feel like their soul is being examined with a fine tooth comb... which it probably is. I like to know who people really are.

I'm glad you notice this about yourself, some people don't and it's a sign they aren't invested in their own development as you are, so you should feel good about yourself that you even care to seek the reason out for your discomfort with eye contact. It's one of the first things they teach you in business school-- make eye contact to show you are confident in your self and your abilities.

Feeling like you want to squirm under someones gaze isn't unusual, especially if their opinion of you matters to you on some level and/or you have trust issues or if you are embarrassed about/keep secret certain parts of yourself that are difficult for you to work through personally. It's the subconscious's way of trying to protect the ego, in a way. But even though it's a natural effect of having insecurities, the next time you are noticing your difficulty with eye contact and you feel like squirming, think about the feeling of pushing past muscle exhaustion when you work out because applying that same focus to holding eye contact will give you a rush of exhilaration-- like masturbating in your work restroom-- it's the thrill of taking a risk. When speaking about eye contact, the thrill comes from the risk of feeling the energy and honesty of an intimate moment with another person. Make yourself steady your sight-- play a little game with yourself where you see how many things you can notice about the person's eyes. It's like the feeling of freefalling, or being on a rollercoaster, and your stomach feels like it's gonna float up and out of your mouth, but when you just inhale and let yourself be a part of the moment, you will notice every time you look at someone, you can't wait to see what's inside the pretty packaging.

I also use to have this very same problem, but I worked through it by doing this:

1. Get in front of a mirror. The bigger the better, but as long as you can see your own eyes clearly with as much light around as possible before it causes you to have to squint.
2. Get up close to your mirrored self and look yourself dead in the eye.
3. Do not break eye contact with yourself and focus your mind to think and say aloud only positive things about yourself--- things you have accomplished, situations you have made peace with, ways that you have helped others, even the smallest personal goals you have reached like remembering to brush your teeth everyday or getting a list made of all your to-do's cuz I know from experience for PTSD sufferers, the effort it takes to even think about responsibilities or brush your teeth can seem overwhelming. Basically, you're re-formatting the hard drive that is your mind to allow yourself the Christians/Catholics favorite thing to look down upon: the raw hedonistic indulgence of your qualities, your talents, your individual value and most importantly, Your Resiliency!
4. After you have given yourself this well-deserved piece of the self-actualization puzzle, you can let yourself feel the confidence multiply inside you-- regrowing new cells to repair the wounds which were once afflicted by self-doubt, but that are now unstoppable in capacity. %)

 

[IAMWHY]

I normally only make some eye contact, not a lot.

Don't overthink it, just do what feels natural. ​

What if the person misinterprets "what feels natural" for "what feels easy"...?

I think TAoW obviously identified this as something he doesn't like about himself, so "what feels natural" probably isn't an easy thing to identify, especially since the societal standards created by our government discourage us from dedicating time towards developing a strong sense of self or even discussing the idea of understanding ones "natural self."

It's a shame individuality is condemned by the Education system because it means most people won't inherently grasp the gravity and importance of understanding their own human nature. That's why we have to be proactive about being just as much our own therapist as a therapist for our friends, family, co-workers. The two are inseparably relative to eachother-- the more work we do studying our own thoughts, habits, actions, feelings, etc., means more comprehension and ability to help others understand themselves as well.

I am an eternal student of the Justice of the Universe, and because I know I earnestly seek to learn and grow continuously throughout my life, I do not have doubts in my abilities. Other people might, but I don't.

 

[hobhead]

What if the person misinterprets "what feels natural" for "what feels easy"...?

I think TAoW obviously identified this as something he doesn't like about himself, so "what feels natural" probably isn't an easy thing to identify, especially since the societal standards created by our government discourage us from dedicating time towards developing a strong sense of self or even discussing the idea of understanding ones "natural self."

It's a shame individuality is condemned by the Education system because it means most people won't inherently grasp the gravity and importance of understanding their own human nature. That's why we have to be proactive about being just as much our own therapist as a therapist for our friends, family, co-workers. The two are inseparably relative to eachother-- the more work we do studying our own thoughts, habits, actions, feelings, etc., means more comprehension and ability to help others understand themselves as well.

I am an eternal student of the Justice of the Universe, and because I know I earnestly seek to learn and grow continuously throughout my life, I do not have doubts in my abilities. Other people might, but I don't.

quit typing your pipe dreams and stop staring at your navel-this is the dark side you know?

 

[panic in paradise]

IAMWHY:
I have been told I am almost impossible to maintain eye contact with because my eyes are too intense

staring contest everyone???

What did you mean about the North Star?

simply, its an all encompassing guiding light, for many senses.
;-)

 

[Dave]

Hobhead-- if your only contribution to a thread is to cut someone else down without justification, then please don't bother posting in said thread. Consider this a gentle (and public-- it does not apply to only you) warning: play nice, or infractions are going to start getting handed out.

Besides, this is The Dark Side after all We're here to support each other, not cut each other down.

 

[nuttynutskin]

<ok, enough, take the humour to another forum, try and maintain some 'grown-up' answers and stick to the OP's question>

 

[tommy34]

I feel you mate. Being a social anxiety suffere myself I know where your coming from. Sometimes it's okay and sometimes talking to mates is almost impossible. I'm not sure of any way to combat it, other than benzos which I don't use. I think you can use a trick that sometimes works for me. Think of something that your good at, something that's really cool. I find it gives me a little confidence boost and keeps you from analyzing the situation too much. Be careful but, don't let your head fill the room.

 

[34-dihydroxyphen]

Coming out of a long term opiate habit is like entering the world for the first time again in some ways. Most opiate addicts I know (myself included, when I was there) spent as much time in isolation, away from people as possible. After 6 months to a year of very little contact with human beings other than dealers and other junkies that you were only dealing with in order to get high from in the first place, it is hard to readjust to living in social reality for a little while.

Give it some time, you will get used to being alive again. All the little things like eye contact and other social skills that we take for granted are magnified when you realize you've lost the ability to use them effectively. I promise you, this problem will work itself out.

 

[Wolfmans_BrothEr]

I think it's gotta do a lot with confidence. When I was on opiates I wasn't afraid of anythingggggg. Sure I'd look someone in the eye, I was so fucked up all the time I felt good doing anything