Extreme Paranoia, getting exponentially worse.

[ParanoidToHell]

Okay. I figured I would post here because of SOME relation to drugs as well as I find there are a lot of well informed people on this site.

I smoke marijuana on a daily basis because of a few medical conditions I have that cause me extreme pain. Opiate medications do not work on me so I have no choice (8mg of hydromorphone snorted on 0 tolerance, did nothing to get rid of the pain and did not intoxicate me whatsoever).

The earliest I can remember my paranoia was 7 or so years ago. That was the year I started walking home from school alone. Every 10 seconds I had to look behind me. Every second I walked without looking back I could feel something there, getting closer and closer, making my heart race and causing a fair amount of anxiety. This goes on for the next 7 years basically like this until a few months ago. By this time I had been smoking marijuana on a daily basis for about a year straight. Now, it is just getting worse. Slowly but surely. It started with me not being able to walk around at night (had to be on a bike, or a skateboard, with a knife). Now, I am at the point where at night time when I go into my room to sleep, I actually barricade my door shut, sleep with a knife in my bed (SO UNSAFE I KNOW PLEASE DONT TELL ME HOW UNSAFE THIS IS) and the phone handy at all times. It takes me hours to get to sleep (this is assuming I do, as I have many many sleepless nights). I just lay there, so afraid of what is outside of my door.

The paranoia is controlling my life. Every night I tell myself exactly whats outside my door. 2 big dogs that if anyone or anything that didnt belong in my house entered, on any level, from any door or window, they would react. I constantly try and rationalize the situation, I tell myself NONSTOP there is nothing to worry about, because I know there isn't, but the paranoia takes control.

As far as I know, the only family history of psychiatric disorders is Bipolar.

The waiting list to get on the waiting list (yes you read that right) to see a psychiatrist is 6 months. The actualy waiting list to see the psychiatrist is another 6-18months depending on various circumstances.

I need SOME insight as to whats going on, I need someone who can give me ANY tiny bit of useful advice to help ward these off, control it more, even just lessen the extent of it.

 

[amapola]

anon >>> TDS

 

[Dave]

It seems to me (someone who is not an expert) that you're experiencing more of a severe generalized anxiety than paranoia proper. The nature of your anxiety is that rather than being just a nebulous fear, your mind has built a bit of a story around it: that there is someone or something outside of your field of view that is out to get you. I think, and I could well be wrong here, that paranoia is a bit more specific. If you thought that the CIA was monitoring you via breakfast cereal, or that every person that you see is out to get you (rather than hypothetical people that you 'feel' must be there but you can't see) then that would be paranoia.

Something that you can try, while you're waiting to see someone for this (have you considered seeing a psychologist while you're waiting to see a psychiatrist?), consider practising some breathing exercises. You can start when you're barricaded in your room, so that you know that you're safe. Sit or lie comfortably, and close your eyes. Notice your breath. Don't change anything about it just yet; just observe it. Feel how your body expands when you breathe in , notice how long you hold your breath at the top, feel how your body contracts when you breathe out, and notice how long you hold your breath at the bottom. Keep paying attention to your breath, and gently ignore the other thoughts that are vying for your attention. Don't try to force them away; that doesn't work. Just focus on your breath, and when you notice that your mind has wandered just gently nudge it back to the breath. You're safe, remember? No need to think about the others right now.

In time, when you've gotten better at paying attention to your breath, you can try to deepen it. Breathe in slowly, first from your belly, then your lower ribs, your upper ribs, then the top of your chest. Hold your breath for a second or two at the top, then slowly exhale in the reverse direction. Try to find space in your side ribs and back for more breath. Keep watching it, and keep ignoring your other thoughts. They're like clouds drifting by: you notice them, but you don't try to hold on to them, just let them float by.

 

[suessmayr]

You need to stop smoking pot. MJ is notorious for making people anxious and paranoid. Just cut that shit out.

And why can't you see a psychologist? I seriously doubt that you need to wait 6-18 months to see a psychiatrist, no matter where you live. Just go somewhere else.

 

[Cyc]

Paranoia is to pot, what obesity is to Twinkies.

 

[chefin]

I have that problem right this sec. And the best thing that I've found to do is to just eat a xanex.

 

[suessmayr]

It is likely that a doctor would prescribe you a benzo like xanax for your paranoia, but I can't agree that you should simply begin to treat yourself as the above post suggests. It's irresponsible to expect to be able to make those sorts of decisions on your own, and we rely on doctors to have this sort of expertise.

Also, depending on what exactly you do by way of work or study, you may find that benzos are simply not an option. I'm a full-time Law student and I simply cannot use benzos, despite having access to them. I can't overstate this enough. It's not a matter of things becoming more difficult, but of things becoming downright impossible with benzos. I can't read a single page of text without forgetting it immediately. So yeah, don't self medicate with benzos.

 

[Black Octagon MK 2]

You need to stop smoking pot. MJ is notorious for making people anxious and paranoid.

Amen! I love Bluelight, but the number of cannabit smokers on here who choose to acknowledge this is really very high for a harm reduction site.

 

[suessmayr]

Yeah. People seem to think of pot as some magical, no-risk wonder herb, that you can use as much as you need to for practically anything. At the very least, if people find that this is true for them, they should have the maturity to realise that it won't necessarily be true of other people.

Every single person without exception that I've ever known who smoked pot on a daily basis has become totally withdrawn, anxious and paranoid. At least 2 of these people, despite being best friends of mine, I almost can't bear to hang around anymore because of the bullshit, childish arguments they start up about absolutely nothing and anything. "Why did you say that, man? What does that mean? Are you having a go at me?" Total paranoia.

 

[GBM]

I smoke marijuana on a daily basis because of a few medical conditions I have that cause me extreme pain. Opiate medications do not work on me so I have no choice (8mg of hydromorphone snorted on 0 tolerance, did nothing to get rid of the pain and did not intoxicate me whatsoever).

It sounds like they have no choice but to smoke pot. Its possible that whatever medical conditions he has, causes him to be unable to live life without treating it somehow. If 8mg of hydromorphone isn't doing the trick there must me some serious debilitating conditions. This is going to sound ridiculous but perhaps you could, almost scam I guess you can say, an addictions counselling centre. That way you'll be able to get into a psychiatrist a lot sooner.

Reccomending he stops smoking weed doesn't sound like harm reduction. I understand weed causes adverse mental side effects but for someone who is smoking it medicinally as apposed to recreationally likely doesn't have much of a choice but to smoke weed.

 

[Mkomn]

As a long time lurker your post pulled me out of the shadows because, if nothing else, I can assure you that you aren't alone.

I've gone through episodes (with varying frequency) of exactly what you are describing. It gets to the point where, lying awake in bed, my brain will provide noises of someone breaking down the front door. I've made my own barricades, slept with a weapon by my bedside, and spent more time than I care to count staring out of the gaps in the blinds watching for trouble that I know isn't really there.

It's good that you can rationalize the situation, as that puts you several steps ahead of many others in your place. The ONLY thing that I found helpful is to try and adopt a passive attitude towards the paranoia. Actively fighting it; i.e. trying to cast it out through logical thought at best does nothing, at worst makes the paranoia grow. At the risk of sounding controversial let the paranoid behaviors/ticks (as long as they don't threaten your health or the health of others) run their course. This may sound defeatist, but from a coping standpoint letting the paranoia "win" is, in my experience, the best way to deal with it, at least until you find a more long term solution.

I'm sorry that I don't have more to offer, as I really do feel for you and your situation. The only other thing I can suggest is to start reading / posting on Schizophrenia support forums as, and I'm in no way suggesting that you are or might be Schizophrenic, there will be many people on those sites who are experienced with paranoia and can perhaps offer deeper insights and/or coping methods.

I wish you the best of luck.