Moguta
Greenlighter
Had a pretty terrifying experience last night and just wanting to get some second opinions on it... I've posted before on this forum about being paranoid and irrational fears and stuff but this was a new level of intensity.. It's a little long winded but would appreciate it if you could read.
Last night I had a couple of mates around to smoke some pot listen to some music and whatnot. I have in the past had problems with being paranoid whilst high but I hadn't had any problem with it for a little while (and hadn't smoked any in a week and a half or so) so I thought I would be ok to have a low key sesh with only a couple of mates.
Right from the start I was picking up weird vibes from both of my mates - I thought one of them was being particularly agressive and mean to the other and he seemed to be getting more and more uncomfortable. Of course nothing eventually came of it and all was good but throughout most of the night I had a fast paced, internal, very negative and very paranoid monologue going on about everything that was being talked about and done.
Towards the end of the night my internal monologue concluded on the setence 'everyone around me is crazy'. As soon as I thought that I remembered that percieving those around you to be crazy whilst you are sane is a symptom of mental illnesses and with this logic trumping my thought pattern I was able to enjoy myself for a little while. There was no analytical thoughts and no misperceptions of the way people were interacting. However only a few minutes later I found myself laughing particularly hard at something and the thoughts came back, bringing a belief that my two friends had tricked me into laughing at their joke which of course had to be a spun lie for the sake of making me the butt of their private joke, or so I believed at the time. The internal paranoid thoughts returned with a vengeance as I felt that I had let my guard slip. However my mood and level of paranoia fluctuated significantly until they left. I would go from extreme paranoia (believing that a mate of mine who is fairly unstable was going to blow everyone at his party up on the 5th of november this year) to a reasonably calm state of mind where I still had the racing thoughts but didn't care too much for them.
My friends left shortly after and I thought at the time this was a good thing as I could go to bed and forget about my rapidly fluctuating and unstable moods. However I found it very difficult to sleep and the mood fluctuations were worsening. It was at this point that I had a few waves of auditory hallucinations, all after I had been in one of my calm states of mind for a few minutes. The first was a sound that I initially thought was a car driving off in the distance, sliding corners and such. However the sound went on for ages and when I concentrated on it to better make it out I realised it sounded almost like lots of voices incoherently whispering over each other. As soon as I realised this i sat bolt upright in panic scared to death and my heart rate was through the roof. The sound was gone but I had a strange feeling almost as though I was in a dream. I seriously considered going out to my mum and telling her that I had just quite clearly heard whispering but decided against it as I calmed down slolwly. After closing my eyes again and trying to drift off again I heard what sounded like a long deep sigh from the end of my bed. Terrified, I didn't move and tried to ignore it and it happened again only louder and apparently closer. At this point I became completely convinced I was having an unbelievably vivid nightmare and, in a complete panic, I curled up under my blanket and started telling myself to wake up over and over while calling for my mum as loud as I could. I haven't done that for at least 10 years..
She didn't hear but my heart rate eventually dropped and I found the courage to go into the lounge room and tell her what had been happening. She doesn't know in as much detail as this report but she's got the rough outline.. She gave me a couple of her temazepam pills to knock me out, we sat and talked for a bit and then she went to bed. I had one more panic attack before going to sleep as I zoned out while drifting off to the TV and then was brought into a wild panic again because I thought the voice of an ad on TV had said something which I thought was directed at me... ugh.
So Yeah - I'm not expecting to get a heap of responses to this as it's pretty long but if you've read through it then thanks. I have an appointment booked with my psychologist in the next week or two and I am deffinitely going to bring this all up.. Just want to know what the fuck last night was really as it's probably one of the scariest things I've ever experienced..
Last night I had a couple of mates around to smoke some pot listen to some music and whatnot. I have in the past had problems with being paranoid whilst high but I hadn't had any problem with it for a little while (and hadn't smoked any in a week and a half or so) so I thought I would be ok to have a low key sesh with only a couple of mates.
Right from the start I was picking up weird vibes from both of my mates - I thought one of them was being particularly agressive and mean to the other and he seemed to be getting more and more uncomfortable. Of course nothing eventually came of it and all was good but throughout most of the night I had a fast paced, internal, very negative and very paranoid monologue going on about everything that was being talked about and done.
Towards the end of the night my internal monologue concluded on the setence 'everyone around me is crazy'. As soon as I thought that I remembered that percieving those around you to be crazy whilst you are sane is a symptom of mental illnesses and with this logic trumping my thought pattern I was able to enjoy myself for a little while. There was no analytical thoughts and no misperceptions of the way people were interacting. However only a few minutes later I found myself laughing particularly hard at something and the thoughts came back, bringing a belief that my two friends had tricked me into laughing at their joke which of course had to be a spun lie for the sake of making me the butt of their private joke, or so I believed at the time. The internal paranoid thoughts returned with a vengeance as I felt that I had let my guard slip. However my mood and level of paranoia fluctuated significantly until they left. I would go from extreme paranoia (believing that a mate of mine who is fairly unstable was going to blow everyone at his party up on the 5th of november this year) to a reasonably calm state of mind where I still had the racing thoughts but didn't care too much for them.
My friends left shortly after and I thought at the time this was a good thing as I could go to bed and forget about my rapidly fluctuating and unstable moods. However I found it very difficult to sleep and the mood fluctuations were worsening. It was at this point that I had a few waves of auditory hallucinations, all after I had been in one of my calm states of mind for a few minutes. The first was a sound that I initially thought was a car driving off in the distance, sliding corners and such. However the sound went on for ages and when I concentrated on it to better make it out I realised it sounded almost like lots of voices incoherently whispering over each other. As soon as I realised this i sat bolt upright in panic scared to death and my heart rate was through the roof. The sound was gone but I had a strange feeling almost as though I was in a dream. I seriously considered going out to my mum and telling her that I had just quite clearly heard whispering but decided against it as I calmed down slolwly. After closing my eyes again and trying to drift off again I heard what sounded like a long deep sigh from the end of my bed. Terrified, I didn't move and tried to ignore it and it happened again only louder and apparently closer. At this point I became completely convinced I was having an unbelievably vivid nightmare and, in a complete panic, I curled up under my blanket and started telling myself to wake up over and over while calling for my mum as loud as I could. I haven't done that for at least 10 years..
She didn't hear but my heart rate eventually dropped and I found the courage to go into the lounge room and tell her what had been happening. She doesn't know in as much detail as this report but she's got the rough outline.. She gave me a couple of her temazepam pills to knock me out, we sat and talked for a bit and then she went to bed. I had one more panic attack before going to sleep as I zoned out while drifting off to the TV and then was brought into a wild panic again because I thought the voice of an ad on TV had said something which I thought was directed at me... ugh.
So Yeah - I'm not expecting to get a heap of responses to this as it's pretty long but if you've read through it then thanks. I have an appointment booked with my psychologist in the next week or two and I am deffinitely going to bring this all up.. Just want to know what the fuck last night was really as it's probably one of the scariest things I've ever experienced..
