Mental Health Extreme, crippling paranoia

[reita]

I've always had issues with paranoia, but recently it's gotten worse and worse.

I can't leave my room because I'm scared people are talking about me, spying on me, etc. When I do leave, I feel like everyone's eyes are on me, even though they're not. Every time people talk or whisper around me I hear little snippets of things and always interpret them to be about me. Even when people are laughing about some joke someone just told, in my mind, they're laughing at me and suddenly all my flaws and mistakes just become glaringly obvious.
I keep everything locked up because I'm worried people are going to go through and take my stuff, and I stash even the most innocent things in places that I myself forget just so other people won't get their hands on them.

Whenever, I do let my guard down, something HUGE happens, which just reinforces it.
For example, one time I went on a trip with a couple friends and the instructors from the stables where I ride, and I was completely oblivious to the fact that everyone there thought I was on heroin despite the fact I had been clean for months (I was falling asleep a lot, because I would go to sleep at 1am and wake up at 5 am without fail). The whole time they were talking behind my back about me and eventually the instructors told my parents I was on smack and DROVE ME HOME (5hr drive) in the middle of the night.

At first I had no clue what was going on and it was pretty traumatic. It was all cleared up with a drug test, and I wrote it off as just a case of friends being overly concerned. Then I started learning the details - one girl said she found syringes in my garbage, one girl said I had all these new track marks (I had one bruise from being in the ER, which I clearly explained). People were telling these drastic lies about me, ones that could potentially fuck up my life. I've had plenty of other experiences like this, not always relating to drugs, but it has really affected me. I have had trouble really trusting anyone, even people I'm related to.

It's really crippling and it goes without saying that being this paranoid has sparked quite a few relapses. Does anyone else suffer from paranoia and delusions, and if so what helps calm it down?
I had been prescribed Prozac but I stopped taking it because it did absolutely nothing for me.

 

[neversickanymore]

Hey Reita.. welcome to BL sorry you are going through this. As far as the people and the accusations and drug suspicion i would just brush it off. This happens all the time, try and look at this shit and laugh if off.. thats what i did. When ever the drug sherlock busy bodies started thier BS i would just look at them and laugh. allot of people need to get involved in shit like this as it makes them feel important and gives them a feeling of doing good. If you are clean and clean when shit like this happens then just smile and shake your head and keep doing all the good things you are doing. If I had a buck for every time a person half in the bag with a cocktail in hand, or snorting drugs told me what i needed to do as far as drugs I would have made allot of money back. Keep doing this for you and dont worry about all the gawking crazy birds that try and get involved.


As far as the paranoia.. I would return to a competent dr and be totally honest with them. To me these symptoms seem a little stronger than just social anxiety so you may need a different line of medications than SSRI's. How long of a shot did you give the prozac.. that is how many days in a row did you take it and what were the effects? Have you tried any other medications? Are you on any medications or supplements right now. Do you drink allot of cafine at this point. Do you ever take benidril and if so how do you feel on that?

Congratulations on getting and staying clean

 

[reita]

Thank you :3
I stayed with the Prozac for about a year, then I gave up on it. To be honest, most of the reason I stopped is because I was back into opiates and didn't want to deal with weird drug interactions. I haven't tried anything else at this point. I take Midol for cramps and such, but aside from that and the occasional Coke I'm not having very much caffeine. I take benedryl only when I have terrible allergies because it's impossible for me to function on it. It puts me to sleep and when I wake up there's a residual groggy feeling that lasts pretty much all day. D:

The only drugs that seem to put my anxiety at rest are opiates...:/

 

[neversickanymore]

When I would do coke my paranoia would increase significantly does this happen for you? Besides the groggy feelings did you notice any relief from the paranoia when you are on the benadryl. The reason I ask is that benadryl is actually an anti psychotic so i was wondering if it had any positive effect on this as it may help determine whats up.

Also how long have you been of the opiates? as coming off opiates can result in a pretty long increase of adrenalin.. this in turn can increase whatever emotion you are having.. so if you already have social anxiety this may increase this feeling.

What is the deal with worrying if people are going through your stuff and room.. is there something specific that you wouldn't want them to find?

A Lot of people experience good anxiety relief from opiates.. just sucks they total peoples lives

didn't mean to make you uncomfortable with all the questions.. just things to think about

 

[reita]

I meant Coke the soda; I probably should have clarified that. xD This is a drug forum after all!
When I do wake up from the benadryl, I notice that I don't care anywhere near as much about the little things as I do when I'm not on it, but I always assumed it was because I was too out of it to care about anything.

I was doing oxy in small doses until about a month ago, had to stop because I moved and I don't know where I can find it anymore. Probably for the best, but I haven't really felt like myself.

As for hiding things, I think it's just residual from living at home with my parents...I was always paranoid (as usual) that they'd go through my stuff and find all the little goodies (and by goodies I mean pills and baggies and such) I had set aside so I'd hide them in really weird places, even though I knew they probably wouldn't be doing a complete sweep of my room every day. I thought it was better to be safe than sorry! I'm not really hiding anything deep and dark right now, just stupid things. I just feel like my room is my private space, and if you're violating that then there's a high chance you're also violating my privacy in other ways.

I've always suspected that there's something worse than chronic depression and anxiety lurking around in my brain but I've tried my hardest to suppress and ignore it.

 

[neversickanymore]

Right on reita.. there are a couple of things.. here is a good link about PAWS.. I would take a look through this as you are most likely experiencing this to some degree and it also contains good information on things you may want to incorporate in your life if you aren't right now.. exercise, diet, meditation etc. Why We Don’t Get Better Immediately: Post-acute Withdrawal Syndrome (PAWS)

If this level of paranoia and anxiety is up quite a bit from where it usually is then I would consider giving it some time to get better and chill out as you are most likely experiencing a very heightened experience as you are coming of the opiates and this causes a heightened emotional and mood response. If it persists for a half year or so and doesn't get better i would see a psychiatrist and explore different medications. Given what your are saying about this it seems to me, AND I AM NOT A DR AND THIS IS NOT PROVIDED AS SUBSTITUTE FOR SOUND MEDICAL ADVISE, but it seems to me that this condition is more related to dopamine and not as much on serotonin so a mild anti psychotic may be something you may want to explore with a dr.

I would also seek counseling as anxiety especially social anxiety often responds to therapy with amazing results. I personally struggled and was medicated for over twenty years for social anxiety. I was able to cure my self by changing my thinking. I now take no medication and could publically speak in front of a stadium full of people with relatively little discomfort. Social anxiety is the need for approval of others. If you can identify what morals, The way YOU know YOU should act.. not how society, friends, parents ets say you should act but how YOU know YOU should act.. and identify your VALUES, what you know is important to YOU, not parents, friends, schools, etc.. So if you identify and accept and belive in the way YOU know YOU should act then you will no longer care or seek acceptance from others on your behavior. If you identify and accept whats important to you you will no longer care about the \opinions of others about what you think is important..

Some things you will receive relief from if you are able to do this.. you will no longer fell the pressure of all those eyes you percieve on you, you will no longer fell that crippling anxiety when you do something as simple as just walk or move around people you admire, you will no longer worry endlessly about stupid shit like having your hair perfect or only warine what you think other like.. you will no longer perceive that people are talking about you as you will no longer care if they are.. you will no longer feel that need to do things that aren't really important to you because someone said this was important or the way to correctly do life..

Learn to listen to, follow, and believe in your heart as its the only thing in the world that knows where you need to go and how you need to get there

I would also look at the the fear for people looking through you stuff. As you are now clean this is no longer a big worry so there is no reason to worry about it anymore. Now that you are a known drug addict I would relax and try and accept this fact. It is a powerful thing allot of the time to accept this.. It doesn't make us bad, weak, or undesirable people. I love addicts and have a special place in my heart for us. There is absolutely nothing you should be ashamed of in being a clean addict living a strong recovery. Guilt and shame are not not justified and only promote use. Here is a thread packed full of amazing drug users and addicts if you have your doubts > Who is your favorite drug addict(s) and/or user(s) of all time? < this is in drug culture so it may contain some triggers as the rules are different there. So please try and accept the fact that you are an addict... it shouldn't be your identity but its nothing to be ashamed of

Your an amazing person.. you just need to wrap ypu head around that

 

[bingey]

You sound like me. I have the same kind of thoughts. And they get worse when I use downers daily (heroin, benzos) or stimulants occasionaly. Only thing that reduces them is staying clean. I have never been diagnosed with schizofrenia but these thoughts can lead to psychotic behaviour in me (ie running away from "the enemies/cops/etc." , as in literally running , clutching weapons , suicidal behaviour ).

I noticed a lot of female junkies seem to get psychotic as they grow older although I don't know wheter this is to street-life/traumatic events (look up ptts-related psychosis , a new diagnose/disorder) or as a direct result of heroin/cocaine-abuse)

 

[reita]

Well I hope what I've got doesn't develop into full blown disconnection from reality...I've never been on the street (yet) and I can't think of anything seriously traumatizing like assault or what-have-you.