Hey guys
I'm wondering if anyone else suffers or has suffered from extreme anxiety to the same level as me. About 3 years ago I started abusing amphetamine and taking MDMA almost every other weekend. I was dosing about 30mg of amphetamine a day and by the end my MDMA tolerance had turned into 2x220mg pills to get a proper roll. Anyway, after redosing one time on amphetamine earlier than I normally would I suffered an insane panic attack sending my heart rate to 180 bpm which made me go to ER. Every time after that I tried stims, the result was the same and I tried MDMA once more which resulted in nasty come up panic followed by a weak roll. So I stopped altogether and have been sober for 2 and half years now but I've had severe anxiety symptoms pretty much all the time, I've seen loads of specialists and been diagnosed with:
- Mild heart arrhythmias (skipped beats)
- BFS with my muscles twitching and buzzing 24/7
- Panic disorder
- Generalised anxiety disorder
- High blood pressure as a result
And I'm only 24 years old. I have been to therapy for CBT which I did not find helpful because I can't identify many if any triggering thoughts, I've tried mindfulness, meditation, yoga, intense exercise with good diet, busy lifestyle. Only 2 things I have found that help SSRIs and benzos. I got into a bit of a spot with benzos lately but thankfully I escaped before it became a huge problem. The SSRIs help but make me depressed because I can't get an erection and lose all interest in girls and lose interest in hobbies as well as feeling difficulty focusing on work and generally cognitively not quite there. When I am off medication I am happier but the anxiety is so intense that I basically become housebound and curl into a ball wishing I was dead so that these waves of anxiety will just stop - it is like this pretty much all the time regardless of whats going on. Sometimes I do wonder if I have a brain tumor or something. Other times I wonder if my brain is permanently fried. I've really thought about just saying f it all and becoming an opiate addict or something because like this I simply could not hold down a job, have a relationship, do anything that I want to do in my life so what is the point?
Anyone else experienced this level of anxiety?
I'm wondering if anyone else suffers or has suffered from extreme anxiety to the same level as me. About 3 years ago I started abusing amphetamine and taking MDMA almost every other weekend. I was dosing about 30mg of amphetamine a day and by the end my MDMA tolerance had turned into 2x220mg pills to get a proper roll. Anyway, after redosing one time on amphetamine earlier than I normally would I suffered an insane panic attack sending my heart rate to 180 bpm which made me go to ER. Every time after that I tried stims, the result was the same and I tried MDMA once more which resulted in nasty come up panic followed by a weak roll. So I stopped altogether and have been sober for 2 and half years now but I've had severe anxiety symptoms pretty much all the time, I've seen loads of specialists and been diagnosed with:
- Mild heart arrhythmias (skipped beats)
- BFS with my muscles twitching and buzzing 24/7
- Panic disorder
- Generalised anxiety disorder
- High blood pressure as a result
And I'm only 24 years old. I have been to therapy for CBT which I did not find helpful because I can't identify many if any triggering thoughts, I've tried mindfulness, meditation, yoga, intense exercise with good diet, busy lifestyle. Only 2 things I have found that help SSRIs and benzos. I got into a bit of a spot with benzos lately but thankfully I escaped before it became a huge problem. The SSRIs help but make me depressed because I can't get an erection and lose all interest in girls and lose interest in hobbies as well as feeling difficulty focusing on work and generally cognitively not quite there. When I am off medication I am happier but the anxiety is so intense that I basically become housebound and curl into a ball wishing I was dead so that these waves of anxiety will just stop - it is like this pretty much all the time regardless of whats going on. Sometimes I do wonder if I have a brain tumor or something. Other times I wonder if my brain is permanently fried. I've really thought about just saying f it all and becoming an opiate addict or something because like this I simply could not hold down a job, have a relationship, do anything that I want to do in my life so what is the point?
Anyone else experienced this level of anxiety?
