TheLoveBandit
BL Emeritus
Preface - Been drinking all day, in DC (very unfamiliar place), then venturing out to explore both in the physical world and my own mental landscape of self definition an motivations.
+++++++++++++++++++++
Street musicians play 'Desperado'
Robbing people of spare change and a moment's consideration
... a smile, a thought of 'Thank God I'm not you'
... an absolution, if you will, for a small price
=========
Fat chumps chat
Barside banter is
irrelevant
irreverant
Cliffside conversations lost in the cascading cacophany
Clink of Crystal
Who am I kidding? Glass.
Another Round?
=========
Struggling to fit reality and experience (the world in front of me) to the world I can relate to, the world I understand...similar to Whippet Logic
My world is a total slant on reality,
not pleasant,
but mine
==========
The pursuit of the ethereal,
unreality...
I'm lost in that land and scared shitless.
Looking for a fingerhold on reality and finding those fingerholds painful to grasp
Easier to let go...
and that is scaring me more.
==========
Drugs - A way to seperate us from "reality"?
Perhaps.
A way to allow us to view "reality" in our own terms?
Perhaps. But, if so, it is a way to challenge us to define our own terms, not to live with what we are given.
========
Re-raise the reality question.
Personal? Or also incremental?
*Deeeep breath (like this helps make you sober...)
Is this the world I seek?
Why my curiosity of things (drugs
) is aroused?
Detatchment from the world everyone else sees?
Participates in?
Relates to?
Well, seriously, could I live in this world? NO.
Can't make a living there.
Only the sober work.
C'est la vie.
===========
Seeking REALITY, the balance between what we know/accept/plan for and that which we expect.
The world is not what you expect.
===========
The eternal quest for fitting past experience of the world to what you actually experience presently and wish the world to be.
ie - dropping pep-band bass-lines into what you want to hear. - Stereo MC's "I wanna go hi-gher"
The challenge is letting go enough of reality that you think you can find your way back.
The adrenaline is from thinking you won't.
The insanity, I suppose, is in believing you won't.
==========
The eternal search
between what is expected and what is experienced
and a way to handle (rationalize) the difference.
===========
Fingernails broken
Clawing back to reality
Is this where I want to be?
Do I have a choice?
=========
Keep saying that people look semi-familiar.
Like I almost know them.
I know who I thought (wish) they were.
That omnipresent wish to fit what I see (exprerience) into what I want/wish/know/am-comfortable-with.
=========
It used to be the balance between cool and dorky, gotta appear cool.
Now the difference is between functional and non-functional.
I suppose the future is between real and imagined.
Don't wanna go to that future, but
what is real?
what is imagined?
what is just a matter of perspective?
========
No sense of time
despite the watch on my wrist
despite the 100 other clues to the passage of time
I'm in my own world now
My mind is flowing (properly lubed - with substances)
My hand is cramping (properly tasked - with writing)
And my reality is elusive (properly evaded and blocked from returning)
=========
I wrote notes to myself on my hand earlier today - bills to pay, people to call, important things not to forget...
Taking the metro home,
Homeless man wanders by,
scribblings on his hand and
to me...it says home
===========
Thought (imagination) lubricated by alcohol.
The drinks of long ago, the mind still slip sliding along -
trying to fit experience into the digestable
comprehensible
realm of memory and comfort
The endless
fruitless
pursuit.
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
I'll close w/ a nod to Noodle and a promise for long discussions over a cold one (or several) someday...hopefully soon.
[ 18 March 2002: Message edited by: TheLoveBandit ]
+++++++++++++++++++++
Street musicians play 'Desperado'
Robbing people of spare change and a moment's consideration
... a smile, a thought of 'Thank God I'm not you'
... an absolution, if you will, for a small price
=========
Fat chumps chat
Barside banter is
irrelevant
irreverant
Cliffside conversations lost in the cascading cacophany
Clink of Crystal
Who am I kidding? Glass.
Another Round?
=========
Struggling to fit reality and experience (the world in front of me) to the world I can relate to, the world I understand...similar to Whippet Logic
My world is a total slant on reality,
not pleasant,
but mine
==========
The pursuit of the ethereal,
unreality...
I'm lost in that land and scared shitless.
Looking for a fingerhold on reality and finding those fingerholds painful to grasp
Easier to let go...
and that is scaring me more.
==========
Drugs - A way to seperate us from "reality"?
Perhaps.
A way to allow us to view "reality" in our own terms?
Perhaps. But, if so, it is a way to challenge us to define our own terms, not to live with what we are given.
========
Re-raise the reality question.
Personal? Or also incremental?
*Deeeep breath (like this helps make you sober...)
Is this the world I seek?
Why my curiosity of things (drugs
) is aroused?Detatchment from the world everyone else sees?
Participates in?
Relates to?
Well, seriously, could I live in this world? NO.
Can't make a living there.
Only the sober work.
C'est la vie.
===========
Seeking REALITY, the balance between what we know/accept/plan for and that which we expect.
The world is not what you expect.
===========
The eternal quest for fitting past experience of the world to what you actually experience presently and wish the world to be.
ie - dropping pep-band bass-lines into what you want to hear. - Stereo MC's "I wanna go hi-gher"
The challenge is letting go enough of reality that you think you can find your way back.
The adrenaline is from thinking you won't.
The insanity, I suppose, is in believing you won't.
==========
The eternal search
between what is expected and what is experienced
and a way to handle (rationalize) the difference.
===========
Fingernails broken
Clawing back to reality
Is this where I want to be?
Do I have a choice?
=========
Keep saying that people look semi-familiar.
Like I almost know them.
I know who I thought (wish) they were.
That omnipresent wish to fit what I see (exprerience) into what I want/wish/know/am-comfortable-with.
=========
It used to be the balance between cool and dorky, gotta appear cool.
Now the difference is between functional and non-functional.
I suppose the future is between real and imagined.
Don't wanna go to that future, but
what is real?
what is imagined?
what is just a matter of perspective?
========
No sense of time
despite the watch on my wrist
despite the 100 other clues to the passage of time
I'm in my own world now
My mind is flowing (properly lubed - with substances)
My hand is cramping (properly tasked - with writing)
And my reality is elusive (properly evaded and blocked from returning)
=========
I wrote notes to myself on my hand earlier today - bills to pay, people to call, important things not to forget...
Taking the metro home,
Homeless man wanders by,
scribblings on his hand and
to me...it says home
===========
Thought (imagination) lubricated by alcohol.
The drinks of long ago, the mind still slip sliding along -
trying to fit experience into the digestable
comprehensible
realm of memory and comfort
The endless
fruitless
pursuit.
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
I'll close w/ a nod to Noodle and a promise for long discussions over a cold one (or several) someday...hopefully soon.
[ 18 March 2002: Message edited by: TheLoveBandit ]
