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Exploring sexuality with someone almost twice my age

  • Thread starter Thread starter Anonamous
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Anonamous

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So here's the scoop. I have known this girl for almost 3 years now. We have been close friends for quite a while. Iam 20 she is 36. There has always been flirting and what not throughout that time. It wasnt until about 7 months ago when she was going to leave for a long time, possible forever, to europe to do a phd program that anything physical happened between us.

I had never had sex at this time. I had been intimate, but never sex with other girls my age. I have an anxiety disorder and sex is one area that is difficult for me to not get extremely anxious over. As we were close friends for some time she knew this and was sympathetic and willing to help me overcome this anxiety. Something that other girls my age had never wanted to do with me, i guess i was too much of a burden to them. We fooled around a couple times here and there, but did not have sex. The night before she was leaving i went to her place and we ended up having sex. She did not know i was a virgin. So we slept together, she left.

4 or 5 months down the line things were not going well where she was and decided to return home. I was a little nervous about this, as through the time she left i had gone from sad to accepting that is was just a one time thing that i could chalk up to losing it. Anyway, she returned and it was a little awkard for a while, but after a bit we became close again. We have not been intimate since, but we do have an emotional connection.

She is really the only girl (or woman rather haha) that i have ever been interested in. I guess im pretty mature for my age when it comes to intelligence and just how i act, and find most girls my age to be quite juvenile, which is a turn off for myself. As well as being totally worried about opening up about my mental health and past. Nor have i been able to be so open and honest about myself with someone and have them accept me. I can tell she cares about me and i about her.

My question is what should i do. I want to be intimate with her as i think it could really help me gain confidence in this area of my life and help me a lot down the road. The thing is though that i feel i would be setting myself up to get hurt as such an age difference is bound to have problems. Im not interested in a relationship really, but rather share myself intimately with someone i care about and cares about me, i just want to make sure that i dont create more problems for myself than good things.

Is it too complicated a situation to be intimate and experience something i have never really felt before? It takes a lot for me to feel comfortable with people and i feel like as if dont act now, it might be a while before i find someone who accepts me again.

Thanks for reading :)
 
I'm not sure you're setting yourself to get hurt. Maybe she is the one who's got more to lose, because if she falls for you, you're likely to move on after you've gained confidence and leave her behind (you might not think so now, but with say 3 years of sexual experience and a bit of growing up under your belt you'll be feeling differently).

I think it could be great for you to do more sexual exploration with her, but I also think you need to be honest and tell her that a. you were a virgin when you had sex and b. you'd like to take this journey of sexual self-discovery with her. Make it clear you don't want to marry her or anything. Quite a lot of mature women would find this really exciting, just like a lot of older guys would be very keen to help a young woman lose her virginity and discover herself sexually. Through doing something like this, a sexually experienced person can re-live those early days of excitement and exploration without cynicism and world-weariness, which can be a major turn-on!
 
Anonamous said:
The thing is though that i feel i would be setting myself up to get hurt as such an age difference is bound to have problems.
Click to expand...

Im not interested in a relationship really
Click to expand...

These statements usually don't go together. I think that as long as you aren't looking for a relationship with this Woman, and as long as neither of you become too attached, the chances of you getting hurt simply because of complications due to age difference is pretty small.

Older Woman are leagues ahead of girls your age when it comes to knowing what they want in situations like this. She probably sees this for exactly what it is, and as long you do too there shouldn't be any problems.
 
I think if she is willing to help you and takes your inexperience into consideration, she will help make you feel alot more confident in bed and with women down the track. It always helps to have someone who can help mould you into someone who isn't as shy and has some good moves that will help you woo other ladies.
 
She most probably knows that you arnt going to have a "relationship" with her man. I say just share yourself with her and her with you. Get out when it gets weird, if it gets weird! :P I have sex with older women quite often and I am 22 too. Oldest I ever did was 45!
 
Go for it but don't get too emotionally attached if you know what I mean. You're in different stages in life and IME it's different for an older woman or man going for a person of the opposite gender than it is for two men.
 
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