kittenmittenz
Greenlighter
- Joined
- Apr 5, 2018
- Messages
- 6
So I'll provide a brief backstory... I'm a 23 y.o female who's struggled with (primarily) an Adderall addiction, off & on, for the past 6 years. I was first prescribed them in high school because I was depressed/anxious and my psych thought it was a good idea to give me both Vyvanse and Xanax, which really got the ball rolling for me. It def pulled me out of my depression because I'd take like 6 30mg Vyvanse per day & then a 2mg Xanax to force my brain to sleep after 2 days or so. Benzos & stims are the perfect combination because they prevent you from feeling any of the negative "cracked-out" feelings from overloading your system w Adderall, imo. Eventually, I couldn't sleep without at least half a xanny bar (even without taking coke/addy during the day) and became so paranoid/panicky/unfunctional that I admitted myself to rehab at 20.
I stayed clean for about 3 months but then went back to doing "calmer" drugs, like drinking, smoking bud, doing the occasional line of blow, etc. Adderall wasn't much of a problem for awhile because I couldn't afford more than 6-8 of the pills in college bc they were so damn expensive.
About 10 months ago, I began seeing a new psychiatrist and got my hands on both an IR adderall & klonopin prescription, getting 60 20mg addys per month and 30 0.5 mg kpins per month (with the thought that I'd only use the adderall as a study tool during my last semester of college). Now I've BEEN graduated, and I keep using despite the negative consequences it has on my relationship & professional life.
I've gone back to taking at least 90 mg of adderall per day, about 3 times per week, using crazy doses of klonopin to get me to sleep at night. My boyfriend hates me when I'm on the drugs (and i dont blame him, I'm like a cracked-out robot devoid of any real emotion), AND I recently quit my job as a counselor bc I felt like a total hypocrite. I barely leave the apartment now whether i'm on adderall or not, and when I'm not, I sleep for 14+ hours per day and spend the rest of the day in bed. I get SO moody and depressed when I don't take the pills, so much so that I've broken vases/glasses/etc while my boyfriend & I are fighting because I literally can't control my rage. He says he'll leave me if I don't get my shit together. I also had a recent visit to the ER where they told me I have an abnormal heartbeat and I'm a little underweight, so it's affecting me physically as well.
Has anyone else experienced crazy bouts of rage/extreme depression when trying to quit adderall?? I don't experience that when I'm on it. & given my history, how long does it usually take for someone to get their motivation back? Like to actually want to go out in the world and do something they enjoy rather than just laying in bed?
Any tips/experiences would be greatly appreciated. Adderall cessation sucks.
I stayed clean for about 3 months but then went back to doing "calmer" drugs, like drinking, smoking bud, doing the occasional line of blow, etc. Adderall wasn't much of a problem for awhile because I couldn't afford more than 6-8 of the pills in college bc they were so damn expensive.
About 10 months ago, I began seeing a new psychiatrist and got my hands on both an IR adderall & klonopin prescription, getting 60 20mg addys per month and 30 0.5 mg kpins per month (with the thought that I'd only use the adderall as a study tool during my last semester of college). Now I've BEEN graduated, and I keep using despite the negative consequences it has on my relationship & professional life.
I've gone back to taking at least 90 mg of adderall per day, about 3 times per week, using crazy doses of klonopin to get me to sleep at night. My boyfriend hates me when I'm on the drugs (and i dont blame him, I'm like a cracked-out robot devoid of any real emotion), AND I recently quit my job as a counselor bc I felt like a total hypocrite. I barely leave the apartment now whether i'm on adderall or not, and when I'm not, I sleep for 14+ hours per day and spend the rest of the day in bed. I get SO moody and depressed when I don't take the pills, so much so that I've broken vases/glasses/etc while my boyfriend & I are fighting because I literally can't control my rage. He says he'll leave me if I don't get my shit together. I also had a recent visit to the ER where they told me I have an abnormal heartbeat and I'm a little underweight, so it's affecting me physically as well.
Has anyone else experienced crazy bouts of rage/extreme depression when trying to quit adderall?? I don't experience that when I'm on it. & given my history, how long does it usually take for someone to get their motivation back? Like to actually want to go out in the world and do something they enjoy rather than just laying in bed?
Any tips/experiences would be greatly appreciated. Adderall cessation sucks.
I threw out the bottle and future scripts and made an appointment to see a psychiatrist specializing in addiction. This is my fifth day clean from amphetamines and I still feel dazed and out of it, but I'm eating more and today I'm going to a yoga class. I still use Kratom and prescribed Klonopin/Gabapentin/Trazodone, but nothing was so negatively affecting my life like Adderall was. One step at a time.