My life has been on fast-forward.
Sometimes i just have to stop myself in my tracks,
and wonder where time went.
While i was busying myself with useless knowledge,
And breaking dishes in frustration;
flashing that big fake smile at my customers,
and drowning in the eyes of the boy i adore...
i got lost in these moments,
and time mercilessly swept by,
not giving me a chance to take it all in.
My life is this big datebook,
And i've pencilled in so many things
That the pages are just scribbles
And the words all meld into one big thing
That i don't have time to do today.
And then there's this one date,
A week or so from now,
That puts it all back in focus,
And catches me to stop once more in my tracks.
It will be over a year since I saw his face.
The reminder started out as a nonchalant email...
"How have you been?"
It seems like no matter how long its been,
We can always just pick back up at that line,
As if months never elapsed.
As if the past, never happened quite as it did.
And i have a million things to tell him,
I can't type it all out fast enough.
And he asks to be pencilled in, once more.
How many times have I done this?
Erased everything on that page,
And pencilled him in,
And how many of those times,
Was it all for nothing?
How many times did I put aside everything else
And wait up all night,
For someone who was never going to come?
But there you are,
Pencilled into my life once more,
Without hesitation.
Everything pushed aside.
Because after all, I'm you're biggest fan
Even when I wasn't good enough to come see you
All those times,
All those sleepless Friday nights;
I was still your biggest fan, from afar.
I was the one who always believed you would make it....
It was you who didn't try...
But I still had faith that someday you'd get your dreams.
And life on pause, I stop to look at myself,
And realize that for the first time in so long,
I'm OK...
And maybe being in the same room with you
For even a moment,
Will distrupt that.
It was always that way...
Why should anything be different now?
We take such risks in life to be happy.
Sometimes we give and give and give...
and never get anything in return but heartache.
I dont think the glue on my heart can hold out
Another heartbreak like that...
Another letdown.
Or maybe just seeing you again,
After all this time,
Will tear me apart more than i'm willing to admit.
You expect me to be there
And me, i expect everything to return to normal afterwards...
Can it really be that black and white?
Or will you not even show,
Or will I feel like i did a year ago,
Holding my heart in my hands
Letting tears held back slip down my cheeks
Into the sand
Will you someday realize what you've given up?
Because for every time i pencil you in,
I lose a piece of my dignity.
Someday i hope you will give some of it back to me...
Just don't expect me to look at you the same
Because I'm not the same...
I'm so much better now that you're just a memory
And even though i'll pencil you in,
Just one last time...
Don't get your expectations too high
That i will actually keep my promise.
Sometimes i just have to stop myself in my tracks,
and wonder where time went.
While i was busying myself with useless knowledge,
And breaking dishes in frustration;
flashing that big fake smile at my customers,
and drowning in the eyes of the boy i adore...
i got lost in these moments,
and time mercilessly swept by,
not giving me a chance to take it all in.
My life is this big datebook,
And i've pencilled in so many things
That the pages are just scribbles
And the words all meld into one big thing
That i don't have time to do today.
And then there's this one date,
A week or so from now,
That puts it all back in focus,
And catches me to stop once more in my tracks.
It will be over a year since I saw his face.
The reminder started out as a nonchalant email...
"How have you been?"
It seems like no matter how long its been,
We can always just pick back up at that line,
As if months never elapsed.
As if the past, never happened quite as it did.
And i have a million things to tell him,
I can't type it all out fast enough.
And he asks to be pencilled in, once more.
How many times have I done this?
Erased everything on that page,
And pencilled him in,
And how many of those times,
Was it all for nothing?
How many times did I put aside everything else
And wait up all night,
For someone who was never going to come?
But there you are,
Pencilled into my life once more,
Without hesitation.
Everything pushed aside.
Because after all, I'm you're biggest fan
Even when I wasn't good enough to come see you
All those times,
All those sleepless Friday nights;
I was still your biggest fan, from afar.
I was the one who always believed you would make it....
It was you who didn't try...
But I still had faith that someday you'd get your dreams.
And life on pause, I stop to look at myself,
And realize that for the first time in so long,
I'm OK...
And maybe being in the same room with you
For even a moment,
Will distrupt that.
It was always that way...
Why should anything be different now?
We take such risks in life to be happy.
Sometimes we give and give and give...
and never get anything in return but heartache.
I dont think the glue on my heart can hold out
Another heartbreak like that...
Another letdown.
Or maybe just seeing you again,
After all this time,
Will tear me apart more than i'm willing to admit.
You expect me to be there
And me, i expect everything to return to normal afterwards...
Can it really be that black and white?
Or will you not even show,
Or will I feel like i did a year ago,
Holding my heart in my hands
Letting tears held back slip down my cheeks
Into the sand
Will you someday realize what you've given up?
Because for every time i pencil you in,
I lose a piece of my dignity.
Someday i hope you will give some of it back to me...
Just don't expect me to look at you the same
Because I'm not the same...
I'm so much better now that you're just a memory
And even though i'll pencil you in,
Just one last time...
Don't get your expectations too high
That i will actually keep my promise.
wonderfully expressed as always hun.
