Yeah, don't really know how to describe this one.
Anyway, I'm back in the loving arms of Mistress Somniferum. Had to be done or I'd be popping benzos right now beyond three weeks. I've discovered I have a psychological addiction to those little (usually) dark colored pills of stupor and sometimes euphoria. No grand-mal seizures for me, thanks. Though I have lots of Phenazepam dissolved in bottles of ethanol for tapering if it comes to it, that particular benzo has ZERO recreational value thankfully. Just the demonized one I'll call Flu for short, and the common one Alprazolam. I got a mixture of others but I don't particularly care for them. Clonazepam sublingual tablets are good for moments of extreme stress but not recreation.
I have Social Anxiety Disorder, so sometimes shit happens at the last minute and those sublingual benzos are lifesavers. Nice mid-range non-intoxicating dose just to "take the edge off."
You know it's interesting. When my brain and body is filled with the endorphin-like opiates I get extremely expressive in many ways in the area of creativity. I don't quite get it but yeah. Pod tea is an anxiolytic, anti-depressant, and for me a creativity booster. My self-esteem, mood, confidence, etc are all inflated for a long duration. In retrospect I became a psychological addict the first time I used poppy SEED tea.
It would be unfair to not describe the negative impact of opiates. I get hiccups every damn time I swallow something and this lasts for two days. Digestive issues though those aren't too bad and I mitigate them with sugar-free candy which acts as a potent stool softener in high amounts. And it's a pain in the ass preparing it -- but this is a deterrent from regular use so it's a blessing in disguise perhaps. I also hate the drymouth. Never fails no matter how much I hydrate I wake up with drymouth like no other drug gives. I sometimes get excessive histamine release but I actually enjoy the itch so I don't consider it a negative.
So it turns out I have 2 drugs of choice. I would swear by it months ago it'd be just opiates/opioids but now its benzos too. Thankfully the former kills off cravings for the latter. Really, benzos would be a waste on opiates I potentiate them enough as it is, and I think GABA agonization would dirty my long session with pod tea. Alcohol certainly does. I was in the situation where I had to have a couple glasses of wine while under the influence of opiates or it'd be rude and it diminished the loveliness of my high. I've come to hate alcohol except as a solvent for things, or a wound disinfectant.
Stimulants? I use Ephedrine to sometimes ward off nodding when it's not appropriate to be in that state, and for performance enhancing during exercise. I've tried assorted upper RCs and HATE them quite frankly. I found myself taking benzos to come down early from every single one. It is not good for me mentally to be on potent stimulants. Addiction factor for me in this category is 0 thankfully. Even empathogen stimulants I don't care for, though it does make them tolerable.
Psychedelics. Let's see, LSA was my first, no visuals, vasoconstriction annoyed the hell out of me, as did the nausea. I used Hawaiian Baby Woodrose seeds, Hawaiian strain grinded in a spice grinder. Not ever using it again. LSD, I used it once and plan to use it again. No visuals, typical, but I enjoyed the release of emotion it forced, it felt cathartic and healthy. I felt connected to a higher energy though I tend not to believe in such things. Haven't used any others.
Poppy tea and benzos keep me sane, but I know the latter is something extremely dangerous when used daily and can't be detoxed without medical intervention or good discipline and self-tapering. And besides, benzos sometimes bring me down mentally so I stick to opiates. Fully synthetic opioids scare the shit out of me, but I have used Tramadol and Loperamide (to potentiate). I've had Fentanyl overly-administered after surgeries and the headrush is something I can never forget. I can see why it is imperative one never crosses into IV use for recreation. "Welcome to the machine" as Floyd would say. I know I'd never be able to be a chipper with IV use anything.
Poppy tea. I've been mildly physically dependent on it (I get a runny nose if I don't dose for a week) and the reason it has stayed mild is I never ever dose more than twice a week, unless I have a damn good reason for it such as bad physical pain, and/or suicidal tendencies. Thankfully twice a week is usually enough to keep my depression at bay. I try not to dose too much. If I'm nodding I dosed too much as I don't like nodding. I just want the mental stability, and/or analgesia when needed.
Sorry for any run-on sentences and such. Stream of consciousness I call it. I always type like this when unfer the influence of poppy tea -- opium for all intents and purpose -- just not smokable opium lol. Not sure I'd want to harm my lungs by smoking it anyway -- and on that note I've yet to try cannabis but wish to someday. I just find it a little too expensive when I do come across it. I had a small sample of JWH-018 once but I don't think I vaporized it correctly. In any event if I did I wasn't impressed with it.
That's all for now. It actually is a potentiator in and of itself for me to type long posts like this when coming up on the big O.
EDIT: Figure I should mention Kratom too. I've used all sorts of different kinds but the expensive full alkaloid extracts in ethanol seem to work the best on me. My best experience lasted 8-12 hours and felt like an extremely high hydrocodone dose with extended duration when I took the entire extract bottle. For powder I've found the red vein variety to be the only effective kind. I don't ever mess with crushed leaf -- gag.
Anyway, I'm back in the loving arms of Mistress Somniferum. Had to be done or I'd be popping benzos right now beyond three weeks. I've discovered I have a psychological addiction to those little (usually) dark colored pills of stupor and sometimes euphoria. No grand-mal seizures for me, thanks. Though I have lots of Phenazepam dissolved in bottles of ethanol for tapering if it comes to it, that particular benzo has ZERO recreational value thankfully. Just the demonized one I'll call Flu for short, and the common one Alprazolam. I got a mixture of others but I don't particularly care for them. Clonazepam sublingual tablets are good for moments of extreme stress but not recreation.
I have Social Anxiety Disorder, so sometimes shit happens at the last minute and those sublingual benzos are lifesavers. Nice mid-range non-intoxicating dose just to "take the edge off."
You know it's interesting. When my brain and body is filled with the endorphin-like opiates I get extremely expressive in many ways in the area of creativity. I don't quite get it but yeah. Pod tea is an anxiolytic, anti-depressant, and for me a creativity booster. My self-esteem, mood, confidence, etc are all inflated for a long duration. In retrospect I became a psychological addict the first time I used poppy SEED tea.
It would be unfair to not describe the negative impact of opiates. I get hiccups every damn time I swallow something and this lasts for two days. Digestive issues though those aren't too bad and I mitigate them with sugar-free candy which acts as a potent stool softener in high amounts. And it's a pain in the ass preparing it -- but this is a deterrent from regular use so it's a blessing in disguise perhaps. I also hate the drymouth. Never fails no matter how much I hydrate I wake up with drymouth like no other drug gives. I sometimes get excessive histamine release but I actually enjoy the itch so I don't consider it a negative.
So it turns out I have 2 drugs of choice. I would swear by it months ago it'd be just opiates/opioids but now its benzos too. Thankfully the former kills off cravings for the latter. Really, benzos would be a waste on opiates I potentiate them enough as it is, and I think GABA agonization would dirty my long session with pod tea. Alcohol certainly does. I was in the situation where I had to have a couple glasses of wine while under the influence of opiates or it'd be rude and it diminished the loveliness of my high. I've come to hate alcohol except as a solvent for things, or a wound disinfectant.
Stimulants? I use Ephedrine to sometimes ward off nodding when it's not appropriate to be in that state, and for performance enhancing during exercise. I've tried assorted upper RCs and HATE them quite frankly. I found myself taking benzos to come down early from every single one. It is not good for me mentally to be on potent stimulants. Addiction factor for me in this category is 0 thankfully. Even empathogen stimulants I don't care for, though it does make them tolerable.
Psychedelics. Let's see, LSA was my first, no visuals, vasoconstriction annoyed the hell out of me, as did the nausea. I used Hawaiian Baby Woodrose seeds, Hawaiian strain grinded in a spice grinder. Not ever using it again. LSD, I used it once and plan to use it again. No visuals, typical, but I enjoyed the release of emotion it forced, it felt cathartic and healthy. I felt connected to a higher energy though I tend not to believe in such things. Haven't used any others.
Poppy tea and benzos keep me sane, but I know the latter is something extremely dangerous when used daily and can't be detoxed without medical intervention or good discipline and self-tapering. And besides, benzos sometimes bring me down mentally so I stick to opiates. Fully synthetic opioids scare the shit out of me, but I have used Tramadol and Loperamide (to potentiate). I've had Fentanyl overly-administered after surgeries and the headrush is something I can never forget. I can see why it is imperative one never crosses into IV use for recreation. "Welcome to the machine" as Floyd would say. I know I'd never be able to be a chipper with IV use anything.
Poppy tea. I've been mildly physically dependent on it (I get a runny nose if I don't dose for a week) and the reason it has stayed mild is I never ever dose more than twice a week, unless I have a damn good reason for it such as bad physical pain, and/or suicidal tendencies. Thankfully twice a week is usually enough to keep my depression at bay. I try not to dose too much. If I'm nodding I dosed too much as I don't like nodding. I just want the mental stability, and/or analgesia when needed.
Sorry for any run-on sentences and such. Stream of consciousness I call it. I always type like this when unfer the influence of poppy tea -- opium for all intents and purpose -- just not smokable opium lol. Not sure I'd want to harm my lungs by smoking it anyway -- and on that note I've yet to try cannabis but wish to someday. I just find it a little too expensive when I do come across it. I had a small sample of JWH-018 once but I don't think I vaporized it correctly. In any event if I did I wasn't impressed with it.
That's all for now. It actually is a potentiator in and of itself for me to type long posts like this when coming up on the big O.
EDIT: Figure I should mention Kratom too. I've used all sorts of different kinds but the expensive full alkaloid extracts in ethanol seem to work the best on me. My best experience lasted 8-12 hours and felt like an extremely high hydrocodone dose with extended duration when I took the entire extract bottle. For powder I've found the red vein variety to be the only effective kind. I don't ever mess with crushed leaf -- gag.
